Tag Archives: Marriage

For the Father of my Children: A Prayer

Posted on by
7

God, I approach the throne of grace filled with gratitude and thanksgiving.
When I think of what you have made from my ruin, I am overwhelmed in the best sense of the word.

Please hear my prayer before you now. May it rise up and be pleasing to your ears.
Thank you for blessing me with a strong man. Not only physically, but mentally and spiritually as well.

Thank you for his hands that provide, his heart that loves and his faithfulness of soul.

God, I want to be the woman who exceeds his expectations, compliments his nature and provides a sanctuary for him to return home to after a long day’s work.
Whenever my name is on his lips, may it be sweet like honey and evoke peace of mind.
I cannot do this without your help. I have tried. I am so ill-equipped, Lord. I am selfish and self serving. My ways are not your ways and left to my own devices, I will fail.

Please place your hand in this marriage.
In our coming and going.
In our conversation.
In every interaction.
Take captive every thought, every gesture, every action and be glorified through it.

Command my words. Remove my breath before I speak anything other than admiration for listening ears to hear. I release my inadequacies from having any power over my ability to show love for this man.

Prevent any and all resentment, bitterness, anger, unforgiving or hurtful thing from welling up inside of me with the potential to harm. I know that these things are not from you. They originate and feed in darkness. Shine your light brightly into every crevice of my being. Expel any and all wrongful accusations and doubts.

Graciously remind me that this man has fought for me in every way possible and would give his very life to protect me. May I treat him as the Champion that he is, building him up and removing any doubt of my loyalty, respect and deep appreciation for the man that he is.

The strength, passion and love that he bestows is, at times, difficult for me to accept. Strip me of insecurities and may I never take the rarity of his devotion for granted.

Open my eyes to the things I am missing.
Help me listen more and speak less.
Remove any toxic tendencies that would cause me to blame him for self inflicted wounds or those projected onto me by others.

Provide the words when needed to disagree.
May they be respectful and from a place of kindness and love.

God, I am not perfect, nor is he.
We are, however, perfect for each other.
May our love, friendship, family, parenting, faith and work, echo your promises and reflect your grace.

Thank you for these children who have been entrusted to us.
May we parent in such a way that they never question our love for you, our love for each other and our love for them.
May there be more beauty than pain,
more happiness than sorrow,
more thanksgiving than complaining,
more prayer than worry,
more fond memories than remorse,
more love than not.

You are faithful. You are lovely. You are holy.
May all the praise, honor and glory be yours in our fleeting time on this earth and continue throughout eternity with you, Jesus.

In your name I pray all of these things.
Amen

Single Mamas

Posted on by
4

When the thought came to me that I needed to write about this sensitive and often misunderstood topic, I dismissed it as something that someone else would do much better than I.

I wonder if God grows weary of me trying to talk Him out of things that He makes abundantly clear are part of His will for my life?

Reluctantly I sit down before you, feeling very inept in my attempts to speak about such a fragile thing. At the same time, my heart is heavy and I know that once I listen and follow through with what I feel I am being led to do, the burden will be lifted and hopefully someone will be encouraged.

I know that there are many fathers out there holding everything together with their kiddos. I’m not going to talk about them. Reason being, I’ve never been a single dad. I have, however, been a single mom. I can speak from experience and hopefully share strength and hope as well.

Recently there have been a slew of things flooding my mind, but few reach my heart. The other day I was talking with a friend who asked if I would be willing to meet with an acquaintance of hers who was going through a difficult time. Without thinking or praying about it, I quickly said, “Sure!” (side not: that’s never a wise thing for me to do. Answer quickly. It usually means that my motives are selfish.)

This beautiful, young woman and I met for coffee. As I listened to her story unfold I began realizing that I had completely abandoned a part of my life that was a significant part of who I am.

I watched her eyes fill with tears though she would not allow herself to cry. I listened, I watched and I remembered. Suddenly I was taken back to a time in my life that was more difficult than I even realized at the time.

Some people choose it. Others are left. I chose it.

This woman had chosen it as well. Without telling you details of her story, without needing to, I can tell you that she’s in for a difficult road in her immediate future.

This got me thinking…now that I’m happily married to someone I adore and I have a beautiful family, does that exempt me from walking beside someone who is in the midst of the wreckage?

No. If anything it equips me to provide encouragement and a safe place away from the attorneys and bill collectors, accusers and mockers. I know first hand that she is misunderstood, judged, ridiculed and rejected by former friends and family. I know that she is scared. Fearful of not being able to pay the bills, of ever getting sick, of losing her low income housing. There is so much fear and doubt and uncertainty.

Have you ever been in that place of not really knowing from day to day what your life will look like? Do you know any single moms? Many of them have residence in that place of relentless uncertainty.

With Father’s day upon us, please be mindful of your words and intentions when speaking. Especially to children. There are some moms out there who are making it happen in both roles. Please don’t make assumptions or judgements.

If you’re a parent, you know how difficult it is raising human beings that will hopefully be productive members of society. There are days when I wonder what I would do if I couldn’t say to Chris, “Tag, You’re it!” so that I can have a few moments of sanity.

Being a parent is one of the most difficult jobs in the world. We are pulled in so many directions. When you have more than one child it can be stressful even with two of you trying to make all of the school functions, sporting events, dinners around the table as a family and quality time investing in the relationship and future of your child(ren).

Imagine trying to do all of those things by yourself. Raising children alone can be one of the most isolating things out there. It’s difficult to explain, except to say that it’s not what you think…she’s not who you think she is…things are not as they appear to be.

May I encourage you to do something extraordinary? If you know a single mom and you want to help, offer to keep her kids (at no charge) while she runs errands or takes a shower and blow drys her hair or takes a walk. Send her a handwritten note of encouragement. Offer to take her grocery list, go shopping for her and deliver her groceries. Let her know by your actions that she’s not alone.

It’s not enough to say, “What can I do?”
There are so many things. It’s difficult to know where to start. The question will usually elicit one of two responses; “Oh, nothing, I’m fine.” or “Just pray.”
We must take the initiative.

I challenge you to make an effort this week to positively impact the life of a single mom in your community. And after you do, I want to know about it so that I can thank you.

Are you a single mom? What are your top three worries, struggles, concerns? What would be the biggest help to you from an outsider? Please leave a comment below or if you would rather remain anonymous, you can email me at the address found here.

Thank You~Gracias~Grazie~Danke~Arigato

Posted on by
8

I want to take this opportunity to say, “Thank you.”
Sincerely, from the depths of my heart.
I am so grateful for each of you reading this.
The fact that you would take a break from your busy life to read what I have written is not only humbling, but motivating and encouraging.

Thank you for allowing me to process the shock, pain, anger, regret and all of the other emotions that I have written through over the last 10 months.
As you know this journey with Elliot has changed me. In a good way.
She has changed me and will continue to.

I know the posts have been deep and sometimes dark, but I could not have experienced the peace that I have had were it not for those of you who are reading, sharing, commenting and praying.

I will continue to write about my beautiful friend. How can I not?
However, I will also get back to posting on life in general.
I will try to center most everything around experience, strength and hope.

Thank you…for embarking on this pilgrimage with me.
It is often bumpy and at times I cannot see much further than my own face, but it is worth it. You are worth it…I am worth it.

If only we could see more than a fraction of our worth.
Our fear would dissolve in the truth of our potential.
We were born with a great purpose in mind. Each one of us.
We are being groomed for greatness.

On the days when you feel anything but great (and those days will come), if you remember nothing else, remember, you have been given this gift of life. With this gift comes the freedom of choice, the blessing of opportunities, the realness of humanity. I don’t care what you’ve done, what you’re doing or what you will do, nothing on this earth has the power to strip you of your potential.

Eleanor Roosevelt said it best, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” Friend, You were born to be blessed. Don’t allow anyone or anything to tell you different.

Love and Light,

Saying goodbye

Posted on by
27

“Jesus has overcome and the grave is overwhelmed. Victory is won, he has risen from the dead and I will rise when he calls my name, no more sorrow, no more pain, I will rise…” ~Chris Tomlin

Thank you to all of you who have prayed fervently over the last 9 months for Elliot. Many of you have never met her, but have been so strongly impacted by her testimony that your heart is broken with the news of her passing. So I feel like I owe you this post. There is so much to tell you, it will be difficult to give the experience justice, but I will try my best.

Thursday, May 31, Elliot’s body was laid to rest. Many of us gathered around the graveside and listened as the pastor spoke of her courage, the light that she is and her unwavering faith in a God she could not see. He read from Psalm 91, Elliot’s favorite passage.

Chris had encouraged anyone who wanted to bring their children to do so as his children would be involved in the services. I couldn’t help but smile when after the service, little ones ran playfully around the headstones, tracing the letters of the last names with their small fingers. They were completely unaware that this was a place where people came to mourn.

It reminded me of the passage in Matthew 18 “…Whoever becomes simple and elemental again, like this child, will rank high in God’s kingdom. What’s more, when you receive the childlike on my account, it’s the same as receiving me.”

One of the roses from Elliot’s casket

Before leaving the site, Chris asked Wyatt (6) and Bradford (4) if they would like to say one more prayer for mommy. The three of them went over, placing one hand on the casket, and one hand in their daddy’s hand, they said a prayer. While Chris was praying, Bradford rested her head against the side of her mother’s coffin. It was such a touching moment, innocent and sweet.

There was no more stopping the tears for me at this point. They flooded my eyes and I didn’t fight them any longer.

There was a small window of time between the graveside service and the service of celebration. I cleaned my face and thought, “Okay! Good. I’m done crying. I’ve cried so much. No more tears.”

I arrived at the service an hour early and there were already a good many people there. Everyone who had been to the visitation the night before was still buzzing with comments about how many people had been there. One guesstimate was 1,000 people, while another was 700. They spoke of how the family stayed until the last person came through the line.

Elliot’s mom, Beverly had posted the following on facebook after such an incredible turnout; “My Dear Precious Child, I saw tonight how very loved and respected you are in this community and beyond. You have set the bar so high for all of us, and I pray I can point people to God and Christ as you have so boldly done in your short life with us here. I WILL see you again!! In that thought I have peace and can rest tonight. Love, Mom”

It was time for the service to start. The pastor had made multiple pleas from the front for everyone to scoot in to make room for others. People filled the small sanctuary, including the choir section and spilled out into the hallways and overflow chapel where the service was streaming live.

Several people got up to speak. To detail each would take thousands of words and more time than you have here. I would, however, like to highlight several things that were said.

Elisabeth, Elliot’s best friend, recalled when she got the call that the pathology report showed cancer, she went over to Elliot’s house and laid down beside her. Elliot looked at her and said, “I told you God was preparing me for something big! I wonder what all He’s going to do through this?”

As the pastor asked everyone, I too have to ask myself, “How willing am I? Am I willing to be that prepared? Am I willing to do what she did, surrendering everything and telling God that no matter what His will, I am ready and willing to carry it out with my life?” Honestly… I hesitate to answer.What about you?

Ed Patterson, Elliot’s father got up to speak a few words about his daughter. He introduced himself as her father and then explained so eloquently how Elliot knew that the most important relationship one can have is with their heavenly father. He spoke about Elliot’s unwavering faith through all of this and that her very name in Hebrew means; The Lord is my God. She embodied and lived out the meaning of her name. He stated what I was feeling, which was, “You hate cancer. So do we. So did Elliot. But it was clear while she was sick that she was continually asking, ‘How can cancer glorify God?’” He then assured us that Elliot’s wish would be that each of us leave there thinking more of Jesus than of her. (He read from several beautiful works that I have referenced at the bottom of this post if you would like to read them.)

The tears ran down my face and I knew that they would not soon stop.

We stood to sing another hymn. I did not even open my hymnal as I knew the words would not come out. I glanced over several rows at little Bradford. As she settled into her daddy’s arms and lay her head on his shoulder we sang, “All I have needed Thy hand hath provided. Great is Thy faithfulness…” She was asleep. What a perfect depiction of childlike faith. The kind that God desires for us. In the midst of uncertainty we rest safely in our Father’s arms.

Chris had said outside Elliot’s hospital room, “Not only did she help unbelievers believe, She helped believers believe more.“ Truer words were never spoken.

I’m not sad for Elliot. How could I be? She is in the presence of the Savior. Her faith has become sight. There is no more pain. No more struggle. No more fear. No more death. She won. She is the victor now. She conquered. We are the ones left to grieve and to envy.

To echo something Elisabeth said, “Not everybody gets an Elliot.” She’s right. I’m so blessed to have known her. She has left quite a legacy. Her light is bright and vast. Imagine what it will be when we continue to carry and share that light with others. My goal is for her children, as they grow up, while in conversation with someone they don’t even know, to discover that their mother changed the world.

When my 4 yr old saw this picture of the sky behind me on the way home from the services, he said, “Mommy, that’s Heaven.” I agreed.

Maybe someone you know needs to hear what Elliot was quoted as saying in 2010, “When you are so beaten down that all you can do is lift your hand and say. ‘Help!’ He will. I promise.
Don’t put God in a box ’cause he’s not going to fit.
Don’t tell God how big your storm is. Tell your storm how big your God is.”
~Elliot Patterson Williams 1975-2012

Readings by Elliot’s dad, Ed:
“Though devils all the world should fill, all eager to devour us. We tremble not, we fear no ill, they shall not overpower us.
This world’s prince may still scowl fierce as he will,
He can harm us none, he’s judged; the deed is done;
One little word can fell him. The Word they still shall let remain nor any thanks have for it;
He’s by our side upon the plain with His good gifts and Spirit.
And take they our life, goods, fame, child and wife,
Let these all be gone, they yet have nothing won; The kingdom ours remaineth.” ~Martin Luther 1529 “A Mighty Fortress is our God”

1. What is your only comfort in life and in death?
That I, with body and soul, both in life and in death,1 am not my own,2 but belong to my faithful Savior Jesus Christ,3 who with His precious blood4 has fully satisfied for all my sins,5 and redeemed me from all the power of the devil;6 and so preserves me7 that without the will of my Father in heaven not a hair can fall from my head;8 indeed, that all things must work together for my salvation.9 Wherefore, by His Holy Spirit, He also assures me of eternal life,10 and makes me heartily willing and ready from now on to live unto Him.11
[1] Rom. 14:7–8. [2] 1 Cor. 6:19. [3] 1 Cor. 3:23. [4] 1 Pet. 1:18–19. [5] 1 Jn. 1:7; 2:2. [6] 1 Jn. 3:8. [7] Jn. 6:39. [8] Matt. 10:29–30; Lk. 21:18. [9] Rom. 8:28. [10] 2 Cor. 1:21–22; Eph. 1:13–14; Rom. 8:16. [11] Rom. 8:1. ~The Heidelberg Catechism, Lord’s Day 1

“I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth.” ~3 John 1:4

Related Posts:
A Tribute to Elliot
When Cancer is no longer a Stranger
In the midst of the storm
A Father’s Love
When the monster returns, Thy will be done 

Five Minute Friday: Opportunity

Posted on by
9

Today I’m joining in the five minute Friday conversation through the Gypsy Mama.  I have five minutes to write, start to finish on a selected topic.

“We write because we love words and the relief it is to just write them without worrying if they’re just right or not. So we take five minutes on Friday and write like we used to run when we were kids.

GO

I’ve heard it said, many times, that “Opportunity knocks.”
Maybe for some, but for me, most of the time, it kicks down the door.

I’m not talking about incredible, money making opportunities or things of that sort. I’m referring to the everyday opportunities that I do not always notice. The kind of opportunities that happen all around me as I’m living life.

When I’m on my computer and my child comes and sits next to me asking, “Will you read this book to me?” That is an opportunity to engage and be fully present with my child. Sadly, I do not always take it, but when I do, I don’t ever regret it.

When I’m in a hurry to get somewhere and cannot be bothered by traffic lights or people and inevitably there is someone moving slower than I would like them to be in the crosswalk. What a beautiful opportunity to, slow down, take a breath, maybe even lift a hand in a friendly wave while smiling and thank God that I have a car to drive and am capable of doing so many things that bring me happiness.

When a friend stops me in the store with an obvious burden that needs to be heard and I am in a hurry to get in and get out. I can stop what I’m doing and listen. I can be genuine and kind without being there for an hour. This is a great opportunity to show through my actions how important relationships are.

When someone lets me go ahead of them and the long line of cars behind them in the drive-thru at Starbucks, it provides an excellent opportunity to pay for their coffee and ask the Barista to tell them, “Thank you! Happy Thursday!” (or whatever day it is.)

How many opportunities do I come across throughout my day to be generous, compassionate, attentive, forgiving, accepting, encouraging, supportive, present, loving and soothing? (just to name a few.) I don’t want to miss those.

Many opportunities are just as important for the provider as for the receiver.

STOP

Related posts by beautiful and talented bloggers:
Opportunity: Leanne Penny
You’ll Find Me in the Closet
Beautiful Things: Five Minute Friday
Uh, You Better Answer That. (Five minute Friday)
Opportunity: Always Alleluia
A constant pursuit: fmf (opportunity)
Pruning Princesses: The Opportunities we give our kids
In the Tangles: Five Minute Friday – Opportunity has a fat backside
Reading List: Five Minute Friday

Five Minute Friday: Identity

Posted on by
4

On Fridays over here a group of people who love to throw caution to the wind and just write. Just five minutes. Unscripted. Unedited. Real. Your words. This shared feast.

GO

Before reading today’s topic I was up on my soapbox talking about raw beauty. When seeing the parallel between my post and the topic I was excited.

I wish I could say that I find my identity solely in Christ. I want to. But that wouldn’t be entirely true. I’m better than I once was, but I’m not there yet.

So where do I find my identity? (Let’s name just 5)

My writing.
My relationship with my husband.
My children.
My work.
My family.

When those things fail me or make me feel less than valuable (which they inevitably will), I run back to the arms of the Father, thanking Him for being my refuge.

I want to do that even when everything is great in all of the other areas! I want to read my bible more and view it as a letter from my Savior. I want to look forward to being able to study His teachings and promises.

And though I long to be in His presence, sitting quietly while soaking up His splendor, I do not seek out the truth in His word nearly enough.

I, at times, make myself an island, hiding behind my computer screen and getting lost in online reading, writing and picture editing.

My identity has been one of confusion and change. However, more and more I see myself settling into the place of my Lord and finding great fulfillment and peace in His sovereignty.

STOP

1. Write for 5 minutes flat – no editing, no over thinking, no backtracking
2. Link back here and invite others to join in.
3. Please visit the person who linked up before you & encourage them in their comments.

The sins of the father

Posted on by
9

I have been told that the sins of the father, like some genetic curse, are passed down through generations. I’m not sure if I believe that? I have seen things that would indicate it is true and other things to disprove it’s validity. What do you think?

Do you have a father who does or did the things that you swear you’ll never do? Be careful what you think about. Wherein your focus lies, you will most certainly gravitate.

A recent conversation took me back 18 years to a time when I was thrown into the chaos that was my parents very messy, very public, divorce. I remember being furious at the judgement flying around. I recounted the headlines, the accusations and all of the nastiness from so called Christians. Within moments I was once again in the midst of one of the most tumultuous times in my life.

Wounds I thought had long since healed, suddenly begin to ache. Instead of a band-aid, I need a tourniquet. Pain that I have learned to disregard from years of unanswered questions now surfaces and I am left mentally struggling like a drowning person fighting the current.

I am no stranger to secrets. Secrets of my own as well as those of others that were never mine to keep. I have lived a life wrought with guilt and shame. I have stuffed mental and emotional closets full of regret until the door would barely close.

The problem with this type of coping is that one day, everything comes pouring out. And not gently, but rather forcefully. There is no way to prepare for when this happens.

The beautiful part about the sudden onslaught of contained darkness is that it forces you to sift through the wreckage. There is almost always one of two outcomes. Either the pain is too great and denial so deceiving that one is not able to rise above their circumstantial feelings or healing is found through a journey of painstakingly, rigorous honesty.

For someone who lived a life of secrecy, it is no simple matter to turn from the familiar and embrace the unknown. However, one reaches the point where the silence becomes deafening as it screams truth.

I began sifting through the wreckage ten years ago and here is what I have learned…

There comes a time when I must stop hoping for a better past, accept what is, make amends where possible, and live in the present, continuing to move forward.

Right here, right now, I release the sins of my father and the sin of anyone else (for that matter) that has been projected onto me, either by force or choice. They have no power over me, nor my children, nor my children’s children.

I am not beyond the reach of grace. When the voice of doubt shouts at me, I will turn my ears to the whispers of truth.

Today, I know better. And because I know better, I do better.

Related posts:
The Maze of Ministry
The Maze of Ministry – Part 2