About Joy

I am a writer, photog, mother of 3, wife to the love of my life and a seeker of Christ. I talk about this journey as a recovering narcissistic, self loathing, hypocrite. The goal is to start a conversation through either words or moments captured through the lens. Most importantly, it has to be authentic. Otherwise, what's the point?

Five Minute Friday: Real

Posted on May 4, 2012 by Joy

It’s Friday and you know what that means!
1. Write for 5 minutes flat – no editing, no over thinking, no backtracking
Here are my best five minutes on: REAL

In a world where so many things are not real it’s nice to come across the things that are.

So much of our lives are lived online, it’s rare to connect with a real person…well…ever.
If I wanted to, I could avoid ever talking to, interacting with or seeing another person.
Virtually everything we need can be done online.

Don’t get me wrong, I love that I can order anything (including groceries), attend church, video conference, write letters, sign petitions, support ministries, look through photo albums of friends I haven’t seen in years, instant message and so many other things, anytime of the day, without ever changing out of my pj’s or leaving the house.

However, it makes me all the more aware that I must make a conscious effort to build real relationships. I must be deliberate about real compliments, real “Thank you’s” and real “How are you doing(s)?” Or, no matter the intention, it is lost in translation from keyboard to screen.

We can get almost anything we want now, as long as we have the cash or credit to back up the desire. The thing that we can’t get, no matter how much money or time or resources we have, is the ability to be 100% authentic or… real.

It takes time, awareness, sacrifice, investment…but it is so worth it.

STOP

OK, are you ready? What does real mean to you?

2. Link back here and invite others to join in.

3. Please visit the person who linked up before you & encourage them in their comments.

The sins of the father

Posted on May 3, 2012 by Joy

I have been told that the sins of the father, like some genetic curse, are passed down through generations. I’m not sure if I believe that? I have seen things that would indicate it is true and other things to disprove it’s validity. What do you think?

Do you have a father who does or did the things that you swear you’ll never do? Be careful what you think about. Wherein your focus lies, you will most certainly gravitate.

A recent conversation took me back 18 years to a time when I was thrown into the chaos that was my parents very messy, very public, divorce. I remember being furious at the judgement flying around. I recounted the headlines, the accusations and all of the nastiness from so called Christians. Within moments I was once again in the midst of one of the most tumultuous times in my life.

Wounds I thought had long since healed, suddenly begin to ache. Instead of a band-aid, I need a tourniquet. Pain that I have learned to disregard from years of unanswered questions now surfaces and I am left mentally struggling like a drowning person fighting the current.

I am no stranger to secrets. Secrets of my own as well as those of others that were never mine to keep. I have lived a life wrought with guilt and shame. I have stuffed mental and emotional closets full of regret until the door would barely close.

The problem with this type of coping is that one day, everything comes pouring out. And not gently, but rather forcefully. There is no way to prepare for when this happens.

The beautiful part about the sudden onslaught of contained darkness is that it forces you to sift through the wreckage. There is almost always one of two outcomes. Either the pain is too great and denial so deceiving that one is not able to rise above their circumstantial feelings or healing is found through a journey of painstakingly, rigorous honesty.

For someone who lived a life of secrecy, it is no simple matter to turn from the familiar and embrace the unknown. However, one reaches the point where the silence becomes deafening as it screams truth.

I began sifting through the wreckage ten years ago and here is what I have learned…

There comes a time when I must stop hoping for a better past, accept what is, make amends where possible, and live in the present, continuing to move forward.

Right here, right now, I release the sins of my father and the sin of anyone else (for that matter) that has been projected onto me, either by force or choice. They have no power over me, nor my children, nor my children’s children.

I am not beyond the reach of grace. When the voice of doubt shouts at me, I will turn my ears to the whispers of truth.

Today, I know better. And because I know better, I do better.

A Father’s Love

Posted on May 1, 2012 by Joy

Today, like every day recently, Elliot has consumed my heart and mind. I do not want to say too much as I want the majority of this post to be the journal entry from her dad below.

The following is taken from her CaringBridge site shortly after she was diagnosed. It is so beautiful. Her father’s words are so sincere as he speaks of Elliot’s determination from the time she was a little girl and her unwavering faith as she has grown into the woman she is today.

I hope this finds you where ever you are and leaves you encouraged.

“Dearest Elliot,

What a precious time with our family and Chris’s family in Montgomery yesterday and today.

As we put Bradford to bed tonight, its amazing how fast 33 years pass by and we remember the 352 days as you were three, we tucked you in, read to you, prayed with you, and slept with you some special nights when you needed that extra bit of reassurance.

All this afternoon and tonight in my spirit I hear the word ‘hope’ in my head and my heart – Look at the top of your CaringBridge site. Look at the logo of MD Anderson, and more importantly the Bible (God’s speech to men) and the word HOPE THOU IN GOD is everywhere. Job 13:15, Psalm 39:7, Psalm 42:5, Proverbs 10:28, Proverbs 13:12, Lamentations 3:21, Matthew 12:21, Romans 12:12, Romans 15:13, 1 Cor.13:13, Eph. 1:18, Col.1:27, Heb.10:23, 1 Peter 1:3, 1 Peter 1:21.

Take all the many scriptures on promises of healing in God’s Word, and visualize yourself as healed.

We pray without ceasing and with thanksgiving the regimen MDA has put into motion beginning Monday is being used of God to arrest and eradicate all cancer cells, that side effects will be minimum and next to nothing, and with each scan and test we will see the power of the the Almighty God working in your physical body, your mind, your heart and your emotions as you continue to live before a watching world what it means to love the Lord your God with all your heart, mind and soul – which is the greatest commandment given by our Lord.

Before David, who expressed every human emotion in the Psalms,ever started praying to God in verse 7-12 of Psalm 27, he expressed his confidence in God FIRST, in verses 1-6 ending with the phrase (ESV), “I will sing and make melody to the Lord.” Then he poured His heart out to God, and then in verse 13-14, he affirms MORE CONFIDENCE IN GOD, In the final analysis, physicians treat, but God is your healer.

Still we pray for hourly strength, endurance, and peace for you and Chris, and for protection and health and grace multiplied for our grandchildren. The “I can do it, Daddy” and the strong-will traits as a youngster now serve you well, as you remember to smile, to laugh, to find pleasure even climbing the hills ahead, and resolutely move forward in hope and peace and confidence.

I am not a doctor, but I think it takes more muscles to frown than to laugh. In Proverbs we are reminded that a glad, a merry heart, does good like medicine. Remember how God has sovereignly intervened in these past weeks. He WILL continue to do so in the next months, days and hours and minutes and even seconds….step by step. You are God’s beloved, beautiful inside and outside.

One of my favorite hymns, “Dear Lord and Father of Mankind” verses 4 and 5 (the other 3 are great as well) seem fitting as this night closes – before I share it I am well aware its hard to keep up with and process the outpouring of love and support and prayers of hundreds, maybe thousands, but if you forget these words, remember they can be summarized in one phrase -“Be still and listen to what God will impart to you and Chris each day.”

verse 4. “Drop Thy still dews of quietness, till all our strivings cease; take from our souls the strain and stress, and let our ordered lives confess the beauty of Thy peace.”

verse 5.”Breathe through the heats of our desire Thy coolness and Thy balm; let sense be dumb, let flesh retire; speak through the earthquake, wind, and fire, O still small voice of calm!”

I exhort God’s prayer warriors everywhere as God may move upon their hearts to pray for your complete healing, as our family remembers and prays for the many needs of those around us – many known, most unknown. Truly we live in a fallen world, but God reigns on His throne.

Love,
Dad”

Please continue to pray for Elliot as she fights. You can follow her journey on her CaringBridge page.

Please also pray for her husband Chris, their two precious children and the many family members and friends who rally around them with faith, hope and love. Thank you.

Weekly Photo Challenge: Together

Posted on April 27, 2012 by Joy

Don’t ever underestimate the beauty of retail therapy.
After talking with a friend this morning about all of the “stuff” going on in life, we both agreed that the circumstances warranted a little retail therapy. Well…here’s what I came home with. After wearing them around the house, they were a top pick for this week’s photo challenge of “together.”

These make me feel like a badass
A force to be reckoned with
A superhero with style
Dorothy had ruby slippers…
I have spiked stilettos.

Five Minute Friday: Community

Posted on April 27, 2012 by Joy

Let’s spend our five minutes of writing today, sharing about community. Fight it, love it, hate it, hurt or healed by it, we were certainly built for it.

Set a timer and just write. Don’t worry about making it just right or not.
Go all in with your words.
Are you ready?

1. Write for 5 minutes flat – no editing, no over thinking, no backtracking
2. Link back here and invite others to join in.
3. Please visit the person who linked up before you & encourage them in their comments.

OK, are you ready? Give me your best five minutes on: Community

GO:

This topic is quite fitting today as I sit in my pj’s, wanting to close the blinds to the outside world. My last entry was about my beautiful friend, Elliot, who is fighting a deadly form of ovarian cancer.

I have been amazed by how many of us have connected through her story. Women who will never meet, all praying and coming together as a community to support and lift up our friend as she walks through the most difficult time of her life.

It instantly connects us. That’s what community does. We are all here for a common purpose and therefore all connected.

If she needs to crawl, we will crawl with her. If she walks slowly, taking many breaks along the way, we too will walk slowly, breaking frequently. If she wants to scream, we will scream with her. When she cries, we will cry with her. When she laughs, we too will laugh.

That’s what community does. We lock arms and we storm the gates of heaven with our pleas and our praise.

That’s what we do, today, as women and sisters, daughters and mothers, wives and friends. That’s what we do for each other. For you, my sweet friend, Elliot.
Please join me in praying for Elliot today as she begins a stronger form of chemo in hopes that it will combat this aggressive form of cancer.

STOP.

When the monster returns, Thy will be done

Posted on April 25, 2012 by Joy

I received a notification yesterday that my friend Elliot’s Caring Bridge site had been updated. I decided to read it after small group so that I could focus, send a response and not be hurried.

I woke up this morning with the first thing on my mind being that I had not read the update. So I quietly went down the stairs, before dawn, opened my laptop and read the latest explaining the results of a CT scan done after she spent the night in the hospital due to feeling ill for several days.

As I read the words, “the cancer is back in the liver, lungs and abdominal wall, along with an embolism in the lungs” I felt fury and rage well up from my gut.

While sitting in the dark with only the glow of my laptop, I said out loud, “Lord, are you kidding me?! WHY?!?!?!?!?!?!”

This is when Faith and Fear are companions.

I used to believe that fear and faith could not coincide, however, I was wrong. What is faith for, if not to come alongside fear and banish it?

As I write this, tears stream down my face and onto my t-shirt. The anger and fear and lack of understanding now stain my cheeks in the form of black mascara. How appropriate as I don’t feel a lot of light right now. I feel heaviness…sadness…darkness.

This is when I truly know that I understand very little about the Creator and his ways.
An example that God does not operate from a place of fairness. And aren’t we glad he doesn’t? If he did, some of us would be done for (myself included.)

I am having a really difficult time with this one. I know that it is not mine to always understand, but a little clarity would be great. I don’t think that it angers God to know how I really feel about this? He sees my heart anyway. Not much hiding going on here.

I know that he is faithful. All I have to do is look in the rear view mirror to see proof of that. However, that doesn’t make it hurt any less. And for those of you who say, “I’ll pray for her.” Don’t let those be empty words. Pray. Pray every chance you get. Pray in the bathroom stall at work, when you’re saying the blessing before a meal, when you’re sitting at your desk, as you’re browsing Facebook, driving to the grocery store…Pray without ceasing.

For those who are thinking, “Well, God has a plan.” Yes, I know that God has a plan, but that doesn’t lessen the painful reality that my friend is fighting something that wants to take her life.

So please spare me the christianese statements. I know them all by heart. In fact, don’t say anything for the sake of speaking. Just pray. Even if you have never prayed before. Start now. It’s easy. Just have a conversation. Start with, God…

When you do, picture my beautiful friend in your mind. Burn her image on your brain so that when you storm the gates of heaven with petitions for healing, you will know exactly who you are bringing before the throne of grace.

This is not another name on a “prayer chain.”
This is a beloved friend, daughter, sister, wife and mother.

I don’t know what the future holds, but in these times when my souls screams out, I am grateful that I know who holds the future. And right now, he is the only one who makes any sense at all.

Posted on April 25, 2012 by Joy

This is a previous post that has come up again in conversation. I decided to repost.

Even A Girl Like Me

JCP-4475 I vividly remember a close family friend telling me that I was disobeying God by getting a tattoo and because of its permanence, I was in a state of constant defiance. He quoted scripture (from memory, of course) to back up his point from which the core of his unsolicited advice originated. (This was after the tattoo was already there. What was I to do about it, except put on the heavy cloak of guilt placed before me?)

I was 17 years old.

I have since added several more tattoos…and piercings to my body. This one is especially meaningful to me. Screen Shot 2016-02-02 at 3.40.06 PM

For years I’ve been reading different views on this subject. It is interesting and at times crazy how defensive people can be with their written words. The ALL CAPS and number of exclamation points following the scripture references that, in their mind, confirm and validate their rightness. It leaves me…

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