I’ve contemplated starting a blog for…oh…about 3 years now. There is a book out there that describes a person’s positive progress as “sometimes quickly,” “sometimes slowly.” I fall in the “sometimes slowly” category.
For the last several months, the “Being” that I choose to call God has been nudging me ever so gently. “Why Lord?! Nobody cares what I have to say! No one is going to read it! AND I don’t want to air my dirty laundry to the world while opening myself up for criticism! My head is a confusing place for me to be! Why would I invite anyone else in?”
And then it came to me, like fog lifting…”This isn’t about you, it’s about Me.” And by Me, I mean God. He brought me through some major life “stuff”. The kind of “stuff” that some don’t survive to tell about.
So, I said a prayer a few months ago. It went something like this…”God, I am only alive because of you. Because of your faithfulness. Because of your unrelenting love and pursuit of my heart. I don’t know why or how you could use a girl like me, but here I am. Use me up for your glory. Amen”
Ever heard the saying, “Be careful what you pray for?”
A little history… I am a wretch…left to my own devices that is. I am a self-absorbed, egotistical maniac with an inferiority complex. (That’s not original, I heard someone else say it). I want you to love me even if I don’t like you. I am self-destructive, manipulative, dishonest and beyond human aid. I was broken beyond repair.
That’s where Christ stepped in…and did what He does so well…He redeemed me.
I lived for myself for a very long time. It sucked. Don’t get me wrong, there were times when I thought it was great…then 10 minutes after last call, the house lights would come on in the club and everything that looked so glamorous in the glow of the dance floor, now looked dirty, tired and hollow in the fluorescents.
I would get this sick feeling in the pit of my stomach, like, “What now? I wonder what’s open? I don’t want to go home where the only thing waiting is silence. The quiet scares me cause it screams the truth.” And the truth it was screaming…I was a hot mess!
I figured I would give this blog thing a try. If you choose to read it and walk away with anything helpful, rest assured it isn’t me, it’s God. He gets ALL the glory. I was bound by darkness…shackled to my shame, but then one day I heard what I had been told a thousand times before…If I was the only one in the world, Christ would have suffered the unimaginable death of that day on Calvary.
And for me, friend, when those feelings of inferiority and shame creep up and try to draw me back into darkness, I think of the sacrifice that was made on my behalf. Knowing the awful things I would do, He still gave his life in place of mine. For that truth to go unrecognized is for me to say that the cross is not enough to cover my wounds. And I can say with great assurance…The Cross Is Enough!
My chains are gone, I’ve been set free. I am a student of life and want to absorb anything and everything that will help me live out my purpose (see, told you I am self-absorbed.) Oh, and the chances of a really profound statement being a Joy original…slim to slimmer. I have learned so much from others. Those who sustained me when I was thought to be less than salvageable.
I have this crazy story… about life and love, death, betrayal, heartache, second chances, redemption and so much more…and well…that’s a post for another time.
For now, I am basking in the unbelievable blessings that are my reality while gettin’ my gratitude on that God would choose to use… even a girl like me.