Tag Archives: Body Image

In Her Skin

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As I said in yesterday’s post, my beautiful Bella is the author of this week’s post on self-image. She told me to edit anything that I didn’t think should be included. I think all of it should be included. Some of it made me sad yet hopeful. Bella is unique. She has a rare gift that makes people uncomfortable to talk about. She is exquisite. I’m so grateful that she’s mine.

I asked her seven questions. I told her she could add and/or takeaway. I also told her to write whatever came to mind. Here are her answers.

What would you say is the most difficult thing about being a 14 yr old female today?
The hardest thing for me would be insecurity. In these circumstances perfect model images – don’t help. I often find myself comparing my image to everyone else.

What is your biggest fear right now?
Fear itself. I have constant anxiety, so there is no biggest fear. Practically everything can trigger an image-or as you people call it fear. When I am in darker times I try to remember 1 John 4:18 – There is no fear in love, for perfect love casts away all fear. The one who fears is not made in perfect love. It’s also hard because sometimes I feel OCD which causes me to obsess over even the smallest things. For instance a phone call from a stranger that goes unanswered would be obsessed over for who knows how long.

What does the word “beauty” mean in your world?
In my eyes the first thing that comes to mind is image-but then I think about inner beauty. My friends sometimes tease me about my boyfriend who they do not think is attractive. I think he is very attractive. There is a soul to this comment. I have never wanted a guy unless I fall in love with his personality- who he is. If a relationship is based off of image, I might as well be a cat lady. Now let me get back to the part where I have found what my friends could not find in him. With the inner beauty locks the worlds image from my eyes, I find what others can’t see, and that is attractive. It even helps me see the person in the attractiveness God gave them. For a fourteen year old, the word beauty, in the “REAL WORLD” means, how do I look-what’s wrong with me?

On a scale of 1-10, how important is the way you look to you? To your friends?
To me I would say it was about a ten-same probably for my friends. That dose not mean I don’t care about my “soul” image. I still want to be as beautiful on the inside as was meant to live up to my full potential.

How important are the relationships in your life?
They are extremely important to me and it is particularly hard for me because I try to balance them out. A fault of mine is that I am intensely open with people and for that I got stabbed in the back. (Figuratively speaking of course.) I had a situation in fifth grade that shows just how open I was. I had a truth or dare thing at my birthday party, and it did not end to well. I kept being nagged to tell someone and I did. I can blame whoever I want for it but it was originally my fault. What happened was that rumors got spread about me, and the worst part was that one of the people was one of my closest friends who knew everything about me – and it was used against me. I never forgave myself for that – and there are many other things I am not going to say over the internet that I will probably never be able to forgive myself for, but the best part is that Jesus does. That is another relationship that is important to me. I have trust issues with Jesus, and for what he does, I have no right not to trust him. I want strong relationships with friends and family, and I still need to work on them. I want to build a relationship, not to knock it down, but to build it up. In other words, yes relationships are extremely important to me.    

What is the first thought that comes to mind when you think about God?
Father. He is the dad you always wanted but never had. He is love, He will not turn his head from me when I mess up- he forgives me continuously and approaches me with open arms every time. I have no reason not to trust and love Him. I want my life to be built on his unconditional love, and so I want to work to get there. I have to move.

What is one thing you hope this next year will bring?
I want stronger relationships with friends and family (and my boyfriend). I also hope to become more mature and humble in God’s presence. Oh, and I want to make mistakes so I can learn, because if you stand back and watch-you will never experience the change and growth. YOLO.*

* YOLO is an acronym for “You only live once.” You probably knew that, but I had to do a Google search to define it.

Is there anything that you would like to ask Bella? Something that you wish I had asked? She loves reading your comments and hearing your thoughts on her writing. Please take a moment to leave her a note.

Other guest posts by Bella:
You Are Not Alone 
Secrets are to Sickness as Openness is to Wholeness
Guest Post: Bella’s Cross

 

Sometimes all ya need is a lil light

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Admittedly, I’ve been somewhat of a downer today. The first day of Bella not being here I am sulky and tend to pout. SO, I think you all deserve a burst of sunshine! I mean, it’s the least I can do for my faithful and trusted readers.

I have this friend, Courtney. She is the kind of mom that other kids see and wish they had.  (No offense to all of the boring, less awesome moms out there.) This girl is stellar. Not only is she a rock-star mama (see picture below of the shaving cream art on the mirror), she is also one of the most creative people I know, turning the ordinary everyday into extra-ordinary masterpieces. I don’t know how she does it, but she does! It’s something we can all strive for.

So today I am cruising her website looking for her site button to add to my blog, only I keep seeing posts that draw me in and before long I forget what I am looking for. I’m downloading free printables and commenting on the priceless knowledge that she and several other incredible women are pouring out on the page FOR FREE! Did I mention that this wealth of information is all in one place for FREE. (Just didn’t want you to miss that.)
You will find links to each pdf at the end of this post, but you MUST visit her website to find these…
                   ABC Scripture Cards
             My Lil Money Jars TM

Look at this oh~so~fun way of displaying the cards…


There are also great ideas on praying for our children. This one is my favorite from Ashley…

Click on the links to read Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4 and Part 5

Here she is! The beautiful…the talented…the incredible…Courtney. Though I rarely tell her, she inspires me to be more. Not to settle for mediocre motherhood. I admit, there are times that I am envious of her creativity, her remarkable skills, her beauty inside and out. And then she will post something about how “normal” she is. It gives me hope and also challenges me to look outside of myself and walk alongside not only other mamas, but women from all walks of life who just need to know that they are not alone. She is the epitome of the woman described in Proverbs 31:10~31  

Get to know her. You will be better for it!

Click here for Courtney’s contact info. If you just can’t wait the time it takes to click a link, have a page load, click another link, wait for another page to load…visit her on our favorite social media site by clicking the icons…

Here are those super spectacular pdf. docs I was telling you about.
My Lil Money Jars Tracking Sheet ~ Blank
My Lil Money Jars Tracking Sheet ~ Sample
Conversations For Lil Ones
Fun With Scripture Memory
Ron Blue On Money Management
Light ‘Em Up ~ List Of Ideas
Light ‘Em Up ~ Family Planning Tool
Light ‘Em Up ~ Gift Tags
Mom, Will You Just Play With Me!
Clean Slate Club Plan

Tell me how you really feel…

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In preparation for a workshop on beauty, I sent out a survey to 100 women between the ages of 13 and 65. When calculating the results, unfortunately, I wasn’t at all surprised by the answers.

I found it interesting that more than half of the women who responded with “Yes” to the question, “Is beauty important for your overall happiness?” apologized for it saying that they knew it was bad to make beauty a priority. Every one of them claims to be a christian. If you look just three questions before that, the #1 answer when asked “What do you think of when you hear the word beauty?” is “Nature, God, Creation.” What is there to feel guilty about or apologize for?

Clearly there is a vast difference between our definition of beauty and what we think God says about beauty. Why is that? Do you think God cares about beauty? Why or why not?

Results for “Beauty Undefined”

What do you like most about your appearance?
#1 Eyes
#2 Hair
#3 Nothing

What do you like least about your appearance?
#1 Stomach
#2 Thighs
#3 Butt

What is the one thing you would change about your physical appearance?
#1 Thinner/More toned overall
#2 Stomach
#3 Complexion

What is the first thing you see when you look in the mirror?
#1 Aging
#2 Eyes/Hair
#3 Size/Weight
(A 13 yr. old responded with, “I see God’s creation! Wow!)

What do you think of when you hear the word beauty?
#1 Nature, God, Creation
#2 Supermodel, Actress (Tall,thin, perfect hair and face)
#3 Inner beauty

What makes you feel beautiful?
#1 Dressing Up
#2 Affirmation (mainly from strangers)
#3 Husband
(A 21 year old responded that she has never felt beautiful.)

Has your dad ever said you are beautiful?
Yes 65%
No 35%

Is beauty important for your overall happiness?
Yes 92%
No 8%

How old were you when you remember first feeling self conscious?
#1 12 years old
#2 8 years old
#3 5 years old

Do the women in your life make you feel valued?
Yes 94%
No 6%

What would you tell the 5 year old you if you could go back and tell her anything?

  • Don’t listen to what others think, don’t let it dictate what you think of yourself.
  • You are going to be told A LOT about beauty and how to be beautiful. As hard as it may be, focus on the fact that God made you beautiful and that’s all that matters! God’s love is more important than anything else.
  • Find your beauty by looking inside not outside. True beauty starts in the heart and works it’s way out.
  • You’re beautiful no matter what!
  • Be true to yourself.
  • Cultivate a lifestyle of health.
  • People are too concerned about themselves to notice all of your flaws.
  • Feel beautiful for yourself on your terms. If you do it for someone else, they will take it with them when they leave.
  • Beauty comes from how you live and treat others. Some of the most beautiful people I know laugh a lot.
  • Love yourself first, be confident!
  • This will pass and you will be fine.
  • Don’t listen to the lies.

This is the 2nd post in a series of posts about beauty and body image. There will be a new post every Thursday about this subject. If you would like to join in the discussion, let me hear from you. All submissions can remain anonymous when posted by contacting me here or you may leave a comment in the section below. If you would like a pdf copy of these results, click here.

 

Beauty, the Beast and the Product of the Week: Teeth

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Whether you brush your teeth compulsively or just like to try new things, this product is for you.

What? Colgate Wisp

Where? I have found them at Walgreens, CVS and Target. Read more at Wisp

Why? Why not? These are the best for travel. If you are like I am and don’t want to lug a toothbrush and toothpaste around, but still want pearly whites, these are ideal. Keep a couple in your make-up bag. Trust me, you’ll be glad you did.

Cost? For a mere $2 – $4 a pack of Colgate Wisps can be yours!

How would you like to have a product that you love featured? It’s easy to play. Here’s what you do:

1. List your favorite product or routine in the comments section below (it has to be something that you have tried.) Answer these 4 things, 1. What (Is the product or routine?) 2. Where (can you find it?) 3. Why (do you love it?) 4. Cost (ballpark figure, less than $10, less than $20, and so on.)
2. You may have 100 things, like I do when it comes to mascara, moisturizer and the things we would have a hard time choosing between if asked, “Out of these things, what 1 thing would you take if stranded on a desert island?” You can list a new one each week. Start with your favorite.
3. Before you know it, we will have an amazing list of products loved by real people. We will pick one favorite each week.

Please share this with your friends and in no time we will have a list to rival anything that the magazines are flashing.

Before you go, if you would like to participate in the beauty question poll click here and scroll to the poll at the end of the post.

Other weekly beauty picks:
Beauty, the Beast and the Product of the Week: Moisturizer
Beauty, the Beast and the Product of the Week: Lips
Beauty, the Beast and the Product of the Week: Brows
Beauty, the Beast and the Product of the Week: Mascara
Beauty, the Beast and the Product of the Week

It’s time to step off the scale

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If you are a parent, especially a mother to a girl, please stop and re-evaluate the dialogue you are having with yourself, your friends, your husband, the TV, the radio and especially with her.

Stop talking about your insecurities in front of your daughter. Unknowingly we project our feelings of inadequacy onto our daughters. Don’t do it! She may not acknowledge it at the time. More than likely she will remain quiet, but when she’s alone in her room, she will look at herself in a way that she has not thought about before. She doesn’t deserve that.

We have the potential to raise beautiful, secure women. We can have a great impact that is either positive or negative. In order to model a healthy image, we must work from within and stop comparing our insides to another person’s outsides.

This is no longer a silly little obsession. It is a matter of life and death.

I’m not telling you anything you don’t already know. Please believe me when I say that I am reminding myself here as well. I battled an eating disorder for 12 years. One that almost took my life. And yet I still find myself making derogatory comments about my body in front of my daughter.

I have to make a conscience effort not to speak negatively about any part of my body. I have to replace the thoughts in my head with statements such as these;
~ I am thankful for two legs that take me where I want to go
~ I am thankful for two arms that hold my children.
~ I am thankful for two eyes that see
~ I am thankful for two ears that hear
~ I am thankful for natural, God given lips, to speak the truth in love
~ I am thankful for a backside (or booh-tay as I like to call it) that makes long sits in folding chairs more tolerable
~ I am thankful for an abdomen stretched with signs from each pregnancy
~ I am thankful for breasts that are free of cancer and for a time sustained the life of each of my babies
~I am thankful for the fine lines that grace my eyes from years of smiling and laughing

When I stand before the mirror…fully exposed…completely naked…I say these positive affirmations out loud. Sound crazy? What’s crazy to me at this stage in my life, after all I have seen and walked through, is to accept even a fraction of the world’s view of me as valid or worthy of attention.

The following pictures are graphic and will be disturbing to some.
There is no time for sugar-coating and acting as if everything will be okay.
It’s an epidemic and the ultimate tragedy is when it claims another life.

Isabelle Caro found international fame after posing for an Italian anti-anorexia stream of billboard poster back in 2007, and she was known for her skeletal frame due to the disorder she’s been fighting against since she was 13. According to her acting coach, Caro was already sick after returning from a gig in Tokyo, and she passed away November 17, 2010. She was 28 years old.

You don’t have to agree with what I have written here, but please consider the way you are communicating with the girls/women in your life. There is a crucial need for those in recovery to speak up and share hope. This conversation has only begun.

Related Articles;
Mother’s plea: modelling isn’t worth life
Anorexic Model dies at 28
Ransomed
Wrestling demons
Does this make me look fat?
One Word: Enough

Beauty, the Beast and the Product of the Week: Moisturizer

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This week’s product comes from the beautiful and talented, Tara Shaia. She was recently featured on the cover of Little Black Dress magazine. I am privileged to call her friend and blessed to be exposed to her influence. She is beautiful inside and out. When Tara offers a suggestion or beauty tip, I listen!

What? Clinique Age Defense BB Cream SPF 30. I have not worn Clinique products in years, but this morning routine product is amazing!!

Where? You can find it at any Clinique counter in department stores, at Sephora, online, etc. It’s not hard to get your hands on this gem!

Why? What’s not to love?! It’s a lightweight tinted moisturizer (moisturizes and covers blemishes), makeup primer, antioxidant cream for age prevention, and offers SPF protection, all in one little tube! I’ve been using it for about a month now, and it’s done great things for my skin. At first I was a little apprehensive. I mean, with all that stuff inside it, how in the world would this not break me out? But in fact, the results were just the opposite. I’ve not had any breakouts, my skin has felt smoother, and I’ve been able to wear less make-up!

Cost? Around $37, but for everything it does, I think it’s a steal!

I will be heading to the nearest Clinique counter today to pick up a tube.

About this whole beauty thing… It’s easy to play. Here’s what you do:

1. List your favorite product or routine in the comments section below (it has to be something that you have tried.) Answer these 4 things, 1. What (Is the product or routine?) 2. Where (can you find it?) 3. Why (do you love it?) 4. Cost (ballpark figure, less than $10, less than $20, and so on.)
2. You may have 100 things, like I do when it comes to mascara, moisturizer and the things we would have a hard time choosing between if asked, “Out of these things, what 1 thing would you take if stranded on a desert island?” You can list a new one each week. Start with your favorite.
3. Before you know it, we will have an amazing list of products loved by real people. We will pick one favorite each week.

Please share this with your friends and in no time we will have a list to rival anything that the magazines are flashing.

Before you go, if you would like to participate in the beauty question poll click here and scroll to the poll at the end of the post.

The scoop on Tara:
She is wife to Jeremy and mom to two beautiful girls. She is a homemaker, photographer, avid exerciser and always on the move. When I am able to spend time with Tara, I always leave feeling better than before I came. She is a burst of energy, a wealth of knowledge, a source of godly wisdom and a loyal and trusted friend. Whether in front of the camera or behind it, her beauty and creativity shine through and those who are blessed to be around her are better for it.

*Photos of Tara were taken from

Other weekly beauty picks:
Beauty, the Beast and the Product of the Week: Lips
Beauty, the Beast and the Product of the Week: Brows
Beauty, the Beast and the Product of the Week: Mascara
Beauty, the Beast and the Product of the Week

Five Minute Friday: Expectation

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When I read the word “Expectation” as the subject for our 5 minutes together today, I immediately thought of Matthew 6. Only I couldn’t remember that it was Matthew 6 so I had to google the key words and verses. (Just keepin’ it honest with my imperfections.)

I have been thinking a great deal about nature and the way that it surrenders to the Master’s plan. The intricate detail displayed in a spider’s web is fascinating to me. Today’s post is illustrated with examples of creation and the lack of expectation as it knows the Father is taking care of every need.

25-26“If you decide for God, living a life of God-worship, it follows that you don’t fuss about what’s on the table at mealtimes or whether the clothes in your closet are in fashion. There is far more to your life than the food you put in your stomach, more to your outer appearance than the clothes you hang on your body. Look at the birds, free and unfettered, not tied down to a job description, careless in the care of God. And you count far more to him than birds.

 27-29“Has anyone by fussing in front of the mirror ever gotten taller by so much as an inch? All this time and money wasted on fashion—do you think it makes that much difference? Instead of looking at the fashions, walk out into the fields and look at the wildflowers. They never primp or shop, but have you ever seen color and design quite like it? The ten best-dressed men and women in the country look shabby alongside them.

 30-33“If God gives such attention to the appearance of wildflowers—most of which are never even seen—don’t you think he’ll attend to you, take pride in you, do his best for you? What I’m trying to do here is to get you to relax, to not be so preoccupied with getting, so you can respond to God’s giving. People who don’t know God and the way he works fuss over these things, but you know both God and how he works. Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. Don’t worry about missing out. You’ll find all your everyday human concerns will be met.

 34“Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don’t get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes.” ~Matthew 6:25-34


OK, are you ready? What does Expectation mean to you?

2. Link back here and invite others to join in.

3. Please visit the person who linked up before you & encourage them in their comments.