Backyard Bears

At times, God shows up where I least expect Him and He whispers to my heart, without words, “Joy, watch this.”

I step out onto the third story terrace and look out as a mama bear and her cubs emerge from the thick foliage into the open area of the backyard. JCP-2149She will dig and rummage for food as the two little ones tumble and climb not too far from her reach. JCP-2067I am reminded that they do not worry about what they will eat or drink. She does not store up extra for her babies. She steps out in faith (of sorts) and trusts that she will find the food needed for herself and her little ones. JCP-2139-2It is one of the most beautiful things I have ever witnessed. In a few moments of a summer afternoon, in the backyard of my sister in law’s mountain home, God shows up and in a tangible expression of love, shows me that He sees me, reminding me that I am His and He is mine.

His grace is bountiful and beauty resides among the rain-soaked, wooded mountainside, in the form of a mama bear and her two bear cubs.JCP-2144

To the Oldies, the Newbies and Those Inbetween

thank you I want to take a minute to say, “Thank you.”
To those of you who have shared my writings all over social media,
To those who have read and commented,
To those who are receiving notifications of new posts,
To those who aren’t afraid to disagree with me,
To those who I’ve never even met, but consistently send me encouragement,
To those who email me with desperate pleas for help with addiction, eating disorders or something else you know I have walked through,
To those who find community here…
It is such a privilege to share this space with you.

I love that we have comments from all over the world complimenting our stories. It’s incredible to read of the laughter and tears shed (sometimes in the same sitting) while reading posts and comments on these pages.

If you’ve been around here for any length of time, you know that I’m a egomaniac with an inferiority complex. Some days my feet never touch the ground, while other days my face never leaves the dirt. I am my own worst critic with an inner cheerleader. I fluctuate between feeling like a goddess and an ogre. I am either the happiest, most optimistic person in the room or the anxiety ridden pessimist who draws the blinds and sits in the dark.

Through all of the emotions, I have written. The one constant in my physical life has been the ability to verbally vomit when needed and find healing in the chaos. Through the journey of starting my own business, grieving the loss of someone close to me and walking into incredibly fragile situations with families I had never met, to document the last few moments of their baby’s life, I know I can come here, to this page and process.

I have been completely overwhelmed (in a good way) by the response to many of the things I write. Astounded that anything I have to say would resonate with anyone else and move them to positive action. Elated to find that I am not alone in any struggle.

I am so grateful to you for using what I know to be valuable, precious time, to be with me for a few moments. It’s a gift and one that I do not take for granted.

The days ahead are full. And though I can’t come visit with you as much as I would like, please know that I think of you, my beautiful readers, all the time. I pray for you and I thank God for you.

Thank you for investing in my story.

Love and Light,
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How to have Children without ruining your Marriage

This Man 1.) Speak the truth in love. Your spouse can’t read your mind. Honesty, spoken kindly, leads to intimacy. I am convinced of that. I have lived it.

My beautiful man2.) Create a “What I need from ___________ (insert partners name)” list. Encourage your spouse to do the same.
Keep it short and concise.
Use bullet points.
Print it out.
Place it where your significant other will see it… every day.

3.) Rest when you can. This used to really piss me off when someone who had raised children would say, “Sleep when the baby sleeps!
Seriously? You don’t understand how much I have to do while the baby’s sleeping.
Turns out she was right… When I am exhausted I am ineffective. And it is such a short season. Soon you’ll be back to the laundry, house cleaning, cooking and all of those things you thought you needed to rush back to.
Remember… Exhaustion = Ineffectiveness

4.) Ask yourself if you’re Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired. I realize this sounds hokey to many people, but it works. Grab your lipstick, eyeliner, dry erase marker, chalkboard marker… whatever will wash off and write H A L T on your mirror. Why? Because this will be hard to remember when you’re sleep deprived, so have it handy.

DSC08219Before having any discussions, before making any decisions, before making any assumptions, ask yourself if you’re hungry, angry, lonely or tired. You may be a combination of all 4. Or a bit of 2. And then be honest with your partner about what you’re feeling. There have been many times when I’m hangry (hungry and angry). When I can’t think logically before I’ve had something to eat which then calms me down. Usually chocolate…

This is the most important one. I cannot stress it enough.

5.) Have a friend, who (really) knows you and will speak truth into your heart. It is crucial. I had to learn, that my husband is not my girlfriend. There are some things I am not going to take to him to process through, because he can’t fix them and they are stemming from emotions anyway. Emotions change. That’s why we don’t ever make permanent decisions based on temporary emotions.IMG_3685

I have learned this lesson the hard way. However, I have a wonderful friend who has known me my entire life and on the days when I needed to put my boys in their car seats, drive around until they fell asleep, call her and do the ugly cry, she was invaluable.

You may not be a Jesus freak like I am, calling out to God every other minute to guide my thinking. You may not be someone who prays out loud in their car not caring that the person next to them at the stoplight thinks they’re crazy… like I do.
That’s okay.
There has to be someone you can cry out to in times of uncertainty.

I had to make sure that I had (and still have) a support system. Whether it was 1 other woman or 5, I had to build a community of women who were either in my stage of life or had been there. Who wouldn’t judge me. And who would give me sound, applicable guidance on how to journey through this season without losing my mind or suffocating my husband in his sleep.photoI’m not going to lie… Having young children was one of the most difficult things that Chris and I have ever done. We had to decide and still do, that we are on the same team. It is not you fighting your significant other. You’re not going to agree on everything. That’s a given. You must know how to say “I’m sorry” and do it quickly even if you don’t think you were wrong.IMG_4482

I had to remember that Chris is a little boy with long legs. He went from being the center of my universe to having this miniature person consuming all of my quality time, many times leaving him with left overs. He deserves the very best of me. He came first. Without him, I wouldn’t have my children.

Believe me, I know how hard it is to show affection after being pulled on all day by our little ones. Again, this season is just that, a season. Sandra Stanley described it so beautifully when she said, “The days are long, but the years are short.
Your husband will be the one there when your children no longer require your attention for their every need.

There is so much more to talk about here. Let’s make it a two-part post.

Share your thoughts in the comments of what else we should discuss that will encourage moms who are in the trenches and I will use those to build part 2 of our discussion. Men are welcome to share their experience as well.

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Finally, Pictures Of Gorgeous Women That Make You Feel Better About Yourself Instead Of Worse

Video

Grab your sister, daughter, mother, aunt, grandmother, BFF and watch this wonderful, refreshing message.

Standing on the Yellow Line

The other day I was driving down a road I have driven down everyday (at least once) for the last 5 years. I always glance to my right and say to the boys, “How many ducks can you count on the water?”

This day was no different. We all looked out the window at the pond. The fog was sitting just on top of the water’s surface. The boys debated over the number of ducks they saw as we drove on to school.

I dropped them off and instead of going the usual route home, I mixed it up a bit and went back the same way I came. (I’m wild and crazy like that sometimes.) As I drove past the same lake I was surprised by how much the view had changed in such a short time. The transformation was remarkable.

I debated pulling over and quickly realized that the photographer in me could not resist capturing this moment, freezing it in pixels and sharing it with you while shouting at the top of my lungs, “LOOK! THERE HE IS!!! HE KNOWS MY NAME! HE CARES! HE SEES ME!”

I pulled over by the baseball fields across the street. All I had on hand was my phone and I wanted to get as much of the splendor in the frame as possible. I walked to the yellow line in the road…in my bare feet, pajama pants, over-sized t-shirt and no bra. (I tell you this detail because normally it would be the one thing that would keep me from getting out of my car and stepping onto a public street during peak carpool hours.) I couldn’t help myself. I raised my phone and attempted to freeze time. (For those of you judging me for going bra-less in the carpool line, what can I say, I’m a risk taker.)

As I lowered my arms and turned to walk back to my car (that was illegally parked) I realized that traffic was stopped both ways. There were only a couple of cars on either side, and I justified my temporary traffic jam by rationalizing that my seemingly asinine behavior may be the only thing that allowed them to pause long enough to see the beauty of the sunrise. (At least they got a good laugh at the lady on the yellow line, still in the clothes she had slept in the night before, with her “camera phone”)

This is what I saw…
SunriseFriends, may I just tell you, this picture does not even begin to do the scene justice.

That’s what beauty does.
It shows up in the most ordinary places…when we’re not ready…when we don’t have make-up or heels on and all we have is the camera on our phone. For me, it shows up around the time I am wrestling with God. Around the time I am asking him to show me who he is and what I am to him. It happens when I am questioning my faith and what I know, in my soul, to be true.

I don’t know what giant you are facing in your life right now and you don’t know mine, but one thing that is true for both of us is the vastness of possibilities that come with faith in our Creator.

The same God who decided which colors he would use in the sunrise this morning hears my pleas and petitions. He accepts my praise and thanksgiving. And just when I need it most, he renews my weary mind and sets meaning to the phrase, “It is well with my soul.”

What about you? When was the last time you were captivated by astounding beauty in the everyday? Did you stop long enough to recognize, acknowledge and relish it?  

Miley and Me

Well after days of nothing but ridicule and criticism we can all agree that Miley Cyrus has received as much or more attention than her PR agents planned for. Quite honestly, I believe that they are the ones laughing.

You’ve heard the saying, “Negative attention is still attention.”

I saw only clips of her performance, but it was enough to get the picture. After realizing that I didn’t even know she had so drastically changed her appearance, or come out with a new song, it was clear that though her marketing team may not be working for longevity, they are rather genius.

Every time I scroll through Twitter (she reportedly received more than 300,000 tweets per minute during her performance), turn on the news or radio or google anything, I am bombarded with the comments, still shots and derision aimed at Miley. She’s everywhere and those of you complaining of her openly risqué behavior and wanting to guard your children from her influence, are the very ones promoting it.

Why do we care so much? Why can’t we move on? We have experienced the shock factor from many artists, athletes, actors and actress’. We sure do love a “train wreck” as was stated several times in social media. Then it hit me. The people responding to this with such disdain come from 3 different places…

ReligionHide your husbands and sons! Look away! Don’t be tempted to look on the sinner lest you be influenced and driven to stumble!

Stop using God as a reason to verbally dismantle someone who His son died for. I don’t think He’s cool with that.

Jealousy – (I would pair gossip and drama in this category too) Well I would (i.e. could) never look like that, sing like that, feel free enough to express myself like that, so it must be wrong!

The green-eyed monster is a tricky one! Look out! All the while you’re going along with the flow not realizing that it is you acting the part of the foolish one.

JudgementLook at her, up there, grinding on that married man! I’m sure her parents are really proud! It’s disgusting!

Careful! Be ever so careful when pointing out and enhancing another’s seemingly bad decision. Tomorrow, next week, next month, maybe next year, something you are keeping in the dark will come out into the light and you will think back to the moment you said hurtful things about someone else out of your lack of willingness to understand their circumstances.

Miley and I have many similarities. I’m not a celebrity or millionaire. I don’t know what it’s like to be unable to walk into the nearest grocery store without being mobbed by paparazzi. I could never pull off the outfits she wears. That being said, if I looked the way she does there’s no telling what I would proudly accentuate myself with?

However, everyday I ask the world around me through my words, behavior and responses to things, “Do I matter?” “Am I good enough?” “Do you like me?” “Can I make it in this life where everyone is disposable (or so it seems)?

* I retweeted a picture yesterday of Will Smith with his family and their reaction in the audience during Miley’s performance. Will SmithI wish I had thought through that a little more.

Reason being, if my insides were viewable from my outsides, I would receive the same reaction. Maybe your thought life is as pure as the driven snow, but mine is not.

Whether it’s road rage, envy, disappointment, you name it, I am constantly praying throughout the day, “God, please direct my thinking.” I have burned this image of the audience into my brain as to easily access it in my memory when I am thinking or acting ridiculous.

Jesus doesn’t play the shame game. So why do we? I wore shame far too long before I exchanged it for forgiveness and grace. I thank God everyday that social media wasn’t what it is today when I was going through my time of “discovering myself.” My life would be very different.

For those of you saying, “I will never tell my daughter that Hannah Montana is Miley Cyrus.” I think you’re just silly. We all forge a path. Some of us walk in the steps that others have made while some create new tracks. Mistakes, well, it’s all part of the journey.

I don’t know Miley’s definition of mistake, but she leaves no room for question that she is no longer a child and wishes not to be treated like a child.Miley then
Miley now

If you ask me, we all have a little bit of Miley going on. It may not be visible on the outside, but it’s no less there.

all media was taken from my good friend Google
* The picture of Will Smith and his family’s reaction to Miley’s performance was later corrected as their reaction to Lady Gaga’s performance, as you can see in the bottom right corner. This is a wonderful example of how cut away shots can be paired and used with anything.

Five Minute Friday: Story

Everyone has a story. Whether we choose to acknowledge it or not makes it no less real.

For some of us it’s raw and x-rated. For others it’s seemingly simple and without consequence. I believe all are intertwined. It’s messy and at times unattractive. But there are those moments of undeniable beauty. The ones where the world stops moving under our feet and we hear our heart pumping life as our lungs fill with air. If only for a moment, we feel utterly euphoric at the awareness of our oneness with the Creator.

Jim Palmer posted this picture the other day with the caption, “Every single person has at least one secret that would break your heart. If we could just remember this, I think there would be a lot more compassion and tolerance in the world.” Frank Warren.  You know my name

Isn’t this so true?!

I have a story. It is always evolving, developing and revealing the purpose behind much of my pain.

I recently shared my story with a banquet room full of women and God showed up in a big way. It was absolutely incredible and completely not of me.

It wasn’t until I invited God into the story that things began to change. Nothing was ever hidden from him anyway, but he wanted my willingness to receive.

People love stories. Bad or good, they want to here about the experience of others in hopes of finding strength they didn’t know they had.

I am looking so forward to sharing, with you, what is happening in my story and the exciting direction I am going. I can’t write it all down yet, but I will, soon.

In the meantime, thank you for listening to, reading and sharing my story. I am grateful for each and every one of you.

I love the prompt this week. Wanna play along? Click HERE to join in with the #FMF community of writers.