About Joy

I am a writer, photog, mother of 3, wife to the love of my life and a seeker of Christ. I talk about this journey as a recovering narcissistic, self loathing, hypocrite. The goal is to start a conversation through either words or moments captured through the lens. Most importantly, it has to be authentic. Otherwise, what's the point?

Ransomed

Posted on October 19, 2011 by Joy

“My chains are gone, I’ve been set free, my God, my Savior has ransomed me. And like a flood, His mercy reigns, unending love…Amazing Grace.”

9 years ago today, with the help of those who love me, I stepped off the crazy train. Well…fell off would be a little more accurate.

I FINALLY hit bottom.

Battered and bruised in every way imaginable, I had to learn how to stop fighting everyone and everything.

I am a believer that one hits their bottom only when they decide to put the shovel down and stop digging.

I no longer question those who choose to hold on to their shovel, at times, even lying down with it in the hole they have dug. They are beyond all reason.

I don’t take on their shame either. I used to. Maybe that’s a sign of growth? I sure hope so. It’s about progress not perfection, yes?!

What may look to others like an obvious reason to stop the insanity in one’s life, isn’t always the “final straw” so to speak, for the one who is temporarily insane.

Some will never find their grasp on reality again and will therefore eventually lose their life to, what I consider to be, the ego.

Surrender is a difficult thing for some of us.
It can be painful and raw.
We hold on to control for as long as possible, even when it is obvious that we have no control at all.

It has not been an easy road. Chris would agree.
However, Cleaning up the wreckage of my present, on a daily basis is a whole lot easier than cleaning up the wreckage of my past. It’s a daily reprieve.

I don’t need easy, I just need possible. (My favorite quote from the movie Soul Surfer)

I had to learn how to live life. For those of you who have always faced life on life’s terms, this will not make a whole lot of sense to you. But maybe you have known, loved or even lost someone who this resembles.

For those of you who have ever run away, been a prisoner to fear or sought relief from reality in a less than healthy way, maybe you can relate to some of these everyday things I had to learn how to do.

Here are a few…

How to eat at a Mexican restaurant without ordering a margarita.
How to enjoy a concert without some sort of substance.
How to be affectionate with Chris without being completely self conscious. (I’m talking about hugging, holding hands, a kiss…not sex)
How to go out for sushi without ordering sake.
How to be honest about even the little things in conversation.
How to work out, or exercise at all, for that matter, without a stimulant to get me started.
How to fall asleep at night.
How to eat a meal without purging afterwards.
How to look at food as anything other than an enemy.
How to ask for help.
How to relax.

You get the idea…the list could go on and on.

I cried every day for a year.

A pathetic mess, wallowing in self-pity, regret and shame.
The first year was incredibly difficult for me, but also crucial to my recovery as a whole. Had it not been for Chris, and several others, including my dad, I’m not sure I would have made it through.

It takes so much to walk through this type of season with someone. Whether you love the person or not, sometimes love is not enough to weather the kind of storms that early recovery can bring.

I can say with all sincerity that I would not be upright, today, were it not for those incredible individuals who stayed by my side helping me find the motivation within to, scoop myself up off the floor, wash the dirt from my eyes and start living for something other than me.

The support they offered looked something like this (my words cannot do their actions justice, but here’s trying)

Where I was hollow, they saw depth.
Where I was weak, they picked up the slack.
When I was doubting, they reassured me.
When I was crouched in a corner in the dark, they came and sat with me while I sobbed.
When I spoke, they listened.
When I asked for direction, they advised me.
When I celebrated small victories, they were my biggest cheerleaders.

I didn’t have to wonder where God was in all of this, because I could see Him in the actions of those around me…taking care of me…being patient with me…encouraging me…forgiving me.
They have my eternal gratitude.

Chris did not “sign up” to fall in love with a girl like me.
God knew that Chris Cannis was the only man capable of capturing my heart in such a way that didn’t cage who I am.

He set me free.

He loves me with his palm wide open.

He says he knew, from the first day he saw me, that I was the one.

That was 10 years before he asked me to be his wife.

If I know what love is, it is because of him and everything he has taught me on this journey.

Wrestling demons…

Posted on October 18, 2011 by Joy

Ever have one of those dreams that wakes you from sleep with a racing heart and rapid breathing, grasping in the darkness as if you are fighting something that isn’t there?

That is how I woke up this morning. Shaken.

Maybe that’s one of the consequences of having a past where darkness was prevalent?
OR
Maybe it’s one of the blessings?

I haven’t had one of these dreams in a long time, but when I do, a couple of things happen.

I am taken back to a time where I felt utterly lost and fear was my guide.
I reach for Chris and confirm what is real in this moment.
I pray.

There was a time when these sort of dreams were very disturbing to me. In attempts to gain a new perspective, I asked someone who I respect a great deal, what I should do with this feeling that tends to shadow me throughout the day?

This was her response, (as my mind remembers it anyway),

“Where it can be scary to wrestle with demons, especially those from the past, it is a good thing. It reminds us of where we have been, how far we have come and what God has done for us that we could not do for ourselves. Do not look at these dreams as a negative thing. Ask God what He wants you to do with it. Thank Him for life as you know it, today, in this moment. Thank Him for your present reality. And then live. We cannot allow fear to paralyze us when the Creator Himself has called us to life.”

I believe that.

I also believe that we are fighting against something far greater than our memory of a troubling event.

We are fighting the master of darkness.

Okay, I know, it sounds dramatic and a little hokey if you aren’t a big fan of the bible and what has been sprinkled throughout about powers unseen…good and bad.

And maybe I’m still half asleep, but I cannot help but look to God’s word in times like these and the passage that consistently comes to mind is this one;

“And that about wraps it up. God is strong, and he wants you strong. So take everything the Master has set out for you, well-made weapons of the best materials. And put them to use so you will be able to stand up to everything the Devil throws your way. This is no afternoon athletic contest that we’ll walk away from and forget about in a couple of hours. This is for keeps, a life-or-death fight to the finish against the Devil and all his angels. Be prepared. You’re up against far more than you can handle on your own.” Ephesians 6:12 (The Message)

For those of us who grew up in church it read something like this;

“For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.” (New International Version)

I don’t remember ever hearing this passage from a church pew.

Maybe it’s because I wasn’t always paying attention or it could because IT FREAKS PEOPLE OUT!
There are few pastors who are willing to talk about the hard things and not just focus in on the wonderful, uplifting parts of the bible or the verses that talk about giving them more money.

This is one of the many reasons why I love my church.
I could walk in today, recall that which I have said here to any one of those who I consider leaders within the church and instead of looking at me like I have 3 heads, they would guide me through it in a way that I could understand, not downplaying the reality of this spiritual realm that most of us walk around completely oblivious to.

I don’t enjoy those nights when I fall asleep and wrestle the darkness.
I am however encouraged, as it reminds me that I must exercise my spiritual muscles.
Though the battle is already won, the fight is not yet over.

Is that contagious?!

Posted on October 13, 2011 by Joy

To be in a “funk” by definition means – a state of depression; a great state of fear or panic.

Not sure I would go that far, but that is the word I chose when greeted by my hubs after walking through the door. To say that I was snarky and ill tempered, would be an understatement.

That did not deter him.

In the background the sound of Marques Wyatt spinning some deeply soulful house music made me wanna close my eyes and pretend I was swaying under the lights on a NYC dance floor.

Chris has that way about him…Moving me from my seemingly insurmountable circumstances to this place where nothing exists but those things which evoke feelings like the ones you have when recalling the most wonderful times in your life. When there was no real struggle, stress or worry, even if only for a moment. (For some of us this will be difficult to recall…try harder!)

Are you following me???

Let me put it another way. Have you ever walked into a place where the music, smell, lighting, people, ambiance all just made you feel cool…relaxed and desirable? (This probably looks different for all of us. For one, it may be a craft store, while for another, a jazz bar and still for another, it might be nature.)

That’s what I’m talking about. That’s where this man takes me. And for no other reason than, “It’s a Wednesday.”

SO, in an effort to be a wife even close to deserving this kind of treatment, I am making a list of things, from this week alone, that I am grateful for.

Few things will change ones perspective as quickly as an “attitude of gratitude”. And when I am grateful, those around me feel free to express gratitude as well.

Are you ready?

Here we go.

I am grateful for…

~ Pajama pants. Seriously, what would we do without them?!

~ Girlfriends! What would I do without you?!

~ A husband who cooks. And not only that, but the food tastes better than any restaurant I have ever been to. (Which leads me to my next one)

~ Stepping out of my car and before even walking through the door, smelling garlic permeating the air as it simmers with other delicious Italian herbs and spices while creating the perfect red sauce to pour over piping hot pasta that will be garnished with fresh (not out of the green can) parmesan cheese.

~ The road less traveled

~ My friend’s prognosis after her cancer surgery. The doc thinks
they got everything.

~ When God shows me a glimpse of His splendor.

~ A husband who doesn’t point out the fact that I’m being a whiny bee-otch, but instead says, “It’ll pass.” as he embraces me with his big strong arms and kisses my neck, sending chills down my side. (TMI? Well, I had to paint an accurate picture. Neither of us are very touchy feely so this is a genuine act of comfort and reinforcing the security that we have together)

~ AH-MAY-ZING women that I get to work alongside

~ Roasted garlic, black bean Tostito’s. Delish!

~ The precious little ones I am able to spend time with while at work. Children truly put things into perspective. They show me how to approach life…if I will let them.

~ The parking garage where I work (especially when it’s raining).

~ York Peppermint patties. (It’s the little things)

~ My small group! I love “doing life” with these incredible individuals and couples. Circles are better than rows.

~ Kettle Corn (not much more to say, it’s just tasty)

~ When my man sees that I am pushed to my limit, and after cooking an amazing meal, bathes the kiddos and gets them to bed. (For all of you guys out there, there is no foreplay like that of you taking care of something that we do on a daily basis and doing it with a good attitude. HELLLLLLO, your sex appeal just skyrocketed!)

~ The celebration of Cathy Moore‘s life and 4 years (on Oct. 31st) of being cancer free.

~ Coffee! Hot, iced, luke warm…it makes my heart happy

~ Dark chocolate (can’t be less than 70%) that you have to shave from a block. (It goes great with the coffee!)

~ The sound of my 5 yr. old asking me to make sure I give him one more hug and kiss before I go to bed, even if he’s asleep.

~ My 3 yr. Old saying, “Mommy, will you sit by me at dinner?!” Even though my chair is always beside his. It’s nice to feel wanted.

~ My dishwasher.

~ Laughter.

~ Kisses

~Italian (especially when spoken from the mouth of my love)

~ Warm water.

~ The money to buy gas.

~ The fact that I can go into the grocery store and get exactly what I need for my family without worrying if my card will be declined at checkout.

~ Aveda hand lotion. The smell, the texture, everything about it makes my hands happy.

~ Armlengths (for those of you who don’t know what that is…it’s a photo taken from your own outstretched arm. I beg you to try it if you haven’t! It makes for some great pics!)

~ The church where I worship and work. They welcome me… piercings, character defects, tattoo’s and all! Because of that, I want to be better, do better and grow in a deeper relationship with the God of my understanding. I’m not used to that in a church. Guess that’s why Buckhead Church is a church for people who don’t like church.

~ 8 years of marriage with the man of my dreams.

~ TOMS shoes (especially the sparkly ones!). Need I say more?

~ Fall!!! YAY! I wish I could say it’s not because I get to cover up with sweaters, but that would be a lie! Though I do love sweaters, I plan to get my fitness on before next March.

~ Self portraits from a child’s perspective.

~ The fact that my oldest son always takes pictures of his feet that I find when going back through the pics. He always has and hopefully always will. Even long after his feet have grown out of the frame.

Anyway, you get the jist…

What are you grateful for? You don’t have to wait until Thanksgiving to make a list. Why not start now?

For the rest of the week, before my feet hit the floor in the morning, I’m going to choose my tude. I’ll let ya know how it turns out.

Oh, and Chris was right…it passed.

Are all of God’s Children Created Equal?

Posted on October 9, 2011 by Joy

“There is only one God and He is God to all; therefore it is important that everyone is seen as equal before God. ~Mother Teresa

“…red, brown, yellow, black and white, they are precious in His sight…”

Or are they?

Do you believe that we all start out with the same deck of cards (so to speak)?
The same possibilities…chances…hopes…dreams? We have the same beginning but with vastly different endings?

OR, do you believe that before we are ever conceived, our fate has been decided?

Would God really assign one child to a crack addicted girl while giving another to someone who has dreamed of being a mother for years?

Or what about an alcoholic woman, who, every time she goes to the bathroom prays (to whoever is there) that she will see blood in the toilet as a prerequisite for a miscarriage, mainly because she doesn’t know who the father is. And let’s be honest…she isn’t giving up the booze.

I have heard the following phrases and those similar (as I’m sure you have too),
“Well, we work with the cards we are dealt”
“But for the grace of God go I”
“Worthless drunk. Why can’t he/she just pull it together. It’s lack of discipline I tell you!”
“How could anyone just give up their baby?! Wow, are they going to be sorry later!”
“They obviously chose the short straw.”
Maybe I have used a few of these phrases. YIKES. The thought of it coming out of my mouth makes me cringe.

“Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a difficult battle.” ~Plato

My man and I were in a certain part of the city today.
It was fairly early for a Saturday.
As we sat outside enjoying the beautiful weather, one homeless person after another came into the park across from where we were.

I watched them with their packs of belongings, their dogs on the end of a thick string and their feet black from walking either barefoot or with worn sandals.

There is a couple that stood out to me. I watched them for a while.
He looked to be comforting her over something.
I watch him approach a passerby. I figured he was asking him for money. To my surprise, he had asked for his to go box that was in his left hand.
The man gave it to him and quickly walked away.

He then took it over to the woman that he was seemingly consoling and gave it to her. She opened the styrofoam container and ate the left over contents from the strangers meal.

Photo by EyeTunes (CC)

“Make us worthy, Lord, to serve those people throughout the world who live and die in poverty and hunger. Give them through our hands, this day, their daily bread, and by our understanding love, give them peace and joy.” ~Mother Teresa

I see the same man walking up Peachtree on my way to work everyday.
And on my way home he is walking in the opposite direction.

I always notice his mannerisms…the way that he hangs his head when a suit walks by or when a woman crosses to the other side of the street to avoid his stink and stare…
The fact that he is always scratching his thickly bearded face.

All the while, conversing in my head, “He probably has head lice and there is no telling what’s living in that beard? I wonder how long it’s been since he’s had a shower? Where does he use the bathroom? I wonder if he even wants help? I can only imagine how bad his body odor is…Why doesn’t he go to a shelter? He probably has to eat out of dumpsters. I wonder if I could ever do that?! People seem to look right through him as if he is not even there. Is that hurtful to him, or has he grown accustomed to it? I wonder how long he’s been on the street?”

I see him walking as if his left leg is shorter than his right. His skin has leathered from the elements and his hair is almost white with spots of grey.

I wonder who he was? I wonder how he became what he is? I wonder if he had a family and a life? A house with a two car garage and a front lawn that he had to mow once a week.

I wonder if he has children somewhere who no longer speak to him?

I wonder if he prays?

I wonder if he feels inadequate and beaten down? I mean, how could he not?

The first day I remember seeing him, I was driving down Peachtree and came to the stoplight, there he was, walking down the sidewalk. “Oh Lord, please don’t let him ask me for money! Please. You know I will give it to him and it is probably to support whatever habit he has.” I avoided eye contact. You know the kind, when someone in utter desperation looks at you and if you are looking at them, you are now involved somehow.

“Don’t look. Just look straight ahead. Good Lord! Is this the longest stoplight in Georgia?!”

I couldn’t help it, I had to look back over to my right where he was walking.

My eyes met his. They were the most beautiful blue eyes I had ever seen, with lines as deep as valleys encasing them.

He didn’t smile…he did not approach my car and ask for money…he just kept walking.
“If you judge people, you have no time to love them.” ~Mother Teresa

Just then I heard the car horn behind me…the light was green.

As I drove on, all I could hear in my head was a quote from Mother Teresa saying, “They are all Jesus in disguise”.

I was shaken. I was…changed.

I began looking for this man every morning and afternoon on my commute.
What is his name? Does he go to a shelter? Does he reside under a bridge? Is he mentally stable?

“Lord, WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO WITH THIS?! Why is this person in my path everyday? More than once? I do not know what I am supposed to do with this?! But I know I can’t simply do nothing. I can no longer turn my head and look the other way.”

Besides, that could be me…

“Nah, banish that thought! Put it out of your mind!”

No really, I wasn’t too far from where he is and I certainly deserved to be eating from dumpsters without a bed to sleep in or a roof over my head.

If I say, “Thankfully God was looking out for me!!” Does that mean that He is not looking out for this man?

I’m guessing that when he was little he didn’t dream of one day living on the street. Calling a bridge under I-85 “home sweet home”. I seriously doubt that he saw himself walking around the polluted city streets for hours a day in a sweat stained wife beater and hole filled jeans, while carrying everything he owned in a pink backpack.

I think he dreamed of being something more.

So what happened?

I don’t know? Maybe it was the cards he was dealt? Maybe he’s unlucky? Maybe his destiny was always to be that of a homeless wanderer?

OR…

Maybe not! Maybe someone just like me, at another place and time, before things got so bad, passed him by…looked the other way…figured someone else would help him?

“You and I, we are the Church, no? We have to share with our people. Suffering today is because people are hoarding, not giving, not sharing. Jesus made it very clear. Whatever you do to the least of my brethren, you do it to me. Give a glass of water, you give it to me. Receive a little child, you receive me.” ~Mother Teresa

Do you know what I love and adore about Buckhead Church, my church (with no steeple)? I LOVE that I am constantly challenged to BE THE CHURCH. I am encouraged to BE BOLD. I don’t wait for God to meet me in a building on Sunday, I seek and walk with Him daily. Do you know how powerful that is?! That is a truth that I did not accept until I was 3 decades into my life.

I know that it’s easier not to look or listen or…notice, but I beg you…please…open your eyes.
Or better yet, ask for a new set of eyes. My prayer is, God, Give Me Your Eyes and then help me do something with what I have seen and not worry about what other people think of me.

“If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives;
be kind anyway.
If you are successful, you will win some false friends and true enemies;
succeed anyway.
If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you;
be honest and frank anyway.
If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous;
be happy anyway.
The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow;
do good anyway…
You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and God;
it was never between you and them anyway.”
~Mother Teresa

Beloved Son…Mighty Warrior

Posted on October 7, 2011 by Joy

“Each second we live is a new and unique moment of the universe, a moment that will never be again. And what do we teach our children? We teach them that two and two make four, and that Paris is the capital of France. When will we also teach them what they are? We should say to each of them: Do you know what you are? You are a marvel. You are unique. In all the years that have passed, there has never been another child like you. Your legs, your arms, your clever fingers, the way you move. You may become a Shakespeare, a Michelangelo, a Beethoven. You have the capacity for anything. Yes, you are a marvel. And when you grow up, can you then harm another who is, like you, a marvel? You must work, we must all work, to make the world worthy of its children.” -Pablo Picasso

Friday’s have officially been declared (by me) as “Pajama Pants Day”. Meaning…exactly how it sounds…I don’t get out of my pj’s ALL DAY!

SO, today being Friday, I was elated when Chris said he was taking the boys to Waffle House for breakfast. This would mean that I was the only one in the house. Oh glorious silence. I could do exactly what I wanted to do, which was…nothing!!! YAAAAAAAY!

Much to my surprise, when they came home the hubs said, “Here’s the game plan for the day…” Ah-hem, wait just a minute! Pause! STOP! Time-out! This is my Pajama Pants Day! Just because the boys chose to bail does not mean that I have to.

I’m guessing you can imagine how that was received and what kind of response it elicited.

I begrudgingly went upstairs to get dressed, mumbling all the while about how everyone knows that I don’t change out of my pajama pants on Friday. It’s a known fact! I even pick Ri up from school…IN MY PAJAMA PANTS.

Only, Ri didn’t have school today and Chris was making an effort to spend some quality time together as a family. The last thing he needed was a grumpy wife!

SIDE NOTE: Grumpy wives/mothers are the worst, aren’t they?!
When we are grumpy it tends to spread like wildfire to the outlying areas or people.
The saying “When mama Ain’t happy, Ain’t nobody happy!” is SO true.

This has definitely been something that I am trying to work on. Because 9 times out of 10 (ladies, please don’t send me any hate mail) we are grumpy over something so trivial that we cannot exactly remember what it was after a while so we dig up something else that we were pissed about in the past and use that to feed our pity-city (this is when it has extended way beyond the pity-pot and turned into a pity-city)

Anywho, my temperament is not one to stay grumpy so I did what any intelligent woman who was just pulled away from her coffee and pj’s would do… I went through the drive thru of my favorite Starbucks and ordered my drink. “May I please have an iced grande, soy, chai latte?” “Yes!” said the angelic voice on the other side of the speaker.

The fact that my 5 yr. old was yelling from the backseat “MAAAAAHHHHHMEEEEE, you can’t have that drink everyday! Remember?! Daddy said!” did not deter me. My response, “It could be so much worse Darling, but thank you for the reminder!”

Ahhhh, the first sip. I raised the straw to my lips and there it was… instant happiness! Isn’t that ah-may-zing?! Shallow, yes. But no less amazing.

We then met Chris at the car rental place and he took over driving, thus allowing me to lean my head back, feel the warmth of the sun penetrate my skin while hanging my arm out the window and enjoying the coolness of a Fall morning.

Wait… what was I irritated about before?!

Oh yeah, pajama pants. Right!

All of that irritation seemed to just melt away with the warm sunshine on my skin.

Not too long after my awakening to the fact that I was, once again being completely selfish, we pulled up to the Chattahoochee Nature Center. NO ONE WAS THERE! YES! As much as I love being around people 99.99% of the time, I do not like crowds.

We got out of the car and felt the breeze mixing with the sunshine, and the sound of the leaves dancing and the water glistening and reflecting the blue sky…when the serenity of the moment was broken by my 5 yr. old saying, “Daddy, look! The trees are dropping their leaves so that they can be necked!” “Naked?” he replied. “Yeah, necked! That’s what mommy said.”

“Um, come on boys, let’s get going.”, I said.

We started down a path towards the river walk and it was as if we have entered our own world. Everything was working together to create the perfect setting.

“For what?” you might ask.

For exploration of course.

If there is one thing that I am certain of and am learning more and more everyday, it’s that we all need exploration (especially boys). The chance to look at the beauty and listen to the wonder of nature. An escape from the monotony of our everyday.

We need to be reminded that we are created in the image of a great God and that, no matter how breathtaking parts of the world around us seem, we are all the more breathtaking to Him.

Boys don’t just need to explore, they need adventure.

A patch of dark sand or dirt may look completely ordinary, even a little unappealing to us gals, but to a boy, he wants to get his hands in it, feel it between his fingers, stomp around and look at his footprints. To him, this is cause for celebration as he calls everyone over and says, “LOOK! Look at the footprint I made! That’s MY foot!”

Oh to have that childlike wonder! I needed to be reminded of just how precious it is! And the reminder needs to come in boy language, the language of my sons. Otherwise, I see it as just another patch of dirt.

We continued on… over bridges, up hills, over rocks and protruding tree roots. All the while picking up little treasures along the way.

“Mommy, look at the acorn I found for you! Isn’t it pretty?! You keep that part and I’ll keep the top!”, said my 5 year old. And then he was off again.

The boys ran and climbed, skidded and jumped. They were getting so dirty! WHO CARES! Let them be boys!

In an excerpt from John Eldrige’s book, Wild at Heart, he says “The recipe for fun is pretty simple raising boys: add to any activity an element of danger, stir in a little exploration, add a dash of destruction, and you’ve got yourself a winner. The way they ski is a perfect example. Get to the top of the highest run, point your skis straight downhill and go, the faster the better. And this doesn’t end with age; the stakes simply get higher.”

I wholeheartedly agree! It took me a while to get there…and those who know me well would shake their heads in agreement.

There is nothing better, as a mother, than watching my boys be exactly what God created them to be.
I don’t know what their future holds or what they will choose as a career. But what I do know is that, for now, they are living out God’s purpose by just being boys!

When I am not hindering them, that is!

Moms of boys, let’s not hinder them anymore. Let’s not project ourselves onto them or insist that they look through freshly cleaned feminine lenses more than mud splattered goggles.

Don’t get me wrong, there is a time to teach them about girls, how to treat them, protect them and love them…how differently we see life. There will be a time for relationship advice. That time is not now.

In the book Captivating, Staci Eldridge says, “A woman is a warrior too. But she is meant to be a warrior in a uniquely feminine way. Sometime before the sorrows of life did their best to kill it in us, most young women wanted to be a part of something grand, something important.”

In another part of the book she says, “We desire to possess a beauty that is worth pursuing, worth fighting for, a beauty that is core to who we truly are. We want beauty that can be seen; beauty that can be felt; beauty that affects others; a beauty all our own to unveil.”

Here’s the deal… if those of us raising boys will let them experience life the way God intended and those of us raising girls (I fall into both categories) will protect their hearts while allowing them to figure some things out on their own, we might just have some incredible adults when they grow up.

Wives, we need to understand this too. The men that God has given us, still have this desire. The more we let them be who they were created to be, the closer we get to their heart.

If they want to play football in the mud or go out and catch fish on a hook or hunt for wild game, we must be willing to let them do that. If they want to occasionally slip outside and pee in the backyard (this is how I potty trained both my boys. Sorry neighbors) LET THEM. What’s the harm in it?!

It’s when we (meaning all of us, society, etc.) stifle the man they are trying to become by constantly chastising the boy they so desperately need to be, that they end up years later feeling like something is missing, but they don’t quite know what it is.

My prayer, for my beloved warriors, is that I will be the enhancer of their becoming who God created them to be. That I will develop and shape them into wise, strong, well-rounded, Godly men. That I will appreciate all that they can teach me about life.

A few weeks ago, while I was engrossed in my laptop, after asking me for the 3rd time to come outside, my 5 year old said, “Mommy, you don’t play enough.”

Well boys, that’s going to change. Starting now.

For you, my Friend…

Posted on October 4, 2011 by Joy

More times than not my worship comes primarily through song. (If you are envisioning me sitting with legs crossed, finger and thumb gently touching, in a meditative state while singing, that isn’t what I mean.) What I mean is that I can listen to a song (and the ones below are some of my favorites for prayer, and focus on, in this case, my friend Elliot, who is going through some incredible uncertainties.

What she is certain of and professes to believe is that God is faithful, that His love never fails and that this is all part of His plan. She is incredibly strong… an inspiration to us all… especially to me. While she is currently in surgery and throughout the day, these are the words I will be praying for her. Feel free to click on the link and listen or just read the words.

Oh, and if you are someone who prays, or even if you are not (make this your first one), please say a prayer for Elliot, her husband Chris and their 2 young children.

“Bring the Rain“
by MercyMe

I can count a million times
People asking me how I
Can praise You with all that I’ve gone through
The question just amazes me
Can circumstances possibly
Change who I forever am in You
Maybe since my life was changed
Long before these rainy days
It’s never really ever crossed my mind
To turn my back on you, oh Lord
My only shelter from the storm
But instead I draw closer through these times
So I pray

Bring me joy, bring me peace
Bring the chance to be free
Bring me anything that brings You glory
And I know there’ll be days
When this life brings me pain
But if that’s what it takes to praise You
Jesus, bring the rain

I am Yours regardless of
The dark clouds that may loom above
Because You are much greater than my pain
You who made a way for me
By suffering Your destiny
So tell me what’s a little rain
So I pray

Holy, holy, holy
Is the Lord God Almighty

“Blessings“
by Laura Story

We pray for blessings
We pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering
All the while, You hear each spoken need
Yet love us way too much to give us lesser things

‘Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

We pray for wisdom
Your voice to hear
And we cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt Your goodness, we doubt Your love
As if every promise from Your Word is not enough
All the while, You hear each desperate plea
And long that we’d have faith to believe

‘Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
And what if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

When friends betray us
When darkness seems to win
We know that pain reminds this heart
That this is not, this is not our home
It’s not our home

‘Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
And what if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if my greatest disappointments
Or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can’t satisfy
And what if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are Your mercies in disguise

“Word of God Speak“
by MercyMe

I’m finding myself at a loss for words
And the funny thing is it’s okay
The last thing I need is to be heard
But to hear what You would say

[CHORUS]
Word of God speak
Would You pour down like rain
Washing my eyes to see
Your majesty
To be still and know
That You’re in this place
Please let me stay and rest
In Your holiness
Word of God speak

I’m finding myself in the midst of You
Beyond the music, beyond the noise
All that I need is to be with You
And in the quiet hear Your voice

[REPEAT CHORUS 2x]

Word of God speak
Would You pour down like rain
Washing my eyes to see
Your majesty
To be still and know
That You’re in this place
Please let me stay and rest
In Your holiness
Word of God speak

I’m finding myself at a loss for words
And the funny thing is it’s okay

“Your Hands“
by JJ Heller

I have unanswered prayers
I have trouble I wish wasn’t there
And I have asked a thousand ways
That you would take my pain away
You would take my pain away

I am trying to understand
How to walk this weary land
Make straight the paths that crooked lie
Oh Lord, before these feet of mine
Oh Lord, before these feet of mine

When my world is shaking, heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave your hands

When you walked upon the earth
You healed the broken, lost and hurt
I know you hate to see me cry
One day you will set all things right
Yeah, one day you will set all things right

When my world is shaking, heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave your hands

Your hands that shaped the world
Are holding me
They hold me still
Your hands that shaped the world
Are holding me
They hold me still

When my world is shaking, heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave you
When my world is shaking, heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave
I never leave your hands

“Better than a Hallelujah“
by Amy Grant

God loves a lullaby
In a mother’s tears in the dead of night
Better than a Hallelujah sometimes

God loves the drunkard’s cry
The soldier’s plea not to let him die
Better than a Hallelujah sometimes

We pour out our miseries
God just hears a melody
Beautiful, the mess we are
The honest cries of breaking hearts
Are better than a Hallelujah

The woman holding on for life
The dying man giving up the fight
Are better than a Hallelujah sometimes

The tears of shame for what’s been done
The silence when the words won’t come
Are better than a Hallelujah sometimes

We pour out our miseries
God just hears a melody
Beautiful, the mess we are
The honest cries of breaking hearts
Are better than a Hallelujah

Better than a church bell ringing
Better than a choir singing out, singing out

We pour out our miseries
God just hears a melody
Beautiful, the mess we are
The honest cries of breaking hearts
Are better than a Hallelujah

(Better than a Hallelujah sometimes)
Better than a Hallelujah
(Better than a Hallelujah sometimes)

What’s the Solution…to my Being Human?

Posted on October 4, 2011 by Joy

Here’s what I know…

When my children are able to strike a nerve just by…

Laughing
Singing
Squealing as they chase each other around the house
Saying, “MOM” (no matter how many times)
Asking for something to drink
Wanting to play a game
Trying to stay right next to me (even if it’s all day)

(You get what I’m trying to say, right?!)

Basically by just being kids…

Something needs to change in me.
In this case the phrase is true, “It’s not them, it’s me.”

SO, I have to ask myself the same thing I would ask them were they grumpy seemingly without reason. We have all seen the euphemism…HALT. Am I…

H – hungry
A – Angry
L – lonely
T – tired

The truth is, sometimes, I’m all 4! It just helps to pause and attempt to discern what is really going on.

I use a phrase with my kiddos. It’s simply this – “CHOOSE YOUR TUDE”
Attitude is a choice.

How better for my children to learn this than for me to model it through my actions?

I’ve seen people in some of the worst circumstances my mind is capable of imagining and yet they are smiling and praising.

I look forward to the time when I am not apologizing so much!
When I have learned patience (be careful what you ask for. Usually the only way to learn patience is to practice), perseverance (you know, the kind only a mother can have), humility (ick), having a servant’s heart (more of you, less of me), the act of being present (ouch! I have a loooooong way to go on this one), being the example of what I’m asking them to be (it’s only fair, right?!)

And if we want to get right to the heart of the matter – I need to pray specifically for these things…MORE. I need to lift my children up to the Father…MORE. I need to ask for help (the Divine kind)…MORE. And I need to do those things that recharge me mentally, emotionally and spiritually (without guilt! Or the feeling that I’m being selfish!).

And no matter how many times I point my finger, the responsibility always comes back to me.

The following is an excerpt from one of Max Lucado’s books.
It is by far, one of my favorite prayers to pray and one that changes my attitude faster than anything else. I would encourage you to read through it once and choose the part that most speaks to you. Post these words somewhere…your mirror, dashboard, desk, computer, (you get the idea), and pray them once or several times throughout the day. You will be amazed how it begins to, not only change your perspective, but shape your actions as well.

Try it! What do you have to lose… except a stinky tude?! Who knows, people may even enjoy being around you.

When God Whispers Your Name

By Max Lucado

Galations 5: 22

IT’S QUIET. It’s early. My coffee is hot. The sky is still black. The world is still asleep. The day is coming.
In a few moments the day will arrive. It will roar down the track with the rising of the sun. The stillness of the dawn will be exchanged for the noise of the day. The calm of solitude will be replaced by the pounding pace of the human race. The refuge of the early morning will be invaded by decisions to be made and deadlines to be met.
For the next twelve hours I will be exposed to the day’s demands. It is now that I must make a choice. Because of Calvary, I’m free to choose. And so I choose.

I choose love . . .

No occasion justifies hatred; no injustice warrants bitterness. I choose love. Today I will love God and what God loves.

I choose joy . . .

I will invite my God to be the God of circumstance. I will refuse the temptation to be cynical . . . the tool of the lazy thinker. I will refuse to see people as anything less than human beings, created by God. I will refuse to see any problem as anything less than an opportunity to see God.

I choose peace . . .

I will live forgiven. I will forgive so that I may live.

I choose patience . . .

I will overlook the inconveniences of the world. Instead of cursing the one who takes my place, I’ll invite him to do so. Rather than complain that the wait is too long, I will thank God for a moment to pray. Instead of clinching my fist at new assignments, I will face them with joy and courage.

I choose kindness . . .

I will be kind to the poor, for they are alone. Kind to the rich, for they are afraid. And kind to the unkind, for such is how God has treated me.

I choose goodness . . .

I will go without a dollar before I take a dishonest one. I will be overlooked before I will boast. I will confess before I will accuse. I choose goodness.

I choose faithfulness . . .

Today I will keep my promises. My debtors will not regret their trust. My associates will not question my word. My wife will not question my love. And my children will never fear that their father will not come home.

I choose gentleness . . .

Nothing is won by force. I choose to be gentle. If I raise my voice may it be only in praise. If I clench my fist, may it be only in prayer. If I make a demand, may it be only of myself.

I choose self-control . . .

I am a spiritual being. After this body is dead, my spirit will soar. I refuse to let what will rot, rule the eternal. I choose self-control. I will be drunk only by joy. I will be impassioned only by my faith. I will be influenced only by God. I will be taught only by Christ. I choose self-control.

Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. To these I commit my day. If I succeed, I will give thanks. If I fail, I will seek his grace. And then, when this day is done, I will place my head on my pillow and rest.

Here are two different translations of this passage,

Galations 5:22-23

This first one from The Message is my favorite.

The second is the traditional one from NIV that I grew up hearing.

Either translation says it simply and truthfully.

If I can get this down, I will not only be a better mother, but a better wife, friend, daughter…

the possibilities are endless!

Galatians 5:22-23
The Message (MSG)
But what happens when we live God’s way? He brings gifts into our lives, much the same way that fruit appears in an orchard—things like affection for others, exuberance about life, serenity. We develop a willingness to stick with things, a sense of compassion in the heart, and a conviction that a basic holiness permeates things and people. We find ourselves involved in loyal commitments, not needing to force our way in life, able to marshal and direct our energies wisely.
Legalism is helpless in bringing this about; it only gets in the way. Among those who belong to Christ, everything connected with getting our own way and mindlessly responding to what everyone else calls necessities is killed off for good—crucified.

Galatians 5:22-23
New International Version (NIV)
But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.