Tag Archives: love

Grateful

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The man I love lays down next to me. He reaches over, lightly caressing the top of my bare shoulder with his strong hand before sleep sets in. Nothing is said. Words are not needed. His arm slips down beside mine as his breathing changes to deep and rhythmic.

I turn to see the outline of his face in the darkness and I whisper, “Thank you God for this man.” His mind brilliant. His body strong. His passion intense and his love complete. Leaving my heart full and desires lacking nothing.

I take his hand and lace the sleepy fingers between mine to feel the energy pulsating through. Is this a dream? This life that I have… is it real? I have been asking myself that same question for the last 10 years. Usually at night when the only sounds are those heard when everything else is quiet.

I turn onto my side and close my eyes soaking in my reality. Knowing how completely undeserving I am of this man and the security he brings. Not underestimating the chemistry that we share.

Pressing my eyelids tight, expecting tears to come, they never do. I squeeze his fingers between mine as he sleeps, realizing that I am growing in the understanding of unconditional love. I am accepting the imperfection of self while giving in to the happily ever after that exists even for a girl like me. At least here. Now. In this place. In this moment of beautiful calm.

Will you marry me?

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We have this adorable little girl in our lives named Aubrey. She is my close friend’s daughter. She is funny and precious, full of wonder and overflowing with character. I cannot imagine life without her.

Oh, and I should probably mention that when asking my youngest son about her, his response is, “She’s my girl.”Yesterday I asked if she could come with us to the Botanical Gardens so that Caden wouldn’t be so reluctant to go and so that I could practice photographing with a specific lens. As always, it was delightful and we had a fun time running through trails, looking at fall decor and smelling exotic flowers.

The time I will most remember is sitting around the table at lunch. The conversation that followed was priceless. I was snapping pictures as quickly as I could throughout the discussion.

“Caden, do you wanna marry me?”

(silence)

Caden continues to color. Never looking up.

Aubrey, finding this somewhat frustrating, asks a little louder and with more urgency.

“Caden! I said, do you wanna marry me?!”

Still looking at his artwork, he says, “Yeah.”
“When you’re married you can kiss whenever you want.” exclaims Aubrey.

Caden responds, “I’m gonna kiss you now.”

“Okay. Come kiss me then. The boy’s pose to ask the girl.”

Caden sends an air kiss and sits back down.Moments pass before Aubrey speaks up.

“Do you love me Caden?”

“I love you forever.” he replies. (Still coloring)

“Where do you wanna get married Caden?”

“At the Botanical Gardens.” he says.

“Do you wanna have a band?” she asks.

“Uh-huh.”

“My dress is gonna be made out of flowers!” she announces.

“That’ll be pretty.” he replies.

“Do we want to get married during the day or at night?” she asks.

He thinks for a minute…”At night. And we’ll have hotdogs, toasted cheese, brownies and pizza to eat.”

“Cake and ice cream later.” she adds.

“Okay! It’s settled!” she proclaims.

“Should I tell my mom?”
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As a child of God, we crawl before no one

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“We must be entirely honest if we expect to live long or happily in this world.

We have entered the world of the Spirit. Our next function is to grow in understanding and effectiveness. This is not an overnight matter. It should continue for a lifetime. Continue to watch for selfishness, dishonesty, resentment and fear. When these crop up, we ask God at once to remove them…

Love and tolerance of others is our code.

And we have ceased fighting anything or anyone… For by this time sanity will have returned. We react sanely and normally, and we will find that this has happened automatically. We will see that our new attitude has been given us without any thought or effort on our part. It just comes! That is the miracle of it. We are not fighting it, neither are we avoiding temptation. We feel as though we have been placed in a position of neutrality – safe and protected. We have not even sworn off. Instead, the problem has been removed. It does not exist for us. We are neither cocky nor are we afraid. That is our experience. That is how we react so long as we keep in fit spiritual condition.”

~ Taken from the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous, page 84-85 ~
AA is a group of individuals from all walks of life, who share the same ism. It is a program to which I owe my life.

 

Five Minute Friday: Light

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Every Friday I link up to The Gypsy Mama for Five Minute Friday. It is a time when I can write uninhibited and not spend hours editing and tweaking. It’s fun, you should try it. On this good Friday, the prompt is “light.” Ready?

Light
by Joy Cannis

Light dispels darkness.

The light of the world paid the ultimate sacrifice to ensure that I did not have to live in darkness, but He still left the choice up to me.

When I let that truth sink in I am overwhelmed with gratitude.

I began praying more than 10 years ago that God would make me a light in a dark world. That I would so shine before others that they could not help but ask what was fueling the flame.

It has been a process…a journey.

I remember the first time someone asked me what was different about me. I was at work and talking with a co worker who was rather ruff around the edges. She had never been nice to me or opened up to me about anything.

On this particular day, that all changed. After a discussion lasting only a few minutes she asked, “What’s different about you? Why are you always so… happy?!”

With a smile I said, “Believe me, I’m not always happy. This has been one of the hardest years of my life. But I believe in a God who is faithful even when it doesn’t feel like it. It’s easier for me to rest in that and praise Him for what He has already done. There is no denying His track record.”

This led to many more conversations about God and all of the many things that go along with believing in Him.

I would love to tell you that we had this magical moment where we knelt down, a bright light shown down on us and because of something I had said, she professed her faith in Jesus. It didn’t happen that way. She and I are still having conversations.

Our relationship keeps me seeking when every day life as a believer feels mundane. I wish it never felt that way, but I will not apologize for saying that it does.

I can’t see her heart. Maybe she does believe? Maybe she has surrendered her life to the One who loves her enough to die? Only she and God know the answer to that.

What I can see is what happens when I obey and trust. God has called me to be a light in the world. Only light can bring more light. Some people will misunderstand, maybe even become annoyed by the fact that I am a card carrying, Jesus lovin’ gal who is sold out to Christ. That’s okay. We all have to walk our own path.

If asked, I will say to them, “How could I not emulate the one who saved me from myself? Who met me at my lowest point, in my darkest hour. He wasn’t waiting for me to show up at a scheduled time on Sunday, looking like I had it all together. He found me. Don’t ever underestimate the places He is willing to go to find those He loves. He is the Ultimate Rescuer.”

Today, this day that marks one of the most important moments in the life of a follower of Jesus, I will remember that He was beaten beyond recognition. I will acknowledge the crown of thorns that was pushed into His head. I will confess that I might as well have been the one holding the hammer that drove the nails into his hands and feet. It was my sin that held Him there, caused the Father to turn away and ensured He took His final breath as payment for my transgressions.

by Joy Cannis

It is I who put Him there and I am the one for whom He died.

This Man

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Okay, okay, I get it. You want the story. The Chris and Joy “Happily Ever After” story.

An entire book could be written on this subject alone… How we met when I was just 16 and he was 18 and though it would be years before we would consummate what had only grown stronger since that first meeting… our lives… from that day… would never be the same.

And those of you who know me well are right, I cannot get much further into this blog world without talking about the man who stormed the gates of hell, picked me up and carried me home.

More times than not, when I don’t do something, it’s rooted in the fear of failure.

In this case, it’s the fear that I can not do our story justice through my menial writing ability. That I do not have the words to paint an accurate picture of the way that God used this man to change the course of my life. That because of him, I have been redeemed. And because of his faithfulness and pursuit of my heart, I have a better grasp of Christ’s love.

The man that I see when I look at him is one who has sacrificed much and fought tirelessly. This strong and beautiful man has saved me from myself more times than I probably even know. He saw promise in the brokenness. He was able to see what I could not see and he has spent the last decade helping me uncover and bring into the light who I really am.

Christopher is the first man, the first human being that has ever had a front row seat to my heart and soul. It’s a scary thing. He, however, sifted through the lies of darkness, broke down the walls of self loathing and established residence. It was no easy task. His persistence paid off and after, not months, but years of diligently championing my heart, I began to see what he saw. Possibilities from within.

There is a song called Bless the Broken Road.
The first time I heard it while driving, I had to pull over as the tears kept flowing, stinging my eyes and blurring my vision.

Here is the part that most resonates with me…

I think about the years I spent just passing through
I’d like to have the time I lost and give it back to you
But you just smile and take my hand
You’ve been there you understand
It’s all part of a grander plan that is coming true

Every long lost dream led me to where you are
Others who broke my heart they were like Northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you

Now I’m just rolling home
Into my lover’s arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you

Though there is so much more to the story…so many details and tangible evidence of forgiveness, struggle, passion, pain and beauty… the truth that I know, that I will always know, is this…

God created me. And while forming and shaping my being, He already had Christopher in mind. He then made him to fit me exactly. Or maybe vice versa…either way, we are like puzzle pieces… Each completes the whole. We were created with the other in mind and God’s hand is on us still. Of this, I am sure.