Tag Archives: Eating Disorders

Five Minute Friday: Opportunity

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Today I’m joining in the five minute Friday conversation through the Gypsy Mama.  I have five minutes to write, start to finish on a selected topic.

“We write because we love words and the relief it is to just write them without worrying if they’re just right or not. So we take five minutes on Friday and write like we used to run when we were kids.

GO

I’ve heard it said, many times, that “Opportunity knocks.”
Maybe for some, but for me, most of the time, it kicks down the door.

I’m not talking about incredible, money making opportunities or things of that sort. I’m referring to the everyday opportunities that I do not always notice. The kind of opportunities that happen all around me as I’m living life.

When I’m on my computer and my child comes and sits next to me asking, “Will you read this book to me?” That is an opportunity to engage and be fully present with my child. Sadly, I do not always take it, but when I do, I don’t ever regret it.

When I’m in a hurry to get somewhere and cannot be bothered by traffic lights or people and inevitably there is someone moving slower than I would like them to be in the crosswalk. What a beautiful opportunity to, slow down, take a breath, maybe even lift a hand in a friendly wave while smiling and thank God that I have a car to drive and am capable of doing so many things that bring me happiness.

When a friend stops me in the store with an obvious burden that needs to be heard and I am in a hurry to get in and get out. I can stop what I’m doing and listen. I can be genuine and kind without being there for an hour. This is a great opportunity to show through my actions how important relationships are.

When someone lets me go ahead of them and the long line of cars behind them in the drive-thru at Starbucks, it provides an excellent opportunity to pay for their coffee and ask the Barista to tell them, “Thank you! Happy Thursday!” (or whatever day it is.)

How many opportunities do I come across throughout my day to be generous, compassionate, attentive, forgiving, accepting, encouraging, supportive, present, loving and soothing? (just to name a few.) I don’t want to miss those.

Many opportunities are just as important for the provider as for the receiver.

STOP

Related posts by beautiful and talented bloggers:
Opportunity: Leanne Penny
You’ll Find Me in the Closet
Beautiful Things: Five Minute Friday
Uh, You Better Answer That. (Five minute Friday)
Opportunity: Always Alleluia
A constant pursuit: fmf (opportunity)
Pruning Princesses: The Opportunities we give our kids
In the Tangles: Five Minute Friday – Opportunity has a fat backside
Reading List: Five Minute Friday

When I was a Christian

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I grew up in a loving home surrounded by “God-fearing” parents, grandparents, friends and neighbors. My mom says that I prayed to receive Christ at age two. Though she was unable to decipher my words, she’s certain that’s what I did.

I distinctly remember at age seven, sitting at the kitchen counter, across from my mom, when my dad called to say that my grandfather’s long and painful battle with cancer was over. And just like that I learned of mortality…

To continue reading this post, please visit Leanne Penny’s site here where she has started a unique series called, “Beautiful Scars.”

Beauty, the Beast and the Product of the Week

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It’s no secret that I have had a love/hate relationship with beauty and all that encompasses it. It’s a continual learning process to find a healthy balance. I always love when a friend tells me about a product they love or something new they have started doing that makes them feel great.

I think it would be so fun to create a one stop shop for suggested beauty products, rituals and favorites. Why keep it to yourself? Let’s collaborate and share our secrets for looking and feeling great.

I’ll go first!

This week, my favorite product is…

What? Neutrogena Makeup Remover Cleansing Towelettes.

Where? You can find them at most drug stores, Target, grocery stores and in bulk at Costco.

Why? When I am too lazy to wash my face, I can remove all of my makeup…while lying in my bed.

Cost? Under $10

It’s easy to play. Here’s what you do:

1. List your favorite product or routine in the comments section below (it has to be something that you have tried.) Answer these 4 things, 1. What (Is the product or routine?) 2. Where (can you find it?) 3. Why (do you love it?) 4. Cost (ballpark figure, less than $10, less than $20, and so on.)
3. You may have 100 things, like I do when it comes to mascara, moisturizer and the things we would have a hard time choosing between if asked, “Out of these things, what 1 thing would you take if stranded on a desert island?” You can list a new one each week. Start with your favorite.
4. I will compile the list. We will pick one favorite each week.

Please share this with your friends and in no time we will have a list to rival anything that the magazines are pushing.

Before you go, please answer this 1 question poll and let’s see what you and others are thinking when it comes to the importance of beauty.

There’s nothin’ I hate more than nothin’

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I have so much stirring in my heart…my mind…my gut. Yet, when I sit in front of this screen with a blank page of endless possibilities before me, just waiting for my words to create thoughts that explain something about this crazy journey I’m on…I got nothin’.

So I have avoided coming here…to this place where I bare my soul and reveal my idiosyncrasies. After reading this quote from Anais Nin, “If you do not breathe through writing, if you do not cry out in writing, or sing in writing, then don’t write, because our culture has no use for it.” I am back here…in this place…where I can breathe.

There are many things that have been brewing deep down in the parts of my being rarely visited. Things that have been around for a while that I push back down whenever they attempt to surface. The problem is, I’m tired of pushing against the inevitable. Those things needing to be dealt with will eventually burst through, leaving me with no choice but to sift through the wreckage.

Who enjoys that?! Certainly not I. In order to sift through my wreckage I need more than some disposable plastic gloves. I need waders at the very least, but preferably a hazmat suit. It’s ugly and it hurts. It’s like cleaning gravel from a fresh wound. Hurts like hell, but the only way to prevent infection is to destroy the threat.

So here I am…beginning the cleansing process…Of what, I’m not exactly sure…yet. But just as the past has proven, more will be revealed.

I have been looking through pictures as they usually calm my spirit and I came across these two that I love. I love them for many reasons. One being that the first one was taken only minutes after my son was born prematurely via c-section. Another is because his life represents so many wonderful things. Defying the odds. Proving wrong one scary diagnosis after another. This little boy and me, we are not only survivors, we are conquerors.

And there is one very obvious fact that I cannot deny.
It’s this…God is good.
He is faithful.

And because of that, when words fail me, even if in a whisper, I must speak the beautiful name of my Savior.

This is my prayer in the days to come.

“Help me lift your name higher… Jesus
You are my heart’s desire… Jesus
You set my soul on fire… Jesus
Your all consuming power… Jesus
I need you every hour… Jesus… Savior… Master… Healer… Restorer… Rescuer… Redeemer… Lover of my soul.”
                                       ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Five Minute Friday: Identity

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On Fridays over here a group of people who love to throw caution to the wind and just write. Just five minutes. Unscripted. Unedited. Real. Your words. This shared feast.

GO

Before reading today’s topic I was up on my soapbox talking about raw beauty. When seeing the parallel between my post and the topic I was excited.

I wish I could say that I find my identity solely in Christ. I want to. But that wouldn’t be entirely true. I’m better than I once was, but I’m not there yet.

So where do I find my identity? (Let’s name just 5)

My writing.
My relationship with my husband.
My children.
My work.
My family.

When those things fail me or make me feel less than valuable (which they inevitably will), I run back to the arms of the Father, thanking Him for being my refuge.

I want to do that even when everything is great in all of the other areas! I want to read my bible more and view it as a letter from my Savior. I want to look forward to being able to study His teachings and promises.

And though I long to be in His presence, sitting quietly while soaking up His splendor, I do not seek out the truth in His word nearly enough.

I, at times, make myself an island, hiding behind my computer screen and getting lost in online reading, writing and picture editing.

My identity has been one of confusion and change. However, more and more I see myself settling into the place of my Lord and finding great fulfillment and peace in His sovereignty.

STOP

1. Write for 5 minutes flat – no editing, no over thinking, no backtracking
2. Link back here and invite others to join in.
3. Please visit the person who linked up before you & encourage them in their comments.

Raw Beauty

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“Beauty is a short-lived tyranny.” ~Socrates

How do you define beauty? How do the people around you define it? Especially the 13-25 year old crowd?

My 14 year old daughter came to me recently with a copy of a popular magazine in her hand. “Mom, how can I look like this?!” she asked.

“You can’t.” I answered. “This is not reality. This is an illusion.”

“You’re just saying that!” she exclaimed rather passionately.

Oh the drama that is a teenage girl searching for her place in a fallen world. How can she ever find it when she is surrounded by images that falsely portray perfection?

This is an argument as old as time. Should beauty be important? Does God care about beauty? Is it a sin to want to be beautiful? Is it ungodly to pluck my eyebrows, shave, have nice hair, wear make-up? My answer to these questions is, “Yes. God cares about beauty. Otherwise, I think, He would have made the world colorless and with much less detail. I truly believe the answer relies much on your definition of beauty. No. It is not (in my opinion) ungodly to accentuate your beauty.”

(I realize that there are a million different opinions for these questions and a scripture to back up each one. Many of them, I have heard. Please do not waste your energy sending me hateful messages about how God wants all of us to be ugly and poor.)

After making excuses and suggestions, I realized that Bella has seen the Dove ads and the how-to for Photoshopped images many, many times and she still sees that as professionally done (which they are.) I had to make this personal…I did what my ego hates…there was no other way…after all, this is my daughter and her friends and my friends and friends of friends. This is the very reason that I speak openly in conversation, workshops and seminars about a 12 year battle with bulimarexia.

I had to remove the veil of post editing and show her what a real person looks like without any touch-ups or enhancers. I knew that person had to be me.

So, I asked Chris to take a head shot of me with a 100mm macro lens. A lens specializing in all of the tiny details that one would otherwise miss. The point was not to have a perfectly set shot, but rather, a spontaneous moment, as one would capture in day to day life.

I must admit to you that I did not even like the fact that my physical flaws were so exposed to my husband! My vanity does not want him or you or my children or anyone to see the fine lines (or pores on my face) for that matter!

However, it is no longer an option for the number on the scale, the size of my jeans or the fact that my dimples have turned into lines, to define me. To find my identity in such triviality is not only foolish, but possibly fatal.

I did not use Photoshop on the images. I used Aperture. The goal was not to morph into a super model, but rather show how easy and quickly a simple editing program can “fix” my flaws.

As shallow and self-absorbed as I once was, I never would have thought it possible that I now agree with Audrey Hepburn when she said, “The beauty of a woman is not in a facial mode but the true beauty in a woman is reflected in her soul. It is the caring that she lovingly gives the passion that she shows. The beauty of a woman grows with the passing years.”

Before touch ups using Aperture

After touch ups with Aperture

So to my friend who asked me the other day if I ever take a bad picture, I will say again, “It depends on how much time I spend editing.”

Related Post:
“Does this make me look fat?”

 

Love

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While trying to come up with an incredibly deep and meaningful title for this post, that would be sure to grab the attention of anyone who glanced my way, the one word that kept coming to mind was, “Love.”

My mind will not slow down long enough for me to write something that expresses what is happening in my heart. As I think of my friend, her body being ravaged by cancer, I want to vomit. I don’t know what else to do, but come to this blank page and start thinking out loud.

At the same time, selfishly, I want to give you something that will leave you thinking that I’m brilliant. Something that will touch you so deeply that on your death bed you will think of this post and find peace. Crazy, right?! I know!

God forbid I just admit to the fact that everything I have written in the last 24 hours has sucked! I’m a work in progress. Egomaniac with an inferiority complex remember?! I want you to like me even if I don’t like you…and yahdee yahdah.

Funny (and not in a haha sorta way) thing is, I cannot put 5 words together to form anything worth your time it will take to read it.

As I sat upon my pitty pot of self-delusion, I did what anyone else would do in my situation…I checked my email. Forget actually trying to sleep. I may get an update on my friend’s condition and I cannot miss that…or wait until morning to read it!

There, in my email was a picture of a handwritten note from my daughter. Ironically enough, it was talking about love. Now, I realize that she is a lovestruck teenager who daydreams about her knight in shining armor, in other words, Justin Bieber, but I love what she wrote. Simple. To the point. True.

I love this kid! Her heart is so deep, her motives so pure and her faith so beautiful.

She doesn’t believe that. She thinks she is a nuisance. Now that may change tomorrow, but for tonight, she sees herself as something to be tolerated. What?! How is that possible?!

She told me between sobs what was troubling her. It made me ache. I want to fix it. I can’t.

“I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love.” ~Mother Teresa

Sometimes it feels as if all I am doing in love is hurting, while other times it is pure bliss. As I try desperately to get to my vague point, here is what I have been thinking about love since speaking with my Bella;

How do you find it? Does it find you?
Once you find it, or it finds you, how do you keep it?
While keeping it, how do you explain it to others?

Simple, but not easy…You live it.
In every thought.
Every word.
Every deed.
Every action.
Every response.

Don’t see this as an impossible feat. See it as an inspiring challenge…to love without getting tired.
Take every thought captive.
Think before uttering a word.
Act from a place of kindness.

Love really is the root of it all…or it should be anyway.
It’s where the adventure begins.
Once the search has begun, it is a lifelong journey, there is no going back.
It’s going to hurt and
It’s gonna be messy

but

It will also be wonderful and filled with purpose.

I’m going to be okay…
Bella will be okay…
You…will be okay.

“Love to be real, it must cost—it must hurt—it must empty us of self.” ~Mother Teresa