WARNING: I will be disclosing certain reasons why I am flawed as a mother. If you are a perfect mom who never struggles with the question, “Lord, why do you trust me so much when I am clearly inept?” You can skip this post.
Some days, I consider myself a pretty decent mom.
On days like today…not so much.
Our car is in the shop after an unfortunate mishap with an 18 wheeler’s retread from his tire. We ran over it as it came barreling down the road. Long story short, the car had to be towed and will be at the body shop for a week or so.
Today, I was with the boys all day while Chris was at work.
I felt trapped. Without a car to take me anywhere, things felt even harder than they were.
So when I was cleaning up for the 5th time this morning and one of the boys spilled a full cup of juice on the floor, I said a word that I shouldn’t have said. When my youngest asked me what the word meant, I was quickly convicted while explaining that “Mommy shouldn’t have said that word. I’m sorry.”
There are days when I am the kind of mother who practices patience, even when my child has repeatedly screamed, “MAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHMMMMMMEEEEEEEE” at a decibel that only dogs should be able to hear.
There are days when I am not.
There are days when I am a mother to be admired.
There are days when I am not.
There are days when I counsel other mothers, younger than I, in the trenches with the 24/7 care it takes for newborns and toddlers. Assuring them that this time is short. Before you know it, these precious little needy humans turn into self sufficient geniuses, who suddenly, at the age of 5 years know more than I have learned in my 35 years.
I use phrases like, “Hang in there” and “Take some time for yourself”. And while these things are true, I should add that some days are going to be tough. And by tough I mean, every minute, our beautiful offspring will push a boundary, test a limit, express everything in a whine and remain under our feet for 12 hours of the day. They will push us to the point of wanting to throw down the dish towel while exclaiming, “I QUIT!!!” and walking out the door.
If you have never felt this way, please, I beg you, share your secret.
Because I have. More than I like to admit.
I want to be like the woman in Proverbs 31:10-31
…Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: “Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all.”
I feel confident that on days like today, my children would replace the word blessed with possessed.
This is not something I am remotely proud of. In fact, I would rather not voice this part of myself at all. BUT, if there is one of you out there reading this who is discouraged by all of the “June Cleaver’s” around you, this is for you.
When I have days like this that I have clearly “messed up”, I try to remember that the most important thing I can do is say these 2 words, “I’m sorry” or these 3 words, “Mommy was wrong” followed by these 3 words, “Please forgive me”.
I attended a seminar last week that talked about the different health factors that certain things have on a woman’s heart and on a man’s.
Not surprising, the man needs to have sex to contribute to a healthy heart. (No offense guys!) It’s great that you’re not as complicated as we, because were you, we would be in quite the predicament.
Here’s the 411 ladies, mamas, sisters, daughters, wives, aunts, grandmothers, cousins, BFF’s… do you know what is detrimental to a woman’s heart health?
No, it’s not missing the sale on your favorite designer shoes (although that is a calamity).
Seriously, it’s NOT EXPRESSING HOW WE FEEL!
It’s stuffing and stuffing until it can no longer be contained. We MUST purge the thoughts that we have, bad and good.
I wish we understood that better, because for some unfortunate souls, they eventually take it out on their defenseless children.
When asked “Why?” they retort with comments like, “I didn’t know what I was doing?!” “I don’t know what happened?!” “I just couldn’t do it anymore!”
I am not, in any way, defending anyone who hurts children. It is never okay to hurt a child for any reason!
Hear me, as women, especially mothers, we must have an outlet for our thoughts and feelings. It actually damages our heart not to! It takes years off our life.
This goes back to what I wrote in “I Need a Hero” We simply MUST have at least one godly woman who we can turn to for guidance.
This is obviously a touchy subject, but one that I think we should allow each other to talk openly about with trusted friends.
Being a mother is by far the most difficult job in the world.
Yes, it is also the most rewarding.
Susan Merrill has two great posts (and many more, I’m sure) on her blog that speak to this.
In “3 Secrets to Keep Motherhood in Perspective”
She lists these 3 things…
- Motherhood is not for the weak at heart
- Motherhood is as much about you as it is about your child.
- Motherhood is a marathon not a sprint.
My form of organization is unorganized.
She explains what she means by each. I would encourage you to read it when you have a minute.
In her post “10 Confessions Of An Imperfect Mom” Susan lists the following things about herself…
- My form of organization is unorganized.
- My temper is rather even until I lose it.
- I never have the laundry done on time because somehow I lose it.
- I can’t even remember what my kids say I always forget.
- I get lost in my laptop.
- I have forgotten a child, more than once.
- I don’t do what I want (like be on time) and I do do what I don’t want (like scream).
- I overcommit, overthink, and overspend.
- I care too much about grades (a.k.a. the grade nazi according to my kids).
- I am undisciplined about discipline.
We women, need to recognize the signs in each other that everything is not okay. And we need to provide a safe place to discuss these things. No matter how crazy they sound to us, they can be quickly diffused by bringing them into the light.
I would love to hear your thoughts on this. Bad or good. Agree or disagree. This is something that needs to be talked about. Yes?