The Mother is always to blame

Posted on February 12, 2013 by Joy

I listen as his small, sweet voice sounds out the words to one of his favorite books, wishing I could bottle and save it for a day much later than this, when he has grown into a man and his voice is deep and strong.

“The days are long but the years are short.” This is the epitome of that truth.

I spent the night before lying at the foot of his bed listening to his painful groans from the headache preventing his body from resting. I placed my hand on his little leg that now seems so big compared to the last time I was praying intense prayers for healing. “God, please…please lay your hand on his small frame and provide complete restoration. God, please…direct my steps to know how to properly care for him. Don’t let me miss one sign that he needs medical attention. You are the Great Physician, the Ultimate Healer. I believe you will do what you say you will do, so as I stand here with empty hands, open in reverence to you, I am thanking you for what you have already done.”

Throughout my prayer distracting thoughts are invading my mind. “What if the headache is something more? What if you don’t get to a hospital in time? What if it’s meningitis like the little boy had who passed away not long ago?” and on and on it goes.This may sound dramatic and I am a bit that.

To see such a shift in behavior from this energetic, almost 7-year-old, to this lifeless, sleepy, curled up child was shocking. Why does it take something like this to make me ask myself, “Why don’t I enjoy every moment of his energy?!” Why when my child is sick, does it make me question every motive I’ve had for the last 6 years of his life. Why does it make me feel like a horrible, neglectful mother?

This night, he is a little better. The fever has now set in and he shivers as the warmth from his body attempts to warm the cool sheets of his bed. I go to kiss his forehead and he says, “Mom, will you pray?”

“Yes, Darling. I just prayed. Did I miss something?”

“Will you pray for me to feel better and that Caden won’t get sick?”

I sat down on his bed and took his hand. “God, thank you. Thank you for Riley and his faith in you. Thank you for his energy and life. Thank you that he’s mine. Please heal him. Thank you for healing him. We know you are faithful to fulfill all promises made so we proclaim your goodness and thank you for his complete healing. Please keep Caden safe from sickness and pain. Father, we know all required of us is that we ask for what you will so willingly give. Thank you. You are strong and powerful God, Creator of the Universe, and yet you pause to meet us here. Thank you. We trust you. We believe you. We love you. In Jesus name, Amen.”

“I’ve never heard you pray like that before.” Ri says.
“Really?” I respond. “Is that bad or good?”
Long pause…”It’s good!…I think? I don’t know yet?” He says as he turns on his left side and pulls the covers up to his ears.

“Okay buddy. Time for sleep.”

“Okay, mom. Night. Oh, hey, mom.”

“Yes, love?”

“Do you know how come I can run so fast?”

“How?”

“When I wanna get somewhere, I run, and there’s no slow down or off switch. I only know how to go fast.”

“I can definitely see that, Ri. You are a great runner.” I say in response.

“Yeah, I am.” he says sleepily.

“Goodnight boys. I love you.”

“Goodnight, mama.” Air kisses fly back and forth across the dark room before I start down the stairs.

“The days are long, but the years are short.” This statement made by a brilliant mom of 3 has never rung more true to me. There will be no bottling up of sweet voices, only memories and those are only as accurate as my mind portrays them to be.

I want to savor these moments of childhood before I look around and they’re gone.

What do you think? Does your mind immediately go to the worst scenario when your child(ren) is sick? Do you pray more when you feel desperate? Why is that? What can we do, especially as mothers, to relinquish control on a daily, sometimes hourly basis?

Will you marry me?

Posted on October 27, 2012 by Joy

We have this adorable little girl in our lives named Aubrey. She is my close friend’s daughter. She is funny and precious, full of wonder and overflowing with character. I cannot imagine life without her.

Oh, and I should probably mention that when asking my youngest son about her, his response is, “She’s my girl.”Yesterday I asked if she could come with us to the Botanical Gardens so that Caden wouldn’t be so reluctant to go and so that I could practice photographing with a specific lens. As always, it was delightful and we had a fun time running through trails, looking at fall decor and smelling exotic flowers.

The time I will most remember is sitting around the table at lunch. The conversation that followed was priceless. I was snapping pictures as quickly as I could throughout the discussion.

“Caden, do you wanna marry me?”

(silence)

Caden continues to color. Never looking up.

Aubrey, finding this somewhat frustrating, asks a little louder and with more urgency.

“Caden! I said, do you wanna marry me?!”

Still looking at his artwork, he says, “Yeah.”
“When you’re married you can kiss whenever you want.” exclaims Aubrey.

Caden responds, “I’m gonna kiss you now.”

“Okay. Come kiss me then. The boy’s pose to ask the girl.”

Caden sends an air kiss and sits back down.Moments pass before Aubrey speaks up.

“Do you love me Caden?”

“I love you forever.” he replies. (Still coloring)

“Where do you wanna get married Caden?”

“At the Botanical Gardens.” he says.

“Do you wanna have a band?” she asks.

“Uh-huh.”

“My dress is gonna be made out of flowers!” she announces.

“That’ll be pretty.” he replies.

“Do we want to get married during the day or at night?” she asks.

He thinks for a minute…”At night. And we’ll have hotdogs, toasted cheese, brownies and pizza to eat.”

“Cake and ice cream later.” she adds.

“Okay! It’s settled!” she proclaims.

“Should I tell my mom?”
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Life…with a side of childlike perspective (joycannis.wordpress.com)

Sunday Post: People

Posted on September 23, 2012 by Joy

Children are people too… just smaller

“People are often unreasonable and self-centered.
Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of ulterior motives.
Be kind anyway.
If you are honest, people may cheat you.
Be honest anyway.
If you find happiness, people may be jealous.
Be happy anyway.
The good you do today may be forgotten tomorrow.
Do good anyway.
Give the world the best you have and it may never be enough.
Give your best anyway.
For you see, in the end, it is between you and God.
It was never between you and them anyway.”
~Mother Teresa~

I think children have a much greater concept of this beautiful reading from Mother Teresa. I learn so much from the many children who I am blessed to have in my life.

Are you thinking about a great illustration for Jake’s challenge this week?
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Just like that, a Mother is born

Posted on September 16, 2012 by Joy

“The moment a child is born, the mother is also born.
She never existed before.
The woman existed, but the mother, never.
A mother is something absolutely new.”
~Rajneesh

I remember that moment when the first cries were heard and the rush of tasks began to care for a newly born baby. The room seemed to spin around the delivery table where I was still lying. Life would never be the same.

The part one might not know about “giving birth” more than once is that the experience is never like that of the other. I went in feeling as if I had never done it before with each of my children. It’s the strangest and most wonderful thing.

We then take the baby home and do the best we can with what we have to 1. Keep them alive 2. Shower more than once a week and 3. Resemble some semblance of sanity.

As they begin to grow we encourage them to start talking by sounding out words and making ridiculous faces. We motivate them to walk by dangling things just beyond their reach. We urge them to hold a spoon in their chubby little hand and feed themselves, all the while entertained by the fact that more of it is on their face and the surrounding area than in their mouth.

And then the day comes, I can’t tell you exactly when, we start shhh-ing them and telling them to “be still.” We scold them for smacking, avoiding their napkin and dropping food on the floor while not “leaning over their plate.” Weird, right?

Maybe not? If you think about it, it’s just how life evolves. In recovery we compare many of our milestones to that of a child. And we celebrate when we reach them as if celebrating a child’s firsts. It’s crucial for our continued momentum.

Today, Andy Stanley is wrapping up a series called Future Family. I have to be honest, I’m rather sad about it. Each week I have walked away with something applicable that I could start doing. Each week at the close of his message I have desired to be a better wife and mother. Each week I have gained knowledge that I will pass on to my children and hopefully their children. Do you know how huge that is?!

For this girl, who was a mother before I had even figured out how to solely take care of myself and who has made more mistakes than I care to mention, to have someone come alongside me and “teach” instead of condemning me is HUGE.

I’m the girl who learns by trial and error so to find something that works without making a lot of messes beforehand is invaluable to me.

Being a mother is hard. It’s wonderful too, but let’s be honest, that perspective usually comes (especially in the early years) when our little one is sleeping. I depend far too heavily on caffeine most days. Not a day goes by that I don’t have to ask one or more of my children to “please forgive me.” I raise my voice too much, I loathe dusting, I don’t “play” enough, at times I feed my children cereal for dinner, I am completely unorganized and I am incredibly selfish. BUT, if you ask my children if I love them, they would say “Yes.” If you ask them if they know who God is, they would say “Yes.” If you ask them if their mommy and daddy love each other, they would say “Yes.” Those three truths are of the utmost importance to me.

So when I have a conversation with my 14-year-old about some really hard “stuff” that I, personally do not think she should have to worry about yet and I hang up the phone feeling like I know nothing at all. I can ask myself, “Does she know that I love her?” Yes. “Does she know that I want what’s best for her?” Yes. “Does she have her own personal relationship with the God of her understanding?” Yes. “Does He have a plan and a purpose for her life?” Yes.

I don’t know why this topic is on the forefront of my mind? If for no other reason, maybe it’s to encourage you, as a parent, to cut yourself some slack. If you’re a total slacker, maybe it’s to tell you to step it up. What I know for sure is that, my children are a gift and that it’s okay that it’s difficult.

Sandra Stanley said something in the message last week (when accompanying Andy on stage) that I will never forget as it refreshed my perspective on parenting. She said, “The days feel long but the years are short.” Realizing that for me, right now, there is no job on earth more important than being a parent is the mother in me being born and coming to life.

What do you think? Do you love every aspect of being a mother/parent? Is it as difficult for you at times as it is for me?

Looking for great parenting material?
Check these mamas out…
Courtney Defeo blogs at Lil Light O’ Mine She uses truth and humor, grace and love, to navigate her way through motherhood. Check out her site, but be prepared to spend some time as you will keep finding material that you love!

Leanne Penny blogs at Leanne Penny She shares her experience, strength and hope to find joy in the journey. She has an incredible story and you will be better after reading her heart.

Lisa~Jo Baker blogs at The Gypsy Mama She has an extraordinary amount of wisdom that pours out on every page. Her life is not perfect, but she has a unique way of turning trials into triumphs.

Who is God?

Posted on September 13, 2012 by Joy

This is the question that my 4-year-old asked on our way home from work today.

There’s nothing like that kind of question to make one realize that they don’t really know the answer.

The question that followed was of equal significance, “Does God love us?”

I have thought many times that I know who God is. Turns out I’m still learning and will hopefully continue discovering for eternity. The answer to the second question is one that I know for certain. Even when chaos abounds and sorrow seems to triumph, “Yes! God loves us!”

Several hours later, I followed the boys upstairs to put them to bed and the conversation picked right back up. “Will there be animals in heaven?” “Are there rules in heaven?” “Is everything gold in heaven?” “Can we buy a Nintendo DS in heaven?” “Do we exercise in heaven?” “Is Jesus in heaven?” “Will I be my same age in heaven?” “What if someone really old dies? How old is too old to be in heaven?”

As the questions came at me, I had to smile. In part because I didn’t know the answers to all of their questions and partly because I love that they are thinking about these things.

Eventually the more difficult questions came. Those that I too wrestle with in the dark when my thoughts are my only companion.

“Mommy, what about your friend who was real sick and died.” said my 4-year-old. “Is she still sick in heaven?”

“No Darling, she isn’t. Elliot is perfectly healed and complete now.” I responded.

“How do you know?” asked my 6-year-old.

(Gulp) Well…I know because…well…because…I believe.

“Mommy. I know a baby in heaven.” said my 4-year-old.

“Which baby do you know in heaven?” I asked.

“Baby Hallie, from Miss Katie.” he responded.

It took me a moment to regain my composure. Katie and I were just talking about Hallie earlier today and what those days were like for her in the midst of uncertainty. It was a miracle that Hallie was born and the fact that she lived several days after was a gift.

“Will there be babies in heaven?” he then asked.

“Yes. I think there will be babies in heaven.” I said.

My 6-year-old chimed in, “If you die, who will be our mommy?”

Thankfully my 4-year-old was too curious to wait for my answer and launched into a new set of “Will ________ be in heaven?”

I continued answering as best I could until finally my 4-year-old said, “Can you sing now? I’m ready to go to sleep.”

I walked away feeling ill-equipped to have these conversations. If anything I caused more questions than I had answers.

I have experienced various seasons in my faith. One thing has held true. If ever there was separation, I was the instigator. If ever there was doubt, I was the first to question. Even now when trying to grasp an understanding of something so big and so far from my ability to comprehend, I find myself thinking, “Is what I believe really true?” If I think too hard or analyze too much, it does seem like the fairytale to rival all fairy-tales. Thankfully I am always snapped back into a realm compatible with my understanding. Jesus.

He was a man. Born a baby. He was grace, truth and incomprehensible love, in the flesh. He chose me. How can I not believe? When it all seems too farfetched and I begin to doubt, I turn my eyes back to Jesus. The tangible God. Is that wrong to say?

Whether one believes in Christ or not, history tells the story of Jesus. So here I sit. In a place where Jesus and faith collide and merge into one big question that my inquisitive little boys want to uncover and dissect. I will answer them the best I can and I will always point them back to Jesus.

I don’t think that God is one to be understood. Why would I want a God who is intelligible by the finite brain? I enjoy the mystery always unfolding. The twists and turns are what make this life interesting. I love viewing life and God through the eyes of a child who has yet to be influenced by the unsolicited feedback of inconsequential onlookers. Not only does it seem clearer, but the answers are not stressful. There is no argument or hostility. When they had talked enough, my little one spoke up and said he was ready to go to sleep.

I want to be more like that.

Dare I ask what your thoughts are on this? Should I open myself up to the obvious ridicule of possible responses? I think yes. Why not?

The Hands, Feet and Faces of Hope

Posted on September 10, 2012 by Joy

Never underestimate the power of hope. The potential that it gives the helpless, the change in perspective that it gives the skeptic, the restoration it provides for the lost.

Hope does not come dressed in riches, it comes dressed in willingness to use what one has, to do what one can.

There is hope. It has a face and a name. It has breath and a heartbeat. It has a future because someone like you said, “Why not me? Why not now?”
So today I ask you, “What are you waiting for?”Yesterday’s post was an introduction into the world of a mother and a husband who had a vision, made a plan, asked for help and are changing lives for eternity. Asher will be giving birth in October to her and Drü’s third child and a few short months after, they will move their family of five to Africa. Can you even imagine?! I can’t. I wouldn’t. But they can and they are. “Why?” is what you may be asking. It’s what I wanted to know. So I asked.

Q: At what moment did you realize that God was calling you to move to Africa? Was it a moment of terror, excitement or a little bit of both?
A: “It was a growth process and not a sudden “ah-ha!” moment. After visiting several times a year, we realized that with coming and going we could only monitor the growth and success of Sole Hope so far. We knew we needed someone on the ground there who knew the vision of Sole Hope, who we trusted and who was like-minded. We started looking for people to move to Africa to really run our program, especially the first few foundational years.

As no one was rising to the plate to accept this low paying, unclear job in a third world country-we realized we were being called, softly, and nudged but kept ignoring it. During this time though we were able to grow our relationship as a family, gain clearer understanding of the direction of Sole Hope, and really get to know the community of people we would be going to live and work with, and more of the realities of the problem we would be facing-jiggers.

Of course this was and is scary…we are being called onto a battle ground. There will be sacrifice, suffering and trials. But we are confident that God will complete a good work in and through us with only His power. There is also excitement as we do love Africa, and this is a new adventure like none we have ever taken before as a family!”

Q: Asher, will you deliver your third child in the states? Are you apprehensive about taking a newborn to a third world country? How are your kiddos handling all of the change?
A: “I will deliver our third child in October in the States, and we will move in January. Of course it makes me nervous to take any of my children to a third-world country, but perfect love casts out fear, and I have to hand that over daily to the Lord. We feel this is where he is calling us, so we need to be faithful. It is a good test of faith when you get your children involved. Our two oldest are handling this transition very differently. The oldest is excited, and a bit apprehensive, and the youngest really would be just fine with staying in Asheville the rest of his life.”

Q: What is your biggest area of need right now? How can we help?
A: “We always need people to keep our family and Sole Hope in their prayers! We don’t take that lightly and are so grateful when people commit to pray for us. Our family raises our own support, just like a missionary would to live and work in Africa. We need people who will come along side our family and support us financially.”

Q: What sets you apart from other organizations ministering in Africa?
A: “We don’t have a tract we hand out, or a church we are affiliated with. We do however have many believers that hold us accountable and check in with us regularly. We are Christians who take very seriously listening to the Lord and following his call on our life. We believe Sole Hope was something the Lord laid on my heart (Asher). We start sharing the Lord by building relationships and letting people get to know us and why we are doing this [Sole Hope].”

Q: Have you set a timeline for how long you will stay?
A: “We know we will be there at least a year.”

Q: How can we keep up with you while you are there?
A: “Check the Sole Hope blog regularly!”

Q: If there was one thing on your “Dreaming BIG” list that you would like to see happen, what would it be?
A: “To eradicate jiggers from an entire village/slum area in a sustainable way.”

Q: Can others bring teams over to help with your mission?
A: “YES! We will have 5 planned trips during 2013 and we are open to organizing small group trips throughout the year as well.”

Q: Will there be a mailing address where we can send fun packages to you and the kiddos? 🙂
A: “We would LOVE that! We will need to get you an address. For right now packages and letters can go to our office in Asheville and be brought with the next team.”
Sole Hope
P.O. Box 1492,
Asheville, NC 28802
or
Sole Hope
2 Wall St. Ste. 114
Asheville, NC 28801

Did I miss anything? Are you as moved as I was by the courage of this little family with big faith? Want to ask them more questions, comment on their work or encourage them on their journey? Leave a comment here or contact them directly. You won’t regret immersing yourself in this cause with these people. No matter the depth of involvement. It all matters.Will you commit to telling at least two people about Sole Hope? I’m going to make it easy for you. Here is a downloadable PDF Sole Hope Reference Card that will attach perfectly to email or print. So tell me, “What are you waiting for? Now is the right time.”

*all media was taken from the Sole Hope Facebook page. Go check it out. And while you’re there, click the “Like” button.
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What does Hope look like? (joycannis.wordpress.com)

What does Hope look like?

Posted on September 9, 2012 by Joy

I am so excited to be sharing this story with my readers. It is one that has been on my heart since I first discovered it.

Many of you have heard of Sole Hope. For those of you who haven’t, I would like to introduce them to you today.

This is not a ploy to get your money. It is a conversation starter to make you aware of what is happening, maybe not in our country, but in our world. It is to shed light on something happening to little ones who cannot help themselves. It is in hopes that you will tell others and share what Hope looks like in the form of human beings dedicating their lives to eradicate a seemingly insurmountable problem.
The following video contains graphic images that may be disturbing to some. Please use discretion when viewing and allowing young children to view.

The first time I saw this video it made me want to know more. I had never even heard of jiggers. I read everything I could on the Sole Hope website and blog. I have to be completely honest, I became physically sick while reading and watching what these children are enduring day in and day out because they lack something that I ~~often~~ always take for granted. Shoes.

Asher, as a wife and mother of two (with a third on the way), decided she couldn’t wait for “someone else” to step in. She had to take action. That is how Sole Hope was born. One woman who had a choice either to ignore what she had seen or follow a calling to be a world changer.

I know for me personally, I don’t realize what my feet, or any part of my body for that matter, does until I can’t use it. Many of the children with jiggers in their feet are completely immobilized and confined to their home. Many don’t have parents or caregivers. Many will die.

This is a precious one whose foot is infested with jiggers. Gross right?! I beg you not to look away. This is about the size of one of my children’s feet. If this was my child, it never would have gotten to this point. I would have taken him to the pediatrician long before it was this bad. They do not have that option.

Now rewind. What if this child was wearing shoes. Not the latest athletic shoe, just enough of a shoe to act as a barrier between them and this parasite? What if this preventable affliction was expunged completely? What if you were part of that? What if you didn’t dismiss it with the thought, “Someone else will do it.” or “I already have my charities mapped out for the year.” Please hear me when I say that this is about so much more than money.

Of course they need financial support, but there are also many other ways that you can step in and make a difference in a huge way.

One way is by being a Sole Hope Ambassador in your area. Sole Hope Ambassadors are people who are pumped about Sole Hope and want to help spread awareness in their own community. This is a volunteer opportunity with perks. If you are interested and want more information click here.

Another way is by featuring these adorable shoes in your store, online, or by purchasing them for the favorite little ones in your life. When people ask you what they are (and they will), be ready to tell them.

You can also host a shoe cutting party. For more information, email Info@solehope.com or call 855.516.4673.

I know this is a lot of information. In an effort to allow you time to process what you have read and seen, we will continue the discussion tomorrow with a Q&A from myself, Asher and Drü. I asked the questions I most wanted to know and thought that you too would want to know. Questions like, “What sets you a part from every other organization with a heart for Africa?”

Make sure you come back tomorrow for the rest of the story and a downloadable PDF with useful information.