Better than a Hallelujah

Better than a Hallelujah
By Amy Grant

God loves a lullaby
In a mother’s tears in the dead of night
Better than a Hallelujah sometimes

God loves the drunkard’s cry
The soldier’s plea not to let him die
Better than a Hallelujah sometimes

We pour out our miseries
God just hears a melody
Beautiful, the mess we are
The honest cries of breaking hearts
Are better than a Hallelujah

The woman holding on for life
The dying man giving up the fight
Are better than a Hallelujah sometimes

The tears of shame
for what’s been done
The silence when the words won’t come
Are better than a Hallelujah sometimes

We pour out our miseries
God just hears a melody
Beautiful, the mess we are
The honest cries of breaking hearts
Are better than a Hallelujah

Better than a church bell ringing
Better than a choir singing out,
singing out

We pour out our miseries
God just hears a melody
Beautiful, the mess we are
The honest cries of breaking hearts
Are better than a Hallelujah

Love

While trying to come up with an incredibly deep and meaningful title for this post, that would be sure to grab the attention of anyone who glanced my way, the one word that kept coming to mind was, “Love.”

My mind will not slow down long enough for me to write something that expresses what is happening in my heart. As I think of my friend, her body being ravaged by cancer, I want to vomit. I don’t know what else to do, but come to this blank page and start thinking out loud.

At the same time, selfishly, I want to give you something that will leave you thinking that I’m brilliant. Something that will touch you so deeply that on your death bed you will think of this post and find peace. Crazy, right?! I know!

God forbid I just admit to the fact that everything I have written in the last 24 hours has sucked! I’m a work in progress. Egomaniac with an inferiority complex remember?! I want you to like me even if I don’t like you…and yahdee yahdah.

Funny (and not in a haha sorta way) thing is, I cannot put 5 words together to form anything worth your time it will take to read it.

As I sat upon my pitty pot of self-delusion, I did what anyone else would do in my situation…I checked my email. Forget actually trying to sleep. I may get an update on my friend’s condition and I cannot miss that…or wait until morning to read it!

There, in my email was a picture of a handwritten note from my daughter. Ironically enough, it was talking about love. Now, I realize that she is a lovestruck teenager who daydreams about her knight in shining armor, in other words, Justin Bieber, but I love what she wrote. Simple. To the point. True.

I love this kid! Her heart is so deep, her motives so pure and her faith so beautiful.

She doesn’t believe that. She thinks she is a nuisance. Now that may change tomorrow, but for tonight, she sees herself as something to be tolerated. What?! How is that possible?!

She told me between sobs what was troubling her. It made me ache. I want to fix it. I can’t.

“I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love.” ~Mother Teresa

Sometimes it feels as if all I am doing in love is hurting, while other times it is pure bliss. As I try desperately to get to my vague point, here is what I have been thinking about love since speaking with my Bella;

How do you find it? Does it find you?
Once you find it, or it finds you, how do you keep it?
While keeping it, how do you explain it to others?

Simple, but not easy…You live it.
In every thought.
Every word.
Every deed.
Every action.
Every response.

Don’t see this as an impossible feat. See it as an inspiring challenge…to love without getting tired.
Take every thought captive.
Think before uttering a word.
Act from a place of kindness.

Love really is the root of it all…or it should be anyway.
It’s where the adventure begins.
Once the search has begun, it is a lifelong journey, there is no going back.
It’s going to hurt and
It’s gonna be messy

but

It will also be wonderful and filled with purpose.

I’m going to be okay…
Bella will be okay…
You…will be okay.

“Love to be real, it must cost—it must hurt—it must empty us of self.” ~Mother Teresa

There comes a time when you have to stand up & shout

Quote

“Real beauty doesn’t need to starve itself. Real strength doesn’t need to be violent. Real intelligence doesn’t need to be bragged about. Real women don’t need someone to tell them they are wonderful, or beautiful or lovable. Real women already know it!”

“There comes a time when you have to stand up and shout: This is me damn it! I look the way I look, think the way I think, feel the way I feel, love the way I love! I am a whole complex package. Take me… or leave me. Accept me – or walk away! Do not try to make me feel like less of a person, just because I don’t fit your idea of who I should be and don’t try to change me to fit your mold. If I need to change, I alone will make that decision. When you are strong enough to love yourself 100%, good and bad – you will be amazed at the opportunities that life presents you.”

~Stacey Charter

Where Faith and Facts collide

I’m more than flesh and bone. Right?

Surely this isn’t all there is. Is it?

The wind was blowing so violently today. Trees were bowing to its power as dust clouds from the roadway construction danced on the busy streets.

I try to take the stairs at work, at least when I’m descending from the 4th floor back to the 1st. I love this stairwell. It’s between the 2nd and 3rd floor that I always pause and look out the larger than life windows. Today was no different. I stopped, looked out the window and watched as the trees danced in the breeze. It was so beautiful.

I can’t see the wind, but I know it exists. It is abundantly clear when branches of trees sway in surrender as their leaves are torn away. I don’t ever question whether the wind is real. I just believe it to be…because it is.

It is not unlike my faith. I don’t always appreciate its power until I’m surrendering to something in an effort to move forward or simply survive. In fact, there are times when I go days without thinking about what faith really means. I have it in my back pocket for when I need it.

As I opened the stairwell door to the first floor, visions of the 25 yr. old who jumped to her death only weeks before flooded my mind.

I will never look at those stairs and sidewalk just outside our doors the same way again. It’s haunting when recalling that day. I wonder if she thought there was something more than this life or that this is all there is?

There are times when I think about eternity and it is too much for my mind to take in. I begin thinking, “What if when we die nothing happens? It’s just…over.” a certain sickness comes over me when I question this because everything I know tells me that there is more. So much more.

And then the voice of doubt creeps in and says, “But what if you’re wrong and all of your striving and praying, giving and loving is for naught. What if you’ve been tricked into believing something that simply is not there?”

Then the voice of truth speaks up and says, “But what if you’re right? There’s more. More to this life now. More to this life after.”

And it leaves me knowing that I would rather be wrong in believing that there’s more than this life…a God in heaven who loves me with a love that my brain does not have the capacity to understand…a Savior who gave his life so that I don’t have to perish in my sin…a day when all will be well with my soul…

I would rather live a life, believing that what God says is true and that He is faithful, than to dismiss as silliness the ache in my soul for something not of this world and discover when it’s too late that I was wrong.

The Zoo…through my lens

I reluctantly went to the zoo today.
Can you blame me? It’s a Saturday after all and though I am very social and love being around people, I’m not a fan of crowds.
Once I got there, I was so glad that I got up and out.
The attention to detail and exquisite nature of the Creator has always had a way of renewing my perspective.
These pictures speak for themselves.
Enjoy!

Now for my favorite shots of the day

All photos were taken by and are the property of Joy Cannis and may not be reproduced or used in any way without written permission. I love to share. Thank you for respecting the time and work that went in to these images.

 

“This may sting a little”

I am putting myself through laser treatments to take care of some things that have been bothering me for a while. I’m not sure what I was thinking “laser treatment” is, but for some reason I was not associating it with being burned.

Well…that’s exactly what it is…being burned.

The pain was excruciating and I told the doctor if I could have reached him, I would have punched him in the throat. He just smirked and said, “It will all be worth it when we reach the final treatment and you see the finished product. Have a good day, Mrs. Cannis. See you next time.”

I thought, “Next time?! There won’t BE a NEXT TIME!”

I cried like a baby. The burning continued for several hours. I felt like my nerves were on fire. Tylenol didn’t help (which is what they recommend for “mild” discomfort.) I have had enough medical procedures to know that when a doctor says, “You will have mild discomfort.” What he really means is, “This is going to bring you to your knees, make you whimper like a child and wonder why you ever agreed to this treatment.” The “mild discomfort” burned like hell fire.

24 hours later, I was to remove the bandages for the first time. They had warned that there may be a blister. Thankfully my hubs was a medic so I had him look at it. (Sexy, right? Not even a little.) They had given me a small needle to puncture any blistering, clean it, coat it with antibiotic ointment and re-cover.

At first glance, Chris said he counted about 15 small blisters.
“WHAT?! Why did I do this?!” The tears began to well up in my eyes and the lump was forming in my throat.

“Are you ready?” he asked.

“Um…I guess so? I don’t know? WAIT!”

Did that hurt?”

“No.”

“Good. Only 14 more to go.”

Why am I telling you this in such graphic detail? I’m getting to that. Just stay with me.

The following day, when I removed the bandages, there were only two blisters. Hopefully tomorrow there won’t be any.

I am going through some painful things to reach the desired outcome. I have been asking myself for 2 years, “Is it worth the pain I will have to go through to get where I want to be?”

I finally decided that it was.

There will be several more treatments. I will be fortunate if it is less than 5. As the doctor told me, “Each time, it’s gets easier.”

When I had wiped the mascara from my face and regained composure, I realized that I really didn’t hate the doctor and I started thinking about what I could learn from the pain.

Upkeep on our body is costly and with age comes more expense. Some of the maintenance is chosen while some is required. Whether it’s maintaining beautiful brows, hair color, muscle tone, etc., it takes work.

Why do I think that beautifying and maintaining my spiritual life will be painless and require little to no effort?

If this temporary physical shell that I’m inhabiting takes so much work, how could I ever believe that the eternal spiritual would thrive without any attention?

I call myself a follower of Christ. I try to live like he did. I fail miserably at times, but I start over and try again. I pray throughout the day, little 1-2 sentence prayers to stay in constant communication. But when was the last time I actually set aside time to meditate and have uninterrupted time with my God?

If I am plucking my eyebrows more often than spending a few intentional moments with my Savior, I am missing it.

Just as the cool antibiotic ointment soothes my laser induced burns, time spent nurturing my spiritual being is like salve to my weary soul and heavy heart.

Are you finding the time and resources for physical maintenance while allowing your spirit to starve? Or, are you the exact opposite? I would love to hear your routines and practices for not only maintaining, but thriving from the inside out.

Take a few minutes to watch this video. The determination of this precious child should inspire us all to be more, do more and give more.