It took me 35 years to come to terms with the inevitability of mortality.
After Elliot died, death became real…tangible.
Many things changed that morning in May.
It has been my experience that Christians are afraid to admit their fear of the unknown outside the walls of a counselor’s office and sometimes not even then can we come to terms with the truth that we have this one area of doubt in our lives where we aren’t 100% sure God will come through.
Sounds presumptuous doesn’t it?
It isn’t meant to be. It’s the way I lived my life for over 3 decades while claiming to be a “Christian.”
I am now a Christ follower, which for me, is different. It’s personal.
When I think of faith, I picture Jesus. I see Jesus instead of a steeple touching the sky. Instead of perfectly pressed black robes and intimidating marble columns. I think of Jesus…in sandals. Bearded face, dusty clothes, tousled hair. I think of Jesus.
When I think of him it’s impossible to be afraid. As soon as I take my eyes off of him, it’s impossible not to be.
Unlike the wrath of man, Jesus is the perfect balance of grace and truth.
Giving up his mortal descent to be born of a commoner, live with little and die a brutal death beside criminals. He experienced mortality to remove all of my excuses.
When the anxiety of the unknown creeps in, I must remember the Savior, who intentionally came and died as a man. He could have decided it was too difficult and called down the entire heavenly host to zap his adversaries and escort him back to paradise in a cloud of glory. But he didn’t.
Instead he chose to be misunderstood, ridiculed and put to death. He experienced the ultimate betrayal and physical pain beyond human comprehension. I can’t help but think part of the reason he walked the human path was in pursuit of me. Maybe it was to calm my heart when I don’t feel like an omnipotent God of the Universe can relate to my everyday struggle. It is then I am reminded that he too struggled with “life.” He wore human skin and felt all of the emotions I have questioned.
When I remember this truth, there is no argument. The answer is clear. Be not afraid. It adds not even a moment to my life. Be not afraid. The days, at times, seem long while the years grow ever shorter. Be not afraid. The road ahead, though wrought with uncertainty, leads to the everlasting. Be not afraid. Evil lurks, but love has won.
So
Live with intention
Love extravagantly
Be slow to speak
Quick to forgive
Eager to learn
and
Be not afraid.
Does this resonate with you? Talk to me? Why are we so afraid of what waits for us on the other side of this life?
Even A Girl Like Me 
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I think doubt always assails us at times about what will happen when we die. It can be hard at times to be all in to that which we do not totally understand. I may not understand heaven but I hope that I trust the God of heaven enough to calm those fears when I waver about death and after.
It does seem that the fear of the unknown is stronger than the fear of the known. The fear of the known is more like dreading having to go through something you know. The fear of the unknown for me is that I fear not being able to handle whatever the unknown is. I do not want to lose myself in the unknown; to be so beat up by it I cease to function in any reasonable way. The fear of losing control of myself to the unknown can be paralyzing. You are right Joy; if I do not keep my eyes on Jesus that fear of the unknown can push me towards destruction.
Hey Joy. I enjoyed reading your post….I also struggled with fear for years after a close friend died. My fear is leaving my beautiful children behind….knowing how hard and painful their lives would be without their mother….I have spoken with friends who have lost their mothers when they were young…..they carry great pain. I am confident about where I will be when my life ends…but have deep fear for my children. From me you get no answers…..just more questions::))
I completely understand the fear of leaving your children. I too struggle with that. There was a time when it was debilitating. I’m not sure why, but after watching Elliot’s children who are the same age as mine, sit through their mother’s funeral, something in me changed. For months I mourned mainly for them. One day it all changed. I can’t say why or what triggered it. All I know is that it changed.
Thank you for reading and commenting.
It’s okay not to have answers 🙂 Questions keep us searching. Be well and many blessings to you.