(This post was written on the 10th anniversary of that day in history that changed everything…)

While contemplating what my next profile pic will be for FB, this rush of self-awareness caught me a little off-guard.

“I did my part. I posted the American flag, even made it my profile picture for more than 24 hours and added some inspiring and well thought out statements about that awful day 10 years ago {now 11 years}. I cried on Sunday while watching the news channels rebroadcast that horrifying morning when minutes passed like hours. So now am I moving on? Did I remember or just acknowledge the happenings of that Tuesday morning? Did I truly honor the lives lost and impacted or did I do what I thought was “right” on a day when there were so many emotions?” I don’t know? Does it matter?

I think it does.

I’m the girl who has to constantly survey my motives in order to keep my ego in check. “Why am I doing this?” “Is it to make myself look better?” “Is it so that people will like me?” “Is it to get something that I think I am entitled too?” “Is it out of fear that I won’t go to Heaven if I don’t?” “Will this have a positive impact on anyone or am I speaking empty words followed by hollow actions?”

I would love to say that the answer to all of those questions is a resounding “NO.”
But, I would be lying.

To acknowledge something is not a bad thing…necessarily. It is recognizing that something has been or is.

Remembering, in my opinion, is reliving a moment…the way it felt and smelled and looked…it is taking time out to reflect and depending on the situation, give reverence to.

If I could give you a word picture this is what it would look like…
Acknowledge – Grey, forced, sterile.
Remember – Vivid colored streamers being waved around on those sticks (you know the ones), by people dressed in white linen with their hair flowing in the breeze, near the water, on a crystal clear day, with the sun reflecting off of the ripples.
(I didn’t give acknowledge a chance, did I? I’m just trying to give you a minuscule taste of how my mind works.)

I don’t want to just pick up where I left off on September 10th. I want to have a mental makeover. I want to carry the reverence for that day with me every day. I want the reminder that when this event occurred, I walked away thinking, “I want to do something that matters. I don’t want to just get by. I want to do something more.”

I want to remember until it hurts…until it evokes the kind of change in me that does not allow the lazy sentiment “Someone else will do it…If I don’t, someone will.” I want that someone to be me. And may all of the credit to go to my Savior, without whom, I could not draw another breath.