Let go…or be dragged

Posted on February 4, 2012 by Joy

While you’re reading this sentence, I want you to ball your hands into the tightest fist you can make. Come on, squeeze until your nails dig into your skin and your knuckles turn white.

Now…open your hands. Stretch them as wide as they will go. Ahhhhhh. Release.

Do you see the fingernail marks in your palms? Run your finger over the shallow indention that will soon fade.

Are there things in your life showing evidence of a struggle by the indention’s that your fingernails left behind?

For me to think that there was any other way to believe that I could hold on to what was mine without digging my fingernails in, was going to take a complete transformation of the mind.

This is exactly what is happening. It has been a slow, but steady process.

Have you ever seen a child hold a piece of candy that they were afraid was going to be taken from them? Especially chocolate. The tighter they squeeze, the more misshapen it becomes. At times even melting under the force and heat of their little hand.

What’s left?

A mess.

When I have tried to pry open the little fingers of my child when they are locked onto something they want, not only does the mess get all over their hand, but it gets on mine as well. The worst place being under the nails where it is so difficult to remove.

Why am I telling you this?

Well, I hope you can relate.

I have had to physically open my palms to the Father many times this week while in conversation with certain people who are making decisions in my daughter’s life.

I have prayed, “Lord, if necessary, bring out your spiritual crowbar and release my grip on this situation. Father the harder I hold on, the worse the outcome. The more I squeeze, the greater intensity of pain. Help me, please. I don’t know how to hold my child with an outstretched arm and open palm.”

God has been so patient with me.

I should know by now that He doesn’t use a crowbar. He doesn’t use force. For if He did, I would be resentful. These are the times when He is very still and beckons my heart to meet Him in the quiet places (which are few and far between in my house).

He whispers to my heart, “Don’t you know she was Mine to begin with? Don’t you know that she is Mine still?”

“Yes, Father. But…What if…”

“What if, you trusted Me the way you tell others to trust Me? What if, you truly believed that I want the very best for your life and your child’s life. And though that doesn’t always mean comfort and happiness, you can rest in the assurance that you are greatly loved and adored by your Father in Heaven. What if, when you were afraid, you sought Me instead of relief through external methods? What if, every time you think of one of your children, you give them back to Me, once more, leaving the pen in My hand to write the chapters of their story? What if, you commit My words to memory so that when doubt floods in, it is absorbed by My truth and replaced with My peace that passes all understanding?”

This is how the Father speaks to my heart. This is the way he gently opens my fists tightly clenched in fear until my palms face the Heavens with fingers stretched as wide as they will go.

Then and only then, can He pour out His goodness, mercy and love. And there is enough that when it spills through my fingers, those around me benefit.

Bella, my Bella, belongs to God. Chris and I have worked tirelessly to lay the foundation and instill truth in her heart and mind. Our responsibility now, is to reiterate what she already knows. It is to combat lies with truth. It is to encourage, nurture and provide a safe place for daunting questions.

When I close my eyes and pray for my girl, I see the 5 year old explorer/princess/rock star. I see overalls and pig tails…I see somersaults on the grass and make believe castles in the trees.

I see more potential, beauty and promise than she will ever see. Isn’t that what we do as mothers though? We dream BIG for our girls and attempt to stifle the urge to project ourselves onto them while intercepting those who would cause them to believe that they are anything less than a child of The King.

Here’s the deal, I have to let go.

I must open my fingers and release the fist. I do not want my beautiful girl to have nail marks of any kind on her spirit, especially mine.

So when fear consumes my mind with thoughts of losing the control that I never had to begin with, my heart will respond with Ephesians 3:20-21“God can do anything, you know—far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams! He does it not by pushing us around but by working within us, his Spirit deeply and gently within us.“

What is beneath your fingers tightly clenched into a fist? What or who are you holding on to so tightly that they can barely breathe? Let go. The longer you struggle, the messier it gets.

Let go. Or be dragged.

Restless

Posted on January 14, 2012 by Joy

Here I am again…in the corner…head in hands…asking God, “What’s the point?”

This time it’s not physical crouching, with the seam of two walls against my back, it’s a mental corner.

I am no stranger to this restless place made up of questions, irrational emotions, irritability, and self pity.

There was a time when I would have walked into my closet, closed the door, sat on the floor, and in the dark, through my sobbing, begged God to help me feel something other than pain.

I don’t go there anymore. Not to that place.

I have seen and felt God move enough to trust that once invited in, His hand will be on me.

And yet, that doesn’t help the waiting or lessen the emotional toll that this season of the mind takes on the one enduring it.

What does one do in this place of unrest and discomfort?

For me, I must look back at the faithfulness of my Savior.

I must not forget all the times that He has rescued me from seemingly impossible circumstances.

I must rely on the promises He has made in His word.

I must cling to the hope that Christ has given in this tumultuous life.

“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” John 16:33

And… I must wait. Sometimes in silence, sometimes in stillness, sometimes in uncertainty.

Trusting that, though silent, God is here with me.

He goes before me, making a way in the wasteland.

He stands beside me, as my advocate.

He walks behind me, so that when I want to turn and run, His face is all I’ll see.

He leads me through a story that is all part of His plan.

And though the words don’t always make sense, when the chapter is complete, I know with great certainty that I will look back and see His sovereign grace.

Is that contagious?!

Posted on October 13, 2011 by Joy

To be in a “funk” by definition means – a state of depression; a great state of fear or panic.

Not sure I would go that far, but that is the word I chose when greeted by my hubs after walking through the door. To say that I was snarky and ill tempered, would be an understatement.

That did not deter him.

In the background the sound of Marques Wyatt spinning some deeply soulful house music made me wanna close my eyes and pretend I was swaying under the lights on a NYC dance floor.

Chris has that way about him…Moving me from my seemingly insurmountable circumstances to this place where nothing exists but those things which evoke feelings like the ones you have when recalling the most wonderful times in your life. When there was no real struggle, stress or worry, even if only for a moment. (For some of us this will be difficult to recall…try harder!)

Are you following me???

Let me put it another way. Have you ever walked into a place where the music, smell, lighting, people, ambiance all just made you feel cool…relaxed and desirable? (This probably looks different for all of us. For one, it may be a craft store, while for another, a jazz bar and still for another, it might be nature.)

That’s what I’m talking about. That’s where this man takes me. And for no other reason than, “It’s a Wednesday.”

SO, in an effort to be a wife even close to deserving this kind of treatment, I am making a list of things, from this week alone, that I am grateful for.

Few things will change ones perspective as quickly as an “attitude of gratitude”. And when I am grateful, those around me feel free to express gratitude as well.

Are you ready?

Here we go.

I am grateful for…

~ Pajama pants. Seriously, what would we do without them?!

~ Girlfriends! What would I do without you?!

~ A husband who cooks. And not only that, but the food tastes better than any restaurant I have ever been to. (Which leads me to my next one)

~ Stepping out of my car and before even walking through the door, smelling garlic permeating the air as it simmers with other delicious Italian herbs and spices while creating the perfect red sauce to pour over piping hot pasta that will be garnished with fresh (not out of the green can) parmesan cheese.

~ The road less traveled

~ My friend’s prognosis after her cancer surgery. The doc thinks
they got everything.

~ When God shows me a glimpse of His splendor.

~ A husband who doesn’t point out the fact that I’m being a whiny bee-otch, but instead says, “It’ll pass.” as he embraces me with his big strong arms and kisses my neck, sending chills down my side. (TMI? Well, I had to paint an accurate picture. Neither of us are very touchy feely so this is a genuine act of comfort and reinforcing the security that we have together)

~ AH-MAY-ZING women that I get to work alongside

~ Roasted garlic, black bean Tostito’s. Delish!

~ The precious little ones I am able to spend time with while at work. Children truly put things into perspective. They show me how to approach life…if I will let them.

~ The parking garage where I work (especially when it’s raining).

~ York Peppermint patties. (It’s the little things)

~ My small group! I love “doing life” with these incredible individuals and couples. Circles are better than rows.

~ Kettle Corn (not much more to say, it’s just tasty)

~ When my man sees that I am pushed to my limit, and after cooking an amazing meal, bathes the kiddos and gets them to bed. (For all of you guys out there, there is no foreplay like that of you taking care of something that we do on a daily basis and doing it with a good attitude. HELLLLLLO, your sex appeal just skyrocketed!)

~ The celebration of Cathy Moore‘s life and 4 years (on Oct. 31st) of being cancer free.

~ Coffee! Hot, iced, luke warm…it makes my heart happy

~ Dark chocolate (can’t be less than 70%) that you have to shave from a block. (It goes great with the coffee!)

~ The sound of my 5 yr. old asking me to make sure I give him one more hug and kiss before I go to bed, even if he’s asleep.

~ My 3 yr. Old saying, “Mommy, will you sit by me at dinner?!” Even though my chair is always beside his. It’s nice to feel wanted.

~ My dishwasher.

~ Laughter.

~ Kisses

~Italian (especially when spoken from the mouth of my love)

~ Warm water.

~ The money to buy gas.

~ The fact that I can go into the grocery store and get exactly what I need for my family without worrying if my card will be declined at checkout.

~ Aveda hand lotion. The smell, the texture, everything about it makes my hands happy.

~ Armlengths (for those of you who don’t know what that is…it’s a photo taken from your own outstretched arm. I beg you to try it if you haven’t! It makes for some great pics!)

~ The church where I worship and work. They welcome me… piercings, character defects, tattoo’s and all! Because of that, I want to be better, do better and grow in a deeper relationship with the God of my understanding. I’m not used to that in a church. Guess that’s why Buckhead Church is a church for people who don’t like church.

~ 8 years of marriage with the man of my dreams.

~ TOMS shoes (especially the sparkly ones!). Need I say more?

~ Fall!!! YAY! I wish I could say it’s not because I get to cover up with sweaters, but that would be a lie! Though I do love sweaters, I plan to get my fitness on before next March.

~ Self portraits from a child’s perspective.

~ The fact that my oldest son always takes pictures of his feet that I find when going back through the pics. He always has and hopefully always will. Even long after his feet have grown out of the frame.

Anyway, you get the jist…

What are you grateful for? You don’t have to wait until Thanksgiving to make a list. Why not start now?

For the rest of the week, before my feet hit the floor in the morning, I’m going to choose my tude. I’ll let ya know how it turns out.

Oh, and Chris was right…it passed.

What’s the Solution…to my Being Human?

Posted on October 4, 2011 by Joy

Here’s what I know…

When my children are able to strike a nerve just by…

Laughing
Singing
Squealing as they chase each other around the house
Saying, “MOM” (no matter how many times)
Asking for something to drink
Wanting to play a game
Trying to stay right next to me (even if it’s all day)

(You get what I’m trying to say, right?!)

Basically by just being kids…

Something needs to change in me.
In this case the phrase is true, “It’s not them, it’s me.”

SO, I have to ask myself the same thing I would ask them were they grumpy seemingly without reason. We have all seen the euphemism…HALT. Am I…

H – hungry
A – Angry
L – lonely
T – tired

The truth is, sometimes, I’m all 4! It just helps to pause and attempt to discern what is really going on.

I use a phrase with my kiddos. It’s simply this – “CHOOSE YOUR TUDE”
Attitude is a choice.

How better for my children to learn this than for me to model it through my actions?

I’ve seen people in some of the worst circumstances my mind is capable of imagining and yet they are smiling and praising.

I look forward to the time when I am not apologizing so much!
When I have learned patience (be careful what you ask for. Usually the only way to learn patience is to practice), perseverance (you know, the kind only a mother can have), humility (ick), having a servant’s heart (more of you, less of me), the act of being present (ouch! I have a loooooong way to go on this one), being the example of what I’m asking them to be (it’s only fair, right?!)

And if we want to get right to the heart of the matter – I need to pray specifically for these things…MORE. I need to lift my children up to the Father…MORE. I need to ask for help (the Divine kind)…MORE. And I need to do those things that recharge me mentally, emotionally and spiritually (without guilt! Or the feeling that I’m being selfish!).

And no matter how many times I point my finger, the responsibility always comes back to me.

The following is an excerpt from one of Max Lucado’s books.
It is by far, one of my favorite prayers to pray and one that changes my attitude faster than anything else. I would encourage you to read through it once and choose the part that most speaks to you. Post these words somewhere…your mirror, dashboard, desk, computer, (you get the idea), and pray them once or several times throughout the day. You will be amazed how it begins to, not only change your perspective, but shape your actions as well.

Try it! What do you have to lose… except a stinky tude?! Who knows, people may even enjoy being around you.

When God Whispers Your Name

By Max Lucado

Galations 5: 22

IT’S QUIET. It’s early. My coffee is hot. The sky is still black. The world is still asleep. The day is coming.
In a few moments the day will arrive. It will roar down the track with the rising of the sun. The stillness of the dawn will be exchanged for the noise of the day. The calm of solitude will be replaced by the pounding pace of the human race. The refuge of the early morning will be invaded by decisions to be made and deadlines to be met.
For the next twelve hours I will be exposed to the day’s demands. It is now that I must make a choice. Because of Calvary, I’m free to choose. And so I choose.

I choose love . . .

No occasion justifies hatred; no injustice warrants bitterness. I choose love. Today I will love God and what God loves.

I choose joy . . .

I will invite my God to be the God of circumstance. I will refuse the temptation to be cynical . . . the tool of the lazy thinker. I will refuse to see people as anything less than human beings, created by God. I will refuse to see any problem as anything less than an opportunity to see God.

I choose peace . . .

I will live forgiven. I will forgive so that I may live.

I choose patience . . .

I will overlook the inconveniences of the world. Instead of cursing the one who takes my place, I’ll invite him to do so. Rather than complain that the wait is too long, I will thank God for a moment to pray. Instead of clinching my fist at new assignments, I will face them with joy and courage.

I choose kindness . . .

I will be kind to the poor, for they are alone. Kind to the rich, for they are afraid. And kind to the unkind, for such is how God has treated me.

I choose goodness . . .

I will go without a dollar before I take a dishonest one. I will be overlooked before I will boast. I will confess before I will accuse. I choose goodness.

I choose faithfulness . . .

Today I will keep my promises. My debtors will not regret their trust. My associates will not question my word. My wife will not question my love. And my children will never fear that their father will not come home.

I choose gentleness . . .

Nothing is won by force. I choose to be gentle. If I raise my voice may it be only in praise. If I clench my fist, may it be only in prayer. If I make a demand, may it be only of myself.

I choose self-control . . .

I am a spiritual being. After this body is dead, my spirit will soar. I refuse to let what will rot, rule the eternal. I choose self-control. I will be drunk only by joy. I will be impassioned only by my faith. I will be influenced only by God. I will be taught only by Christ. I choose self-control.

Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. To these I commit my day. If I succeed, I will give thanks. If I fail, I will seek his grace. And then, when this day is done, I will place my head on my pillow and rest.

Here are two different translations of this passage,

Galations 5:22-23

This first one from The Message is my favorite.

The second is the traditional one from NIV that I grew up hearing.

Either translation says it simply and truthfully.

If I can get this down, I will not only be a better mother, but a better wife, friend, daughter…

the possibilities are endless!

Galatians 5:22-23
The Message (MSG)
But what happens when we live God’s way? He brings gifts into our lives, much the same way that fruit appears in an orchard—things like affection for others, exuberance about life, serenity. We develop a willingness to stick with things, a sense of compassion in the heart, and a conviction that a basic holiness permeates things and people. We find ourselves involved in loyal commitments, not needing to force our way in life, able to marshal and direct our energies wisely.
Legalism is helpless in bringing this about; it only gets in the way. Among those who belong to Christ, everything connected with getting our own way and mindlessly responding to what everyone else calls necessities is killed off for good—crucified.

Galatians 5:22-23
New International Version (NIV)
But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.