I’m more than flesh and bone. Right?
Surely this isn’t all there is. Is it?
The wind was blowing so violently today. Trees were bowing to its power as dust clouds from the roadway construction danced on the busy streets.
I try to take the stairs at work, at least when I’m descending from the 4th floor back to the 1st. I love this stairwell. It’s between the 2nd and 3rd floor that I always pause and look out the larger than life windows. Today was no different. I stopped, looked out the window and watched as the trees danced in the breeze. It was so beautiful.
I can’t see the wind, but I know it exists. It is abundantly clear when branches of trees sway in surrender as their leaves are torn away. I don’t ever question whether the wind is real. I just believe it to be…because it is.
It is not unlike my faith. I don’t always appreciate its power until I’m surrendering to something in an effort to move forward or simply survive. In fact, there are times when I go days without thinking about what faith really means. I have it in my back pocket for when I need it.
As I opened the stairwell door to the first floor, visions of the 25 yr. old who jumped to her death only weeks before flooded my mind.
I will never look at those stairs and sidewalk just outside our doors the same way again. It’s haunting when recalling that day. I wonder if she thought there was something more than this life or that this is all there is?
There are times when I think about eternity and it is too much for my mind to take in. I begin thinking, “What if when we die nothing happens? It’s just…over.” a certain sickness comes over me when I question this because everything I know tells me that there is more. So much more.
And then the voice of doubt creeps in and says, “But what if you’re wrong and all of your striving and praying, giving and loving is for naught. What if you’ve been tricked into believing something that simply is not there?”
Then the voice of truth speaks up and says, “But what if you’re right? There’s more. More to this life now. More to this life after.”
And it leaves me knowing that I would rather be wrong in believing that there’s more than this life…a God in heaven who loves me with a love that my brain does not have the capacity to understand…a Savior who gave his life so that I don’t have to perish in my sin…a day when all will be well with my soul…
I would rather live a life, believing that what God says is true and that He is faithful, than to dismiss as silliness the ache in my soul for something not of this world and discover when it’s too late that I was wrong.
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I’ve thought about your blog all day. In our church staff meeting today, we were asked to write our top 3 ministry “urgency” right now. Then we had to decide if they were being lead by God (or faith) or lead by our own desire. I related this back to your breeze. Does the breeze blow us in the way we want or is it God gently leading us in another direction in ministry or life? Is the breeze blowing us away from something that won’t have a path that will glorify Him or is it gently redirecting us to give Him glory is all things. Feeling His warm gentle breeze helps me realize his greatness and make my faith that HE is real and alive.
I love this interpretation, Charlene.
Thank you so much for sharing it with me.
I had not thought of it that way and it is a wonderful perspective and one that can be used as a barometer of sorts. A faith barometer 🙂
Thank you so much for reading and taking the time to comment. I love to hear that my writing is applicable in the lives of others.
It is so refreshing to hear someone say outloud what many people only dare think in private. I have the thoughts you shared from time to time. I just have to keep remembering that trying to understand the mystery of faith and God at times is like my 15 month old grandchild trying to understand physics. I love this quote :
“I have a lot of faith. But I am also afraid a lot, and have no real certainty about anything. I remembered something Father Tom had told me–that the opposite of faith is not doubt, but certainty. Certainty is missing the point entirely. Faith includes noticing the mess, the emptiness and discomfort, and letting it be there until some light returns.”
― Anne Lamott, Plan B: Further Thoughts on Faith
I really like this quote, Cathy!
And thank you for what you said. I hesitated to write it at first out of fear that it would be misconstrued.
However, I am reminded that God knows my heart and hopefully it will help others see that we all have our times of doubt. It is in those times that the voice we are listening to is absolutely crucial.
Thank you for reading and commenting.