In Her Skin

Posted on July 5, 2012 by Joy

As I said in yesterday’s post, my beautiful Bella is the author of this week’s post on self-image. She told me to edit anything that I didn’t think should be included. I think all of it should be included. Some of it made me sad yet hopeful. Bella is unique. She has a rare gift that makes people uncomfortable to talk about. She is exquisite. I’m so grateful that she’s mine.

I asked her seven questions. I told her she could add and/or takeaway. I also told her to write whatever came to mind. Here are her answers.

What would you say is the most difficult thing about being a 14 yr old female today?
The hardest thing for me would be insecurity. In these circumstances perfect model images – don’t help. I often find myself comparing my image to everyone else.

What is your biggest fear right now?
Fear itself. I have constant anxiety, so there is no biggest fear. Practically everything can trigger an image-or as you people call it fear. When I am in darker times I try to remember 1 John 4:18 – There is no fear in love, for perfect love casts away all fear. The one who fears is not made in perfect love. It’s also hard because sometimes I feel OCD which causes me to obsess over even the smallest things. For instance a phone call from a stranger that goes unanswered would be obsessed over for who knows how long.

What does the word “beauty” mean in your world?
In my eyes the first thing that comes to mind is image-but then I think about inner beauty. My friends sometimes tease me about my boyfriend who they do not think is attractive. I think he is very attractive. There is a soul to this comment. I have never wanted a guy unless I fall in love with his personality- who he is. If a relationship is based off of image, I might as well be a cat lady. Now let me get back to the part where I have found what my friends could not find in him. With the inner beauty locks the worlds image from my eyes, I find what others can’t see, and that is attractive. It even helps me see the person in the attractiveness God gave them. For a fourteen year old, the word beauty, in the “REAL WORLD” means, how do I look-what’s wrong with me?

On a scale of 1-10, how important is the way you look to you? To your friends?
To me I would say it was about a ten-same probably for my friends. That dose not mean I don’t care about my “soul” image. I still want to be as beautiful on the inside as was meant to live up to my full potential.

How important are the relationships in your life?
They are extremely important to me and it is particularly hard for me because I try to balance them out. A fault of mine is that I am intensely open with people and for that I got stabbed in the back. (Figuratively speaking of course.) I had a situation in fifth grade that shows just how open I was. I had a truth or dare thing at my birthday party, and it did not end to well. I kept being nagged to tell someone and I did. I can blame whoever I want for it but it was originally my fault. What happened was that rumors got spread about me, and the worst part was that one of the people was one of my closest friends who knew everything about me – and it was used against me. I never forgave myself for that – and there are many other things I am not going to say over the internet that I will probably never be able to forgive myself for, but the best part is that Jesus does. That is another relationship that is important to me. I have trust issues with Jesus, and for what he does, I have no right not to trust him. I want strong relationships with friends and family, and I still need to work on them. I want to build a relationship, not to knock it down, but to build it up. In other words, yes relationships are extremely important to me.

What is the first thought that comes to mind when you think about God?
Father. He is the dad you always wanted but never had. He is love, He will not turn his head from me when I mess up- he forgives me continuously and approaches me with open arms every time. I have no reason not to trust and love Him. I want my life to be built on his unconditional love, and so I want to work to get there. I have to move.

What is one thing you hope this next year will bring?
I want stronger relationships with friends and family (and my boyfriend). I also hope to become more mature and humble in God’s presence. Oh, and I want to make mistakes so I can learn, because if you stand back and watch-you will never experience the change and growth. YOLO.*

* YOLO is an acronym for “You only live once.” You probably knew that, but I had to do a Google search to define it.

Is there anything that you would like to ask Bella? Something that you wish I had asked? She loves reading your comments and hearing your thoughts on her writing. Please take a moment to leave her a note.

Other guest posts by Bella:
You Are Not Alone
Secrets are to Sickness as Openness is to Wholeness
Guest Post: Bella’s Cross

Sometimes all ya need is a lil light

Posted on July 4, 2012 by Joy

Admittedly, I’ve been somewhat of a downer today. The first day of Bella not being here I am sulky and tend to pout. SO, I think you all deserve a burst of sunshine! I mean, it’s the least I can do for my faithful and trusted readers.

I have this friend, Courtney. She is the kind of mom that other kids see and wish they had. (No offense to all of the boring, less awesome moms out there.) This girl is stellar. Not only is she a rock-star mama (see picture below of the shaving cream art on the mirror), she is also one of the most creative people I know, turning the ordinary everyday into extra-ordinary masterpieces. I don’t know how she does it, but she does! It’s something we can all strive for.

So today I am cruising her website looking for her site button to add to my blog, only I keep seeing posts that draw me in and before long I forget what I am looking for. I’m downloading free printables and commenting on the priceless knowledge that she and several other incredible women are pouring out on the page FOR FREE! Did I mention that this wealth of information is all in one place for FREE. (Just didn’t want you to miss that.)
You will find links to each pdf at the end of this post, but you MUST visit her website to find these…
ABC Scripture Cards
My Lil Money Jars ^TM

Look at this oh~so~fun way of displaying the cards…

There are also great ideas on praying for our children. This one is my favorite from Ashley…

Click on the links to read Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4 and Part 5

Here she is! The beautiful…the talented…the incredible…Courtney. Though I rarely tell her, she inspires me to be more. Not to settle for mediocre motherhood. I admit, there are times that I am envious of her creativity, her remarkable skills, her beauty inside and out. And then she will post something about how “normal” she is. It gives me hope and also challenges me to look outside of myself and walk alongside not only other mamas, but women from all walks of life who just need to know that they are not alone. She is the epitome of the woman described in Proverbs 31:10~31

Get to know her. You will be better for it!

Click here for Courtney’s contact info. If you just can’t wait the time it takes to click a link, have a page load, click another link, wait for another page to load…visit her on our favorite social media site by clicking the icons…

Here are those super spectacular pdf. docs I was telling you about.
My Lil Money Jars Tracking Sheet ~ Blank
My Lil Money Jars Tracking Sheet ~ Sample
Conversations For Lil Ones
Fun With Scripture Memory
Ron Blue On Money Management
Light ‘Em Up ~ List Of Ideas
Light ‘Em Up ~ Family Planning Tool
Light ‘Em Up ~ Gift Tags
Mom, Will You Just Play With Me!
Clean Slate Club Plan

And Then She’s Gone

Posted on July 4, 2012 by Joy

Not too long from now, I will drive my Bella back to Alabama to the same “almost half way” point between here and there and I will tell her goodbye. As we hug I will hold on a little longer, squeezing her a tad bit tighter, communicating without words that I will miss her.

It never gets easier. I thought it would. I thought the pain would lessen and I would become accustomed to telling my child that I will see her next month. If anything it has become more difficult.

I seldom open up about this part of my life. These are not feelings that I like to stir. As I sit here, darkness all around, centering in on meditation, I had this thought, “Has any holiday ever been without that gnawing feeling of loss?”

Many of you know that anytime there is a child involved in a broken relationship, holidays are usually the most fought for time. Why is that? If there is anything that I have learned over the last several years it’s that everyday has its own unique meaning. Maybe we should start making up a holiday when we have great celebrations for no reason at all?

I remember when Chris bought me my first really nice, designer handbag. I had never owned anything like it. “Purses have their own bag to be stored in when not in use? Why wouldn’t I use it all the time?” He could not wait until the actual day set to give me the gift.

It was a Tuesday. I was in the kitchen when he came around the corner with the beautiful store bag in his hand, which proudly displayed the designer logo. I stared wide-eyed, wondering what this could possibly be.

“Open it!” he exclaimed, grinning from ear to ear.
It was so beautiful. Hand stitched, not one detail missed. It smelled like the finest leather one has ever seen, because it was. I ran my hand across the side and felt the newness and quality of this extravagant gift. “This is so beautiful.” I said. “So you like it?” he replied.
I responded, “Yes, I like it very much. Thank you! Why on this random day?”

“Why not on this random Tuesday? Now it’s no longer random.” he said.

I love that. Now it’s no longer random. I still love that purse and every time I use it he smiles and says, “Look, it’s the tootsie roll!” (that’s our nickname for it.) It instantly brings back a feeling of newness and surprise. I can close my eyes and still smell the leather.

If you’re wondering where I’m going with this, don’t worry, I’m bringing it back around. I brought this into memory because today, when everyone is celebrating by eating too much, ~~discussing~~ arguing politics and lighting things on fire, I will be thinking about my beautiful Bella. Wondering where she is and if she’s having fun…Just as I do every “holiday” that we’re apart. I will eagerly await her return.

Hear me when I say that I have an amazing husband who I have been madly in love with since the day we met and two incredible little boys that could not be more full of life. I cannot and I will not imagine my life without them. As I look at each one of them and think of how immensely blessed I am there is an empty place at the table, a voice not heard in the halls, an absent presence that represents our family “complete.”

We will not wait for a holiday. It may be a Wednesday, Friday or Sunday, but when my Bella returns, it will be a day of celebration.

I think of the family of my beautiful friend, Elliot. Her children are entering a year of holidays without their mom. Her father so eloquently wrote that when the children and her husband, Chris were at the grandparents house for Father’s day, Bradford (her little girl) said, “Something is missing…it’s my mommy.” I’m imagining that little voice. Children are so literal. They almost never refrain from stating the obvious.

Well today, something will be missing in all of the festivities. It’s my Bella, but I will see her again in a little while. She is still very much alive and living her life. For many, their loved one will not come home again.

Maybe today, as we celebrate, we could remember this, for some it’s just a Wednesday. Not because they don’t want to celebrate freedom and all those who have so willingly sacrificed everything to provide it for us, but because the celebration occurs on a different day and in their own heart and mind. Let that be okay.

I guess what I’m asking is, instead of judgement over how someone is doing something or not doing it, choose understanding. Maybe they just lost someone they love and they are now trying to navigate a world without them. Maybe they are missing someone. Maybe they are the spouse of a deployed service member and while everyone is celebrating with food and beverages, their heart is heavy.

Maybe today, we can start living life to the fullest and learning what it means to embrace every day as if it were a day we knew we could sleep in and overeat. Maybe, going forward, Tuesday will become more than just a random Tuesday for you too.

I am more than thrilled to let you know that tomorrow’s post about body image and self-esteem is written by my daughter.

The Shadows

Posted on July 3, 2012 by Joy

Lord, I have cried out
pleading throughout the night
for Your provision
guidance and
serenity

I lay before you now
downtrodden
face to the ground
acutely aware of how unworthy I am

To even be in Your presence is
so much more than I deserve
and yet, You know that
it is the only thing sustaining me

God, I am afraid
though You clearly say that
I am not to fear what man can do
I tremble at the possibilities
that mere humans hold over me

I was so sure
Lord, was it too much
was it too little
was it all an illusion

I am angry
search me
and reveal what is in me
that’s being allowed to rise up and steal my joy

I am sad
fill me
replace my sorrow with
the security of Your faithfulness

I am confused
breathe clarity
into my circumstances
so that more will be revealed

What I once thought was silence
I now know is peace
I feel Your presence
as You lead me to the cross

That sacred ground where you took upon yourself all the evil of the world
as you were nailed to a tree created by your hands
how can I even think of
continuing to carry anything but forgiveness

You are good
even in the uncertainty of this life
You are the only honorable part
of the story

You alone know my heart
You see the ugliness that festers
I am unable to change that
without Your divine intervention

You are God
and
I am not
Thy will be done

Beauty, the Beast and the Product of the Week: Sunscreen

Posted on July 2, 2012 by Joy

Summer is here!
I am reminded of that every time I look down at my oh so white legs. The funny thing is, I don’t care as much anymore. I guess having 3 pre-cancerous freckles (notice I said freckles, not moles!) removed from various parts of ones body before the age of 34 will make baking in the sun seem less appealing.

SO, I am dedicating this weeks beauty pick to sunscreen and protecting our beautiful skin from the damage that the sun can do. I’m a big fan of vitamin D and it’s great in small doses, but I am also an overdo-er and moderation has always been a challenge.

Here’s the skinny on skin cancer…

Let’s look at how sun exposure relates to skin cancer. The two most common nonmelanoma skin cancers, basal cell carcinoma (BCC) and squamous cell carcinoma (SCC), are directly correlated with sun accumulation over many years. Indeed, the most common locations for basal cell carcinoma and squamous cell carcinoma tumors are sun-exposed areas: the face, ears, hands, etc. (However, it is not unheard of for a basal cell carcinoma or squamous cell carcinoma to appear on a non-sun-exposed area of the body.)

Melanoma is different. The sun exposure pattern believed to result in melanoma is that of brief, intense exposure – a blistering sunburn – rather than years of tanning. (Some studies now indicate that basal cell carcinoma also may be triggered by this exposure pattern.)

Other risk factors are also associated with melanoma, such as a family history, skin type and having a large number of sizable moles on the body. Like nonmelanoma skin cancer, melanoma can arise on any area of the body, regardless of whether or not a sunburn occurred in that location.

Preventative Tips:

Seek the shade, especially between 10 A.M. and 4 P.M.
Do not burn.
Avoid tanning and UV tanning booths.
Use a sunscreen with an SPF of 15 or higher every day.
Apply 1 ounce (2 tablespoons) of sunscreen to your entire body 30 minutes before going outside. Reapply every two hours.
Cover up with clothing, including a broad-brimmed hat and UV-blocking sunglasses.
Keep newborns out of the sun. Sunscreens should be used on babies over the age of six months.
Examine your skin head-to-toe every month.
See your physician every year for a professional skin exam.

When choosing a sunscreen, look for this seal

For a pdf version of this list, click seal-brand-list-may-2012

I thought I would spare you the graphic pictures of skin cancer. However, if you have something you are concerned about and would like to get an idea of what irregular spots look like, click here

If you like quizzes (and who doesn’t?!) click here and discover where your skin fits in.

If you are a “Nothin’ but the facts” kind of person, click here for some bullet points that are sure to set your mind thinking more about your epidermis.

So tell me…do you love the skin your in? If so, are you protecting it for the long haul or just trying to look like a hottie now? Hottie now (can) = Not-So-Hottie later. Do you agree?

What? When? How?

Posted on June 30, 2012 by Joy

This page is for all of the planners out there. Those much more organized than I. You know the ones who need to know what’s coming long before it comes so that they can plan how to execute.

Unlike those of us who often fly by the seat of our pants in hopes of having fun and finding lasting relationships along the way.

I am not saying that one temperament is better than the other. As has been proven time and time again, in order to thrive, we desperately need each other to create a healthy balance.

I’ve received feedback from quite a few of my faithful readers who have given both positive and constructive suggestions about the wide range of topics discussed on the blog. Believe me, I feel you. I am aware that not everyone wants to read about eating disorders, recovery or Jesus. Some people don’t want to click on a link expecting 500-1,000 words only to find photos for a weekly challenge. Where I certainly want to write for my audience, I also began this venture in an effort to avoid imploding, as I wrote in one of my first posts, “A Stranger in my Own Skin.”

Recovery, Jesus, Relationships, Loss, Addiction, Eating Disorders, Beauty, Light, Photography, these things and more are all part of my being. They make me the person I am today, right now, sitting here typing this to you. I cannot ignore one for another.

“Why not?” you ask. Well because you may be that one person who needs to hear something pertaining to any one of these subjects. One day you could find yourself standing at the edge of your cliff (metaphorically speaking of course) and you could be directed to something said that gives you hope.

“How do I know this?” Because I have been that person.

So, I have sought the counsel of someone much wiser than I who is rather impartial and we talked through several different scenarios.
~~I could have a new blog for each subject.~~ I’m just not organized enough to juggle more than one.
~~I could stick to one theme. The one that I feel I am more versed in.~~ That’s just not who I am. I want to learn and grow. I’m not going to only post about things that I feel I know better than anyone else.
I could schedule specific days for each topic while leaving myself a little wiggle room. YES! I LIKE it!

When questioning whether I have multiple personalities or not, please refer to the schedule below. This way you will know what to expect and when to expect it.

~ MONDAY ~
1-Minute Meditation

~ TUESDAY ~
A Prayer (either that I write or that speaks to the season I am in)
Several of you have asked if I could write a prayer every morning. If only it worked that way. The only time I am able to write these prayers is when I am in the right state spiritually, mentally and emotionally. Maybe one day I will learn how to turn it on at will, but for now, I can’t do that.

~ WEDNESDAY ~
Wordless/Worship (usually a picture)
Wandering (random thoughts)

~ THURSDAY ~
Body Image and/or (un)defining beauty

~ FRIDAY ~
Weekly Photo Challenge
Five Minute Friday

~ THE WEEKEND ~
This needs to remain rather open. I don’t always post on the weekend, but when feeling the urge to write something, I do. It is also a great time for me to add to my More than Words page. I am usually responding to comments, emails and catching up on the blogs that I follow. Every now and then I will post something from the archives that I feel is relevant.

I hope this gives a better idea of what to expect when you stop by for a visit. This list is not engraved into stone tablets and displayed on my coffee table. It could change. But this has been a pretty consistent pattern and one that helps me stay a little more organized.

I may post a picture on any given day or if a fellow blogger writes an incredible post, I will re-post or direct to their blog with a tease blurb on my site. My suggestion is that you have a fresh mug of coffee or tea and a little something sweet to compliment it while you read.

I am always open to insight, suggestions, constructive criticism and praise. Please feel free to leave any of those in the comments below or send via email.

If you are new around here, you may not know this yet, but I appreciate you more than words can adequately describe. I am so grateful that you would spend moments of your life, here, on these pages, with me.

Evermore thank you.

Weekly Photo Challenge: Fleeting Moments

Posted on June 29, 2012 by Joy

The photo challenge this week is to share a captured moment…that is fleeting…in the street. The following five pictures capture memories. The ones that make me feel lucky to have a camera in my hands at that exact moment in time.

“Yes. Live today. Not yesterday. Not tomorrow. Just today. Inhabit your moments.
Don’t rent them out to tomorrow. Do you know what you’re doing when you spend a moment wondering how things are going to turn out…?
…You’re cheating yourself out of today. Today is calling to you, trying to get your attention, but you’re stuck on tomorrow, and today trickles away like water down a drain. You wake up the next morning and that today that you wasted is gone forever. It’s now yesterday. Some of those moments may have had wonderful things in store for you, but now you’ll never know.” ~Jerry Spinelli

“Who came up with minutes, anyway?
Who needs them?
Name one good thing a minute’s ever done.
They shorten fun and measure misery.
Get rid of them, I say.
Down with minutes!
And while you’re at it–take hours with you too.
Don’t get me started on them.”
~Jerry Spinelli, Love, Stargirl