In Her Skin

As I said in yesterday’s post, my beautiful Bella is the author of this week’s post on self-image. She told me to edit anything that I didn’t think should be included. I think all of it should be included. Some of it made me sad yet hopeful. Bella is unique. She has a rare gift that makes people uncomfortable to talk about. She is exquisite. I’m so grateful that she’s mine.

I asked her seven questions. I told her she could add and/or takeaway. I also told her to write whatever came to mind. Here are her answers.

What would you say is the most difficult thing about being a 14 yr old female today?
The hardest thing for me would be insecurity. In these circumstances perfect model images – don’t help. I often find myself comparing my image to everyone else.

What is your biggest fear right now?
Fear itself. I have constant anxiety, so there is no biggest fear. Practically everything can trigger an image-or as you people call it fear. When I am in darker times I try to remember 1 John 4:18 – There is no fear in love, for perfect love casts away all fear. The one who fears is not made in perfect love. It’s also hard because sometimes I feel OCD which causes me to obsess over even the smallest things. For instance a phone call from a stranger that goes unanswered would be obsessed over for who knows how long.

What does the word “beauty” mean in your world?
In my eyes the first thing that comes to mind is image-but then I think about inner beauty. My friends sometimes tease me about my boyfriend who they do not think is attractive. I think he is very attractive. There is a soul to this comment. I have never wanted a guy unless I fall in love with his personality- who he is. If a relationship is based off of image, I might as well be a cat lady. Now let me get back to the part where I have found what my friends could not find in him. With the inner beauty locks the worlds image from my eyes, I find what others can’t see, and that is attractive. It even helps me see the person in the attractiveness God gave them. For a fourteen year old, the word beauty, in the “REAL WORLD” means, how do I look-what’s wrong with me?

On a scale of 1-10, how important is the way you look to you? To your friends?
To me I would say it was about a ten-same probably for my friends. That dose not mean I don’t care about my “soul” image. I still want to be as beautiful on the inside as was meant to live up to my full potential.

How important are the relationships in your life?
They are extremely important to me and it is particularly hard for me because I try to balance them out. A fault of mine is that I am intensely open with people and for that I got stabbed in the back. (Figuratively speaking of course.) I had a situation in fifth grade that shows just how open I was. I had a truth or dare thing at my birthday party, and it did not end to well. I kept being nagged to tell someone and I did. I can blame whoever I want for it but it was originally my fault. What happened was that rumors got spread about me, and the worst part was that one of the people was one of my closest friends who knew everything about me – and it was used against me. I never forgave myself for that – and there are many other things I am not going to say over the internet that I will probably never be able to forgive myself for, but the best part is that Jesus does. That is another relationship that is important to me. I have trust issues with Jesus, and for what he does, I have no right not to trust him. I want strong relationships with friends and family, and I still need to work on them. I want to build a relationship, not to knock it down, but to build it up. In other words, yes relationships are extremely important to me.    

What is the first thought that comes to mind when you think about God?
Father. He is the dad you always wanted but never had. He is love, He will not turn his head from me when I mess up- he forgives me continuously and approaches me with open arms every time. I have no reason not to trust and love Him. I want my life to be built on his unconditional love, and so I want to work to get there. I have to move.

What is one thing you hope this next year will bring?
I want stronger relationships with friends and family (and my boyfriend). I also hope to become more mature and humble in God’s presence. Oh, and I want to make mistakes so I can learn, because if you stand back and watch-you will never experience the change and growth. YOLO.*

* YOLO is an acronym for “You only live once.” You probably knew that, but I had to do a Google search to define it.

Is there anything that you would like to ask Bella? Something that you wish I had asked? She loves reading your comments and hearing your thoughts on her writing. Please take a moment to leave her a note.

Other guest posts by Bella:
You Are Not Alone 
Secrets are to Sickness as Openness is to Wholeness
Guest Post: Bella’s Cross


14 thoughts on “In Her Skin

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  6. I can’t believe Bella is only 14 and already has such deep insight into life. The thought that she has such deep insight both saddens me and gives me joy as well. It saddens me that a 14 year old girl should have to think about her “image” and how she “looks” to others; it gives me joy that she sees beyond the outside and is able to look at the inside. The ability to see inside is a characteristic that few adults seem to have. I pray that Bella will not only continue to see the beauty inside of others but in herself as well.

    • I agree with you.
      She is an amazing girl, but had to grow up a little too quickly. She has always been a deep thinker. I am very proud of her and her heart for others. I go between sadness and joy as well at her level of depth.
      Thank you for reading and commenting.

  7. This is so great Bella! Thank you for sharing! You are a beautiful and talented young lady, and I was especially touched reading that “Father” is the first thing that comes to your mind when you think of God. I don’t think I had that understanding at 14, and sure wish I had. Because I am now mother to a daugther, and also have three nieces close to your age, what would you say are some of the things that grow you most towards Jesus, both right now, and in the years past? It’s beautiful to me how much you know him already at your young age.

    • Hi Jill,
      I know this sounds weird, but Aslan in The Chronicles of Narnia makes me feel closer to God. That is exactly how I see him, like the lion. Also, when I pray I try to make it a conversation, expressing everything on my heart and mind, even though he already knows. I spend time in his word every night, even when I don’t feel like it 🙂 I usually read right before I go to sleep. That’s one of the times that I have most of my anxiety. Mom says that I should put good things in my brain to replace the stressful ones. Sometimes that’s hard!

  8. You are right, Joy. She is a special young woman. I love her honesty in this post. I think you have more than one writer in your home!

  9. Bella, thank you for doing this and for being so honest. Not many “adults” I know would admit they have “trust issues” with Jesus. Nor would they be willing to work on the relationship as you have realized we must do. How fortunate you are to have this maturity and understanding and to have people around you who want to help you continue to grow into the very unique person God intended you to be. You ARE beautiful, inside and out. And you have a special gift to give the world; so forgive yourself and get on with it!

  10. Bella,
    You seem much more mature than most 14 year olds I know. Thanks for sharing. I would like to ask if you keep up with your mom’s blog? Do you ever comment on your mom’s blog? Do your friends read her blog too?
    I think you are exactly right about juding beauty. I think who a person is manifies their beauty to you and how you view them. I know some people whose beauty by the worlds standards is not there but when I think of them their beauty blows me away.

    • Hi,
      I can only keep up with mom’s blog when she reads it to me or I am at her house. I don’t have many chances to get on the internet unless I’m at my mom’s. One of my best friends and her mom read my mom’s blog all the time. Yeah, I have found that the people I find attractive are not at all who my friends would think are. Except for maybe, Justin Bieber and Edward Cullen 🙂 Jake isn’t bad either.

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