I don’t claim to be an expert. My knowledge is based solely on experience. I feel that I am rather well versed when it comes to females. The fact that I am one and that I have raised one to teenage years gives me an inside look into the way our mind, heart and soul work. And how often times they are all tied together by an emotion.
I had the privilege of hanging out with one of my very good friend’s daughter today. She and my son are inseparable. She is the most adorable, beautiful, bright, witty child.
She keeps all three of the males in my house in line, much better than I.
I have become a sentimental sap as of late and today was spent watching this precious child, 4 years old, interact with my boys. It’s fascinating. Truly. We females are born with the same questions we are asking in our 20’s, 30’s, 40’s, 50’s, 60’s, 70’s, 80’s, 90’s, 100’s… Those are these;
Do you notice me?
Am I beautiful?
Am I special?
I could add many more to this list and so could you, but these are the overwhelming front runners when it comes to what we need.
Dads and husbands, future dads and husbands, are you listening?
We need to know that;
You notice us.
We are beautiful.
We are special to you.
This is crucial. Please don’t miss this.
Instead of saying to your daughters, wives, significant other, “That dress is so pretty!” Say, “You are so beautiful! You make that dress look so good!” It seems simple, I know. I am fully aware that we are complex creatures. Even we cannot figure out what is going on with us at times. It’s how we are wired. You will never master the female brain, but you can feed the heart and avoid emotional starvation.
Ladies, PLEASE, I beg you, encourage each other. Do not withhold a compliment out of fear of looking or sounding stupid. It may be exactly what the person needs to hear.
When you like the strangers hair in front of you in the check out line, TELL HER.
Most women will tell you that compliments from other women (especially those they don’t know) carry 10 times the weight of the same compliment from a man.
I have had 18 month old girls come up to me when they are wearing a pretty dress or new shoes and point to them while showing me. Without using words, they are asking for affirmation. “Am I beautiful?” “Do I matter?”
Let’s not miss this. Please. It is so very important. For those of you who are thinking, “We should not be focusing on outward beauty. What about their brain?” This is vital for brain development. It’s not about outward beauty. It’s about laying the foundation for a secure woman. By changing phrases like, “Oh, you look so pretty.” To, “You are so beautiful!” We are putting focus on their person and not what they look like in the moment.
Daddy’s of little girls, you carry a huge responsibility. She needs to know that she’s safe, loved (unconditionally) and accepted, by you, no matter what. Mothers of boys, we are not off the hook either. We need to be encouraging our boys to speak to the girls in their life with respect and kindness.
For those single mothers, in a state of survival, who are wondering where this leaves you, may I say that I have been in the single mother shoes. It’s hard. It’s exhausting. It’s labor intensive. It’s 24/7. You are thinking, “This is great for everyone else, but I’m just trying to put food on the table and keep the lights on.” I totally get it. Those of us who call ourselves your friends, your church, your support, need to rally around you and your precious children.
Clearly I’m very passionate about this. If you are a woman who doesn’t agree with the 3 things that I have stated above that women need to know, I want to hear from you. Like I said, I am no expert. I do, however, through years of observation, discussion and living, believe strongly in what I have said here.
Related writings, “Cinda-who? A different kind of Princess.”
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Joy, you are absolutely right! The only thing I would add is that safety and security are the fruits of sincerity, sincerity that comes from a generous, loving heart. Empty compliments will not feed our souls. Beautiful, encouraging words must be backed by love—love that is communicated and reinforced by trust. The spouse or friend who can give us this will give us the most valuable gift we will ever receive, the God-generated love of 1Corinthians 13. Only then can we become the women we were meant to be, valued and accepted. Only then can we abandon ourselves with passion and commitment to the world and to those we love in return.
Well said, friend!
You say things so beautifully.
Thank you for your comment! You are always right on.
I believe those are important things we need to know. There have been times in my life I didn’t want to be noticed BUT it was because I didn’t feel beautiful or special. I didn’t get that type of affirmation from anyone (except my incredible children) until I was in my 30’s. It changed my life. Thank you for sharing those thoughts.
Thank you for your comments, Cathy.
I see where you are coming from.
I definitely didn’t understand until about 7 years ago. It took 3 years of recovery to get me to a point of understanding. I have been building on that ever since.
I went back and read this post after church and thought, “Wow, where is my soapbox?!” 😉