The Monster in my Mouth

Posted on March 13, 2014 by Joy

This is how my day started…because there were blueberries in the bread.

“Really?!” was my response. I began mumbling under my breath about all the children, right here in our city, who would love to have bread with blueberries in it…

I always told myself that I would never guilt my children into eating with the phrase, “There are starving children in… (you fill in the blank)” (Did you happen to catch the two key words in the sentence before last? Always and Never) These two words will make a liar out of you quicker than anything else.

I have and I do tell my children about the child who doesn’t eat dinner before bed and only has breakfast when he’s able to eat in the cafeteria before school. I think it’s important that they know right outside our door is a world of struggle unparalleled by anything their minds can conceive.

However, maybe breakfast after dragging said child out of the warm bed he was, only moments ago, fast asleep in, isn’t the time to lecture him. Maybe if I considered that this is my child whom;
A. Likes to sleep in. (he’s like waking a hibernating bear)
B. Avoids change at all cost. (the never before served blueberry bread)
and
C. Has no problem skipping breakfast all together if he doesn’t feel like eating. (why put an empty stomach in front of taking a stand?)
I would have been wiser in my approach.

In the same way that I don’t want to nag my husband, I don’t want to nag my children. I want to respect and appreciate their different temperaments without catering to their outbursts.

Jud Wilhite said something in a recent message that struck me right in the heart. So much so that I made it into a pretty little instagram saying.
My lack of patience has always been a glaring character defect and I know better than to pray for patience! But when I view it as the difference between my grace and my wrath it takes on a whole new meaning.

More times than I want to admit, my children are met by the monster in my mouth. My words are harsh and my temper short. I can say with all truth, 99% of the time it’s not the boys who provoked the monster, it’s my lack of time management or lack of sleep or lack of coffee.

It’s an area where I am lacking (and I know it) rising to the surface and lashing out at the nearest target. Even so, I am learning because of all the grace that has been shown me, that “a bad moment does not a bad mama make.” I cannot press this upon your heart enough. Children are quick to forgive. We must be quick to admit fault.

I’m not justifying rants or misdirected anger. I’m saying that when I unleash my untamed words on my children, there is always room for an, “I’m sorry. Please forgive me.”

The days when I am able to catch and reel in my spoken thoughts before they are released for others to hear are evidence of my progress. Some days I fail and in those moments I will recognize them for what they are, moments.

So…there it is…just one shade of my ugly. It’s all about progress (attainable), not perfection (unattainable).

How important to you are the times right after waking and right before sleeping?

Standing on the Yellow Line

Posted on October 14, 2013 by Joy

The other day I was driving down a road I have driven down everyday (at least once) for the last 5 years. I always glance to my right and say to the boys, “How many ducks can you count on the water?”

This day was no different. We all looked out the window at the pond. The fog was sitting just on top of the water’s surface. The boys debated over the number of ducks they saw as we drove on to school.

I dropped them off and instead of going the usual route home, I mixed it up a bit and went back the same way I came. (I’m wild and crazy like that sometimes.) As I drove past the same lake I was surprised by how much the view had changed in such a short time. The transformation was remarkable.

I debated pulling over and quickly realized that the photographer in me could not resist capturing this moment, freezing it in pixels and sharing it with you while shouting at the top of my lungs, “LOOK! THERE HE IS!!! HE KNOWS MY NAME! HE CARES! HE SEES ME!”

I pulled over by the baseball fields across the street. All I had on hand was my phone and I wanted to get as much of the splendor in the frame as possible. I walked to the yellow line in the road…in my bare feet, pajama pants, over-sized t-shirt and no bra. (I tell you this detail because normally it would be the one thing that would keep me from getting out of my car and stepping onto a public street during peak carpool hours.) I couldn’t help myself. I raised my phone and attempted to freeze time. (For those of you judging me for going bra-less in the carpool line, what can I say, I’m a risk taker.)

As I lowered my arms and turned to walk back to my car (that was illegally parked) I realized that traffic was stopped both ways. There were only a couple of cars on either side, and I justified my temporary traffic jam by rationalizing that my seemingly asinine behavior may be the only thing that allowed them to pause long enough to see the beauty of the sunrise. (At least they got a good laugh at the lady on the yellow line, still in the clothes she had slept in the night before, with her “camera phone”)

This is what I saw…
Friends, may I just tell you, this picture does not even begin to do the scene justice.

That’s what beauty does.
It shows up in the most ordinary places…when we’re not ready…when we don’t have make-up or heels on and all we have is the camera on our phone. For me, it shows up around the time I am wrestling with God. Around the time I am asking him to show me who he is and what I am to him. It happens when I am questioning my faith and what I know, in my soul, to be true.

I don’t know what giant you are facing in your life right now and you don’t know mine, but one thing that is true for both of us is the vastness of possibilities that come with faith in our Creator.

The same God who decided which colors he would use in the sunrise this morning hears my pleas and petitions. He accepts my praise and thanksgiving. And just when I need it most, he renews my weary mind and sets meaning to the phrase, “It is well with my soul.”

What about you? When was the last time you were captivated by astounding beauty in the everyday? Did you stop long enough to recognize, acknowledge and relish it?

Stepping into new

Posted on August 12, 2013 by Joy

Sometimes we need someone, someone with whom we are well-known, to come alongside us, put their arm around our shoulder and say, “I’ll go with you. Don’t be afraid. I’ve done this before. I’ll show you what to do.”

That’s exactly what my son did for his brother today.

We closed a chapter and have already begun writing the next one. I think we’re off to a great start.

All but Ordinary

Posted on March 1, 2013 by Joy

My babes I reach over to stroke his hair, purposefully avoiding his forehead. I’m almost afraid to check his temperature. The fever that set in days ago has been relentless, holding steady between 102 – 104.

The stars from the turtle nightlight illuminate the ceiling as they have for almost 5 years, stretching themselves across the door-frame, windows and closet door.

Why does it take sickness to slow me down? It reboots my perspective like nothing else. Lying in this bed, converted three times now, from crib to toddler to full size, on the jersey sheets, the whole world is right here in this moment. It’s quiet. The only sound is congested breathing from my almost 5-year-old and the patterned sleepy sounds of my 6-year-old in the bed next to his.

I find myself asking, “What did I accomplish today?”

I turn and look at my beautiful boys. The silhouette of their peaceful faces not hidden by the darkness.

I did what no one else on this earth could do the way I can. I soothed a sick little boy. I listened to the goings on of a 1st graders day while overseeing his homework. I prayed for physical healing and restoration. I fed, bathed, brushed the teeth and tucked in two little blessings dressed as my sons. I sang songs and rubbed warm, fever ridden backs and I thanked God for grace. I thanked Him for this incredible life of motherhood, redemption and unconditional love that is in fact…anything but ordinary.

This is the first time in several months I have participated in #FiveMinuteFriday. I am reminded of why I love this community so much. Wanna play? Here’s the skinny… 5-minute-friday
1. Write for 5 minutes flat – no editing, no over thinking, no backtracking.
2. Link back here and invite others to join in.
3. And then absolutely, no ifs, ands or buts about it, you need to visit the person who linked up before you & encourage them in their comments. Seriously. That is, like, the rule. And the fun. And the heart of this community..