3 Reasons Why I Won’t Give Up

JCP-1119 (1 of 1) (1)There is a girl, who I love very much, on a path of self-destruction. I have been feeling, in the last few days that she may be successful in her attempts to end her own life.

It feels helpless.

She struggles with some of the same things I struggled with so if anyone should know that nothing can be done, it is I. But that doesn’t stop me from trying, does it? It’s our human nature to come to the rescue of the ones we love and fight for their existence when they no longer seem to care about existing.

I remember once describing my circumstances as feeling like a glass box, encompassing me. I was naked and everyone could see me, but no one could hear me…and I couldn’t hear them. Some of the onlookers were laughing while others were weeping. Some of the people closest to me were pounding on the glass, yelling at me. I couldn’t understand their words, but the emotion in their face communicated such pain.

I am no longer on the inside of the box. I now stand in the crowd, looking in at this beautiful woman, full of potential and light. She, like I, doesn’t see herself accurately. Her appearance, her worth, it’s all skewed. I say things from the outside, but she doesn’t hear me. Her mother, aunt, grandmother, grandfather and friends, weep at the thought of her life ending before it has really even begun. She doesn’t hear them either. She sees them, but their feelings can’t get through the glass she surrounds herself in.

She closes her eyes and is completely alone. In darkness…with only the noise of her own thoughts in her head. If only she would open her eyes, grab the closest thing and shatter the glass. Anyone of us would gladly do it for her, but the only thing that will break this glass is inside the box, with her.

She is teaching me that when we live for others or rely on others for our happiness or discontentment, our reasons for existing are always changing. So I’ve taken a long hard look at why I don’t give up on life when the feelings start telling me to.

Here’s why…

1. A better day always comes. Without fail! Life gets better. It’s just the way it works. Some days are going to suck. Nothing will go as planned. There is always a better day in the future. I know this to be true! I’ve seen it happen more than once in my life. It is guaranteed.

2. Life is incredibly short. It feels really long some days, but the truth is, we blink and our childhood is over, our early adulthood has been lived and we are looking back thinking what our parents always told us they thought, “Where has the time gone?” I want to look back and see a life well lived. In order to do that, I can’t be finished yet.

3. My life, my story, can be used to teach others about perseverance, courage, loving beyond my ability, dreaming BIG dreams and watching them come to fruition. It’s about raw recovery. My life is the epitome of amazing grace.

I know, with all of my heart and experience that the clock is ticking and time is running out. I know that she will die unless she decides to live. I know because there was a day when I was given a choice and I chose life.

Here is our last text exchange.
Text MessageIf you or someone you love is suffering, please don’t wait until it’s too late. There is hope and it starts with you.

  • National Suicide Prevention Helpline 1-800-273-8255 (1-800-273-TALK)
  • http://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/find-help-support
  • Eating Disorders Awareness and Prevention 1-800-931-2237
  • Eating Disorders Center 1-888-236-1188
  • National Association of Anorexia Nervosa and Associated Disorders 1-847-831-3438
  • Crisis Intervention 1-888-596-4447
  • 1-800-273-TALK (8255) or TTY 1-800-799-4TTY (4889)
  • Red Nacional de Prevencion del Suicidio 1-888-628-9454
  • Veterans Suicide Prevention: 1-800-273-TALK (8255) and press 1

6 thoughts on “3 Reasons Why I Won’t Give Up

  1. Joy,
    It is with much heartache and tears that I read and think about this. I pray for your friend that in the darkness that is trying to consume her that she finds hope. 5 years ago my father chose death. Try as we might my siblings and I could not pull him from the darkness he was in. I know the burden her family is feeling. It was difficult to convince my sisters to lay that burden down even after his death. I pray that she trusts God to give her that hope for it is only hope in Him that can truly move someone out of the darkness and despair.

    • Wow, Mark.
      I didn’t realize that this was part of your story.
      I have another friend who’s father took his own life. It is devastating for the children, even when they’re grown.
      I’m so sorry for your loss and for the grief of something so tragic and unexpected. Suicide is such a misunderstood ache.
      Depression is a demon all its own.
      Thank you for your prayers, my friend. I sure do appreciate them!

      Blessings and Light,
      Joy

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  3. I don’t have adequate words for a situation such as this, yet I don’t think it’s coincidence that I happened to be looking at my phone when the notification of your email popped up. You have my prayers, fellow “mom of boys” (we corresponded a couple of times last year about how to keep a marriage in tact with the demands of kids, etc). Your beloved friend also has my prayers, right this very second, for a Divine Intervention. One thing we know for sure: Our. God. Is. Bigger. Bigger than even THIS painful situation. I suspect with your sharing of these circumstances, there will be countless prayers intervening on behalf of your sweet friend. **Hugs to you** from your “virtual friend” in Texas ❤

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