Four years ago, today, our youngest son was born.

The pregnancy started with tears and confusion, wondering how I could possibly be in that small percentage of women who actually get pregnant while on birth control. After all, less than a year before, God had blessed us with a beautiful son.

I wanted this baby. I just wasn’t sure about God’s timing. What would it mean for the baby that I was on birth control for the first 2-3 months after conception?

“Lord, how am I going to do this?” was my first thought.

The very next thought, “I feel like I just got my body back! I don’t want to get fat again!”

It never fails, I turn into the rebellious teen, throwing a tantrum. Because after all, it’s all about me. Isn’t it?

Here’s the deal. I am selfish.

When left to my own devices, I am self absorbed, egotistical, self-centered, opportunistic, self-serving, inconsiderate….and the list doesn’t stop there! It could go on and on and on.

However, all of that can change, IF, before my feet hit the floor in the morning, I will say these seven words “God, I invite you into my day.”

You may be thinking, “One doesn’t invite God into their day. He is already there.” Well friend, not for me. I mean, yes, of course He’s there. But if I am not intentional about requesting His input in even the smallest of daily details, I won’t notice His presence and I’ll screw it all up.

His ways are not my ways. The process He uses to bring things to fruition is far beyond anything that I am capable of doing.

Just when I thought I had been broken and repaired more times than necessary, the One creating the masterpiece, gently led me into another season of silence. 

This pregnancy would bring with it more challenges than I, as an individual and Chris and I, as a couple have ever had to face. I had several health issues surface that led to surgery, preterm labor, bed rest and the high risk wing of the hospital. We became part of the unemployed and uninsured when the economy tanked. Our daughter and oldest son became seriously ill (at different times) and were hospitalized during the span of about 6 months. 

“Where was God?“

He was there.

In the midst of all the uncertainties, He was there, He had a plan and He was not surprised by any of the outcomes.

At times, in His silence, His presence is unmistakable. 
 
Our adored baby boy arrived almost 4 weeks early, weighing in at a whopping 7 lbs 15 oz. He was the biggest preemie in the NICU

I now have this beautiful scar on my belly. A constant reminder that God’s plan is perfect. If it had been left up to me, nothing would have happened the way it did and I would have forfeited the blessings.

It would take thousands of words to adequately explain what I have learned, the ways I have grown, the changes in perspective and priorities, the multitude of blessings and the beauty of the everyday, that have come with my youngest son’s birth.

I cannot imagine my life without this remarkable child.

It’s easy to say now that;
I wish I had enjoyed each moment and not worried so much. 
I wish I had trusted the maker of the universe.
I wish I had listened more to the Father’s assurance and inquired less about “why?”
I wish I had been a much better example of “faith in action” to others.
However, I am so, so grateful for others who were the hands of feet of Christ for our family.

My baby boy is 4 years old today. It goes by fast. Much like blinking, really. Old people used to say things like that when I was quite a bit younger. I thought they were silly. Now I see the wisdom in their words, while realizing that they weren’t so old after all.

Happy Birthday to my Precious One, whom I love and am so incredibly proud of. He is the perfect example of an undeserved gift. The kind that only God, in His amazing grace and mercy, can give. I am so grateful. And though completely undeserving, we are beyond blessed.