In the midst of the storm

I don’t know whether to cry or scream. Stay busy or sleep the day away. Restless is not an accurate description of the way I feel. I don’t know what would be?

My heart aches. Literally, my chest physically hurts. My understanding is so limited, so human.

My friend is in need of a miracle.

I believe in the God of miracles.

Yet, He is silent.

Lord, help my unbelief. Disprove my doubts. Show the doctors with human hands who the Ultimate Physician really is.

I look at the work of your hands. The way you have created life in seemingly lifeless places. I want to beg you to breathe life back into Elliot’s frail body. Knowing full well that your will is not my will and that Jesus taught us to approach the throne of grace with the words, “Thy will be done.” on our tongue.

But Father, I want to pound my fists in rage at the injustice as well as lifting my hands in praise for your faithfulness. I am in a strange place that is neither familiar nor foreign. Where fear meets faith…I suppose.

What am I supposed to do with this storm of emotion?! My fear tells me to sit with my back in the corner so that I feel surrounded by stability. How foolish of me for even thinking that walls capable of crumbling could provide me with security.

God, I know where my security lies and yet my faith is lacking. It’s not necessarily the realism of mortality that is so distressing. It is the little ones she would leave behind. It is the man of her dreams and the children they made together. It is those of us left…back here…on this earth of loss and tragedy. A place where understanding may never come.

These are the times we feel the gnawing in our gut and the longing in our soul. It is a homesickness of sorts. Not for this world. For Heaven.

“Help me. Please. Father. Abba. Please help me.”

* To follow Elliot’s story, visit her CaringBridge site. You can find her on facebook and post words of encouragement on her wall as well.

25 thoughts on “In the midst of the storm

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  6. Despite the sadness behind this story, your prayer is amazingly written. I am with you and our sister, Elliot. May God give her the breath of life once again and restore her vitality. Do not fear because either which way…the end of the story still ends with Jesus Christ. Much love and respect for your prayers. Keep on believing!

  7. I, as so many others, are praying daily for Elliott. Please feel the strength we are sending you too. Praise God for everything you can think of and know He is still in control. Miracles do still happen every day. We feel your hurt and our hearts ache for you just as those who loved Jesus as He was dying on the cross. Have faith and remember to Praise Him always in all ways!

  8. Without a doubt, our almighty God will heal Elliot. I have been following and praying for her and her sweet family! She will be healed and even if it’s not the way we want it, she will be healed. I will continue to pray and remind myself ‘thy will, not my will…thy will, not my will…’ Hugs to you Joy.

    • Thank you, Kara.
      It has been difficult to express the emotion. I spent time being angry, I have wept, I have smiled when thinking of great memories growing up…I have wished I was a better friend who kept in touch more than I have.

  9. I have just finished praying for your friend Elliot. I pray a healing over her body right now in the name of Jesus. I also pray for you too Joy. I pray that you will find a strength inside of you to help you through this time. My thoughts and prayers to you both.

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