What is the first thing that came to mind when you read the title of this post? For me, it’s sex. The truth is, intimacy is so much more than that.
After conversing with people from all walks of life, it’s incredibly clear that there is a real disconnect when it comes to intimacy, sex and being vulnerable.
This is something worthy of discussion. And not just once or twice. Ongoing. Admittedly it’s a tricky subject. I don’t want to make any career altering statements and at the same time I want you to understand that it’s not about where you’ve been as much as where you are.
Women, I don’t know what you’ve grown up hearing about sex, but here is what I know to be true…
It doesn’t have to be dirty.
It’s possible to relinquish everything that has happened and start fresh.
Nothing feels as good as redemption.
When you give yourself permission to stop sorting through the wreckage, you discover a new kind of freedom.
Men, don’t treat us like a whore. We don’t want to feel replaceable and when we look amazing, TELL US.
I cannot say everything I want to say. Nor explain in detail where my heart is on this because, quite honestly, it wouldn’t be pertinent to everyone and there are things in my relationship with my man that are just ours. Sacred things that allow us to look across a crowded room at each other, confident that we are fully known.
Love in it’s purest form. Transparency without limitations. Trust beyond comfort. The unalloyed definition of relationship. A safe haven. A source of life and freedom. Being pursued and overtaken by someone who wants every part of you, and you them. Heart, mind, body, past and present. That is intimacy.
If you are in a committed relationship and you are not able to do this, something is missing. I didn’t say, “Something is wrong.” I said, “Something is missing.” Marriage is your golden ticket to “get your freak on.” Not in a crazy sadistic sort of way, but in a fun, exploratory sort of way.
If you don’t believe me, If you are someone who can’t even be naked in your own presence without shame and embarrassment, I would encourage you to start with the following…
Stop making small talk or expecting a long conversation before being physical. When you are at a level of true intimacy, it’s possible and at times more beneficial to communicate without using words.
Be comfortable in your skin. It’s okay to be naked with the lights on.
DO NOT, under any circumstance, discuss perceived flaws of your physique.
Learn about your body. We are complex creatures. It doesn’t go down the way it’s depicted in movies. It’s better!
Now, go send your hunka burnin’ love a suggestive text message… even if you’re right next to them. It may be their go-to while sitting in that budget meeting tomorrow at work.
Does this make me look fat?
Flannel vs. Lace
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This is such a great post, Joy.
Thank you, Jamie!
I appreciate your stopping by!
I just cruised on over to your site and look forward to exploring with my cup of coffee in hand 🙂
“When you give yourself permission to stop sorting through the wreckage, you discover a new kind of freedom.”
You made some very good points, and I think you made them well!
It wasn’t until I met my husband that I was able to experience this type of intimacy and it has made such an impact in all aspects of my life…. especially the whole “we have three kids” thing. Haha.
Thank you so much for reading and taking the time to comment! 🙂
A relationship needs to be cultivated everyday. Unfortunately it is easy to allow other things to take priority.
I agree with your definition of intimacy and would also add that the person you are most intimate with wants the best for you in all ways and in some ways they get more enjoyment out of the relationship both physically and otherwise by pleasing the other. I know it is true for me. Sadly to be able to be totally transparent with another person does not happen much in our world I believe.
The intimacy that is physical is awesome but I love the intimacy that lasts all day long and that comes when you are pursuing one another’s mind and spirit. And that high can be so wonderful. And beauty is the whole package; body, mind and spirit and they magnify each other and should be viewed as one and when done so the beauty can be awesome both for the person whose beauty is being appreciated and the person who communicates that to that person.
The other way I see this intimacy manifest itself is that the people in the relationship are so protective of the other. I think that is so moving when I know the other person reacts in such a protective way.
I wish I saw evidence that more relationships had this intimacy.
Well written, Mark.
Thank you for your input.