Tag Archives: Cancer

A Tribute to Elliot

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Kathryn Elliot Paterson Williams
1975-2012
   Daughter, Sister, Wife, Mother, Friend  

My beautiful friend was so much more than I can express to you in words. She was more than cancer.

I have cried so many tears. I have laughed at wonderful memories. I have wished for more time…to be a better friend and stay in closer contact.

Since learning of her passing, I have been rather quiet and still. Unlike me, I know. I always have something to say, but this has left me at a loss.

God is faithful. I know He is. All I must do is look at his track record. It speaks for itself. When the pain is so intense that my insides ache, He is my constant. When I feel as if I cannot catch my breath, He is my comfort.

I don’t have the words to adequately describe what I am feeling. I’m rather numb. For the last several days I have been trying to picture her in heaven. Without a doubt, I know that she would not come back for anything in the world.

Still… I think of the days ahead. I will travel to the site where her earthly shell will be laid to rest. I think of the sweet faces of her little ones and I wonder what Chris must be going through as he has to explain multiple times that she is not coming home.

I wonder how one tells a child that their mother is gone and it is all part of this master plan that the creator of all things has been working towards since the beginning of time.

The same God who they pray to at night allowed their mommy to be very sick and die. What goes through the mind of a 3 and a 6 year old as they try to process such grown up information? I don’t know? I am without answers and feel sure that I will remain so until I meet my Jesus face to face.

Elliot has impacted so many during her life and as she gracefully walked the path of cancer.
It is time for her to rest now.
No more sickness, no more pain.
She is whole.

The following lyrics are from two songs that I would sing, read or pray over the last several months. The meaning within the words brings me peace. I hope it does the same for you.

I Need Thee Every Hour

“I need Thee every hour, most gracious Lord;
No tender voice like Thine can peace afford.

I need Thee, O I need Thee;
Every hour I need Thee;
O bless me now, my Savior,
I come to Thee.

I need Thee every hour, stay Thou nearby;

I need Thee every hour, in joy or pain;
Come quickly and abide, or life is in vain.

I need Thee every hour; teach me Thy will;
And Thy rich promises in me fulfill.

I need Thee every hour, most Holy One;
O make me Thine indeed, Thou blessèd Son.”
____________________________________________________________________________
Never Once
by Matt Redman

“Scars and struggles on the way
But with joy our hearts can say
Never once did we ever walk alone
Carried by Your constant grace
Held within Your perfect peace
Never once, no, we never walk alone

Never once did we ever walk alone
Never once did You leave us on our own
You are faithful, God, You are faithful

Every step we are breathing in Your grace
Evermore we’ll be breathing out Your praise
You are faithful, God, You are faithful”

____________________________________________________________________________

WILLIAMS, KATHRYN ELLIOT PATTERSON 36, beloved by God and man and a resident of Birmingham, departed this life May 28, 2012, after a brief and courageous battle with ovarian cancer. Elliot lived an exemplary life, possessed a servant’s heart, and had compassion for all people. She was a 1998 graduate of Auburn University where she was a member of Alpha Gamma Delta sorority. She is survived by her husband, Christopher Wyatt Williams; son, Wyatt Edward Williams; daughter, Bradford Elizabeth Williams; parents, Edward M. and Beverly S. Patterson, sister, Erin Elizabeth Joye (Jay), parents-in law, Chaplain James R. and Susan E. Williams, all of Montgomery; brother-in-law, J. Kevin Williams (Cynthia), Birmingham; nephew, Elijah Brooks Joye; nieces, Bramley Ann Williams and Ellison Anne Joye; and great-grandparents, H. Lamar Smith, Sr., and Rebecca S. Smith, Montgomery. Visitation will be held at Brookwood Baptist Church, 3449 Overton Road, Birmingham, May 30, from 5:30 -7:30 pm. Private burial service for family and close friends will be held May 31 at 10:30 am at Southern Heritage, 475 Cahaba Valley Road, Birmingham. A memorial service celebrating her life and ministry will be held at 2:00 pm, May 31, at Brookwood Baptist Church, Birmingham, followed by a reception at the church. Pallbearers will be John E. Durkin, Jr., Rev. B. Jay Joye, Jeffrey L. King, Brooks B. Sauders, Sr., Dr. J. Michael Straughn, Jr., and J. Kevin Williams. Memorial contributions may be made to The Elliot P. Williams Memorial Fund by mailing contributions to 4326 Paxton Way Birmingham, AL 35242. Contributions will be divided between The Norma Livingston Ovarian Cancer Foundation and a college fund for Wyatt and Bradford. “I have fought the good fight; I have finished the race; I have kept the faith. Henceforth, there is laid up for me the crown of righteousness.” 2 Tim. 4: 7-8

Related Posts:
When Cancer is no longer a Stranger
In the midst of the storm
A Father’s Love
When the monster returns, Thy will be done 

* For obituary source click here
* Pictures were taken from her facebook page and CaringBridge site.

When I was a Christian

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I grew up in a loving home surrounded by “God-fearing” parents, grandparents, friends and neighbors. My mom says that I prayed to receive Christ at age two. Though she was unable to decipher my words, she’s certain that’s what I did.

I distinctly remember at age seven, sitting at the kitchen counter, across from my mom, when my dad called to say that my grandfather’s long and painful battle with cancer was over. And just like that I learned of mortality…

To continue reading this post, please visit Leanne Penny’s site here where she has started a unique series called, “Beautiful Scars.”

In the midst of the storm

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I don’t know whether to cry or scream. Stay busy or sleep the day away. Restless is not an accurate description of the way I feel. I don’t know what would be?

My heart aches. Literally, my chest physically hurts. My understanding is so limited, so human.

My friend is in need of a miracle.

I believe in the God of miracles.

Yet, He is silent.

Lord, help my unbelief. Disprove my doubts. Show the doctors with human hands who the Ultimate Physician really is.

I look at the work of your hands. The way you have created life in seemingly lifeless places. I want to beg you to breathe life back into Elliot’s frail body. Knowing full well that your will is not my will and that Jesus taught us to approach the throne of grace with the words, “Thy will be done.” on our tongue.

But Father, I want to pound my fists in rage at the injustice as well as lifting my hands in praise for your faithfulness. I am in a strange place that is neither familiar nor foreign. Where fear meets faith…I suppose.

What am I supposed to do with this storm of emotion?! My fear tells me to sit with my back in the corner so that I feel surrounded by stability. How foolish of me for even thinking that walls capable of crumbling could provide me with security.

God, I know where my security lies and yet my faith is lacking. It’s not necessarily the realism of mortality that is so distressing. It is the little ones she would leave behind. It is the man of her dreams and the children they made together. It is those of us left…back here…on this earth of loss and tragedy. A place where understanding may never come.

These are the times we feel the gnawing in our gut and the longing in our soul. It is a homesickness of sorts. Not for this world. For Heaven.

“Help me. Please. Father. Abba. Please help me.”

* To follow Elliot’s story, visit her CaringBridge site. You can find her on facebook and post words of encouragement on her wall as well.

There’s nothin’ I hate more than nothin’

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I have so much stirring in my heart…my mind…my gut. Yet, when I sit in front of this screen with a blank page of endless possibilities before me, just waiting for my words to create thoughts that explain something about this crazy journey I’m on…I got nothin’.

So I have avoided coming here…to this place where I bare my soul and reveal my idiosyncrasies. After reading this quote from Anais Nin, “If you do not breathe through writing, if you do not cry out in writing, or sing in writing, then don’t write, because our culture has no use for it.” I am back here…in this place…where I can breathe.

There are many things that have been brewing deep down in the parts of my being rarely visited. Things that have been around for a while that I push back down whenever they attempt to surface. The problem is, I’m tired of pushing against the inevitable. Those things needing to be dealt with will eventually burst through, leaving me with no choice but to sift through the wreckage.

Who enjoys that?! Certainly not I. In order to sift through my wreckage I need more than some disposable plastic gloves. I need waders at the very least, but preferably a hazmat suit. It’s ugly and it hurts. It’s like cleaning gravel from a fresh wound. Hurts like hell, but the only way to prevent infection is to destroy the threat.

So here I am…beginning the cleansing process…Of what, I’m not exactly sure…yet. But just as the past has proven, more will be revealed.

I have been looking through pictures as they usually calm my spirit and I came across these two that I love. I love them for many reasons. One being that the first one was taken only minutes after my son was born prematurely via c-section. Another is because his life represents so many wonderful things. Defying the odds. Proving wrong one scary diagnosis after another. This little boy and me, we are not only survivors, we are conquerors.

And there is one very obvious fact that I cannot deny.
It’s this…God is good.
He is faithful.

And because of that, when words fail me, even if in a whisper, I must speak the beautiful name of my Savior.

This is my prayer in the days to come.

“Help me lift your name higher… Jesus
You are my heart’s desire… Jesus
You set my soul on fire… Jesus
Your all consuming power… Jesus
I need you every hour… Jesus… Savior… Master… Healer… Restorer… Rescuer… Redeemer… Lover of my soul.”
                                       ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Better than a Hallelujah

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Better than a Hallelujah
By Amy Grant

God loves a lullaby
In a mother’s tears in the dead of night
Better than a Hallelujah sometimes

God loves the drunkard’s cry
The soldier’s plea not to let him die
Better than a Hallelujah sometimes

We pour out our miseries
God just hears a melody
Beautiful, the mess we are
The honest cries of breaking hearts
Are better than a Hallelujah

The woman holding on for life
The dying man giving up the fight
Are better than a Hallelujah sometimes

The tears of shame
for what’s been done
The silence when the words won’t come
Are better than a Hallelujah sometimes

We pour out our miseries
God just hears a melody
Beautiful, the mess we are
The honest cries of breaking hearts
Are better than a Hallelujah

Better than a church bell ringing
Better than a choir singing out,
singing out

We pour out our miseries
God just hears a melody
Beautiful, the mess we are
The honest cries of breaking hearts
Are better than a Hallelujah

Love

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While trying to come up with an incredibly deep and meaningful title for this post, that would be sure to grab the attention of anyone who glanced my way, the one word that kept coming to mind was, “Love.”

My mind will not slow down long enough for me to write something that expresses what is happening in my heart. As I think of my friend, her body being ravaged by cancer, I want to vomit. I don’t know what else to do, but come to this blank page and start thinking out loud.

At the same time, selfishly, I want to give you something that will leave you thinking that I’m brilliant. Something that will touch you so deeply that on your death bed you will think of this post and find peace. Crazy, right?! I know!

God forbid I just admit to the fact that everything I have written in the last 24 hours has sucked! I’m a work in progress. Egomaniac with an inferiority complex remember?! I want you to like me even if I don’t like you…and yahdee yahdah.

Funny (and not in a haha sorta way) thing is, I cannot put 5 words together to form anything worth your time it will take to read it.

As I sat upon my pitty pot of self-delusion, I did what anyone else would do in my situation…I checked my email. Forget actually trying to sleep. I may get an update on my friend’s condition and I cannot miss that…or wait until morning to read it!

There, in my email was a picture of a handwritten note from my daughter. Ironically enough, it was talking about love. Now, I realize that she is a lovestruck teenager who daydreams about her knight in shining armor, in other words, Justin Bieber, but I love what she wrote. Simple. To the point. True.

I love this kid! Her heart is so deep, her motives so pure and her faith so beautiful.

She doesn’t believe that. She thinks she is a nuisance. Now that may change tomorrow, but for tonight, she sees herself as something to be tolerated. What?! How is that possible?!

She told me between sobs what was troubling her. It made me ache. I want to fix it. I can’t.

“I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love.” ~Mother Teresa

Sometimes it feels as if all I am doing in love is hurting, while other times it is pure bliss. As I try desperately to get to my vague point, here is what I have been thinking about love since speaking with my Bella;

How do you find it? Does it find you?
Once you find it, or it finds you, how do you keep it?
While keeping it, how do you explain it to others?

Simple, but not easy…You live it.
In every thought.
Every word.
Every deed.
Every action.
Every response.

Don’t see this as an impossible feat. See it as an inspiring challenge…to love without getting tired.
Take every thought captive.
Think before uttering a word.
Act from a place of kindness.

Love really is the root of it all…or it should be anyway.
It’s where the adventure begins.
Once the search has begun, it is a lifelong journey, there is no going back.
It’s going to hurt and
It’s gonna be messy

but

It will also be wonderful and filled with purpose.

I’m going to be okay…
Bella will be okay…
You…will be okay.

“Love to be real, it must cost—it must hurt—it must empty us of self.” ~Mother Teresa

A Father’s Love

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Today, like every day recently, Elliot has consumed my heart and mind. I do not want to say too much as I want the majority of this post to be the journal entry from her dad below.

The following is taken from her CaringBridge site shortly after she was diagnosed. It is so beautiful. Her father’s words are so sincere as he speaks of Elliot’s determination from the time she was a little girl and her unwavering faith as she has grown into the woman she is today.

I hope this finds you where ever you are and leaves you encouraged.

“Dearest Elliot,

What a precious time with our family and Chris’s family in Montgomery yesterday and today.

As we put Bradford to bed tonight, its amazing how fast 33 years pass by and we remember the 352 days as you were three, we tucked you in, read to you, prayed with you, and slept with you some special nights when you needed that extra bit of reassurance.

All this afternoon and tonight in my spirit I hear the word ‘hope’ in my head and my heart – Look at the top of your CaringBridge site. Look at the logo of  MD Anderson, and more importantly the Bible (God’s speech to men) and the word HOPE THOU IN GOD is everywhere. Job 13:15, Psalm 39:7, Psalm 42:5, Proverbs 10:28, Proverbs 13:12, Lamentations 3:21, Matthew 12:21, Romans 12:12, Romans 15:13, 1 Cor.13:13, Eph. 1:18, Col.1:27, Heb.10:23, 1 Peter 1:3, 1 Peter 1:21.

Take all the many scriptures on promises of healing in God’s Word, and visualize yourself as healed.

We pray without ceasing and with thanksgiving the regimen MDA has put into motion beginning Monday is being used of God to arrest and eradicate all cancer cells, that side effects will be minimum and next to nothing, and with each scan and test we will see the power of the the Almighty God working in your physical body, your mind, your heart and your  emotions as you continue to live before a watching world what it means to love the Lord your God with all your heart, mind and soul – which is the greatest commandment given by our Lord.

Before  David, who expressed every human emotion in the Psalms,ever started praying to God in verse 7-12 of Psalm 27, he expressed his confidence in God FIRST, in verses 1-6 ending with the phrase (ESV), “I will sing and make melody to the Lord.” Then he poured  His  heart out  to God, and then in verse 13-14, he affirms MORE CONFIDENCE IN GOD, In the final analysis, physicians treat, but God is your healer.

Still we pray for hourly strength, endurance, and peace for you and Chris, and for protection and health and grace multiplied for our grandchildren. The “I can do it, Daddy” and the strong-will traits as a youngster now serve you well, as you remember to smile, to  laugh, to find pleasure even climbing the hills ahead, and resolutely move forward in hope and peace and confidence.

I am not a doctor, but I think it takes more muscles to frown than to laugh. In Proverbs we are reminded that a glad, a merry heart, does good like medicine. Remember how God has sovereignly intervened in these past weeks. He WILL continue to do so in the next months, days and hours and minutes and even seconds….step by step. You are God’s beloved, beautiful inside and outside.

One of my favorite hymns, “Dear Lord and Father of Mankind” verses 4 and 5 (the other 3 are great as well) seem fitting as this night closes – before I share it I am well aware its hard to keep up with and process the outpouring of love and support and prayers of hundreds, maybe thousands, but if you forget these words, remember they can be summarized in one phrase -“Be still and listen to what God will impart to you and Chris each day.”

verse 4. “Drop Thy still dews of quietness, till all our strivings cease; take from our souls the strain and stress, and let our ordered lives confess the beauty of Thy peace.”

verse 5.”Breathe through the heats of our desire Thy coolness and Thy balm; let sense be dumb, let flesh retire; speak through the earthquake, wind, and fire, O still small voice of calm!”

I exhort God’s prayer warriors everywhere as God may move upon their hearts to pray for  your complete healing, as our family remembers and prays for the many needs of those around us – many known, most unknown. Truly we live in a fallen world, but God reigns on His throne.  

Love,
Dad”

Please continue to pray for Elliot as she fights. You can follow her journey on her CaringBridge page.

 

 

Please also pray for her husband Chris, their two precious children and the many family members and friends who rally around them with faith, hope and love. Thank you.

Related Posts:
When Cancer is no longer a Stranger
When the monster returns, Thy will be done
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