Tag Archives: Recovery

Who do you think you’re fooling?

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Let me start by saying, “I’m not sure this warrants an entire post.” However, I need some feedback.

While looking through FB profiles of my peeps, several times I found myself asking, “Why are they standing with all of those ‘older’ people?!” Only to realize that it was someone my age. We may have even been in the same class?!

This thinking presents a problem (of my own making of course!). Is it me? Do you do this? Do you look at other people your age and think, “Wow! When did that happen?! When did we get so old?!” Do you think to yourself, “Do I look that old?”

I’m guessing you are thinking that I am a self-absorbed wretch. And I get that, but let me ask you this… Have you ever thought these things? Am I the only one?!

As you know, I do not have a healthy relationship with food. Some days are better than others, but I would never call it “healthy.” My internal image of myself resembles something like this…
Some days I feel thin and beautiful and other days…not so much. I realize that this all points back to “SELF.” Ewww…that word alone makes me feel spiritually dirty!

Don’t laugh! This really has me thinking…Am I completely delusional? It is strange that, depending on the day my perception of myself varies between super toned, 20-something hottie and unfit, can’t buy clothes in a regular store, couch potato?

I am extreme. I’m fully aware of this. There is no happy medium in my world. It’s rather exhausting really. This is why I have tried to rid myself of my, what I like to call, “Extreme behavior triggers.” These are the things that make me act like a lunatic, obsess constantly and end up rocking back and forth in a corner not knowing how I got there?!

This is why complete sobriety (aka abstinence from alcohol) was the only way for me to stay sober (what’s a buzz anyway?). It’s literally why I only stop drinking coffee when my hands start to tremble indicating that I’ve had enough caffeine. It’s why I went to rehab instead of college. All or nothing. Go big or stay home. All in. Any of this sound familiar?

That is why I had to rid myself of this atrocious thing. Raise your hand if you like to get up every morning and base your day off of what this little beauty says. And then, for a lot of us insanity types, we step on it before we go to bed!

SO, I haven’t owned one of these since…well…since I was alternating between starvation and puking my guts up on a regular basis almost 10 years ago. What does this say about me? That ignorance is bliss? That I’m refusing to look at the truth? That if I don’t know, I won’t care?

That is nonsense. Of course I care. However, I have to retrain my brain to care the way that my Creator wants me to care. NOT the way the world says I should care.

It took me a long time to learn this, but I can say it with all clarity in this moment.

Are you listening?

His opinion is the only one that matters. Did you hear that? Say it. Even if in a whisper. His opinion is the only one that matters.

Some of you are thinking, “here she goes with the whole religious bit.” Wrong. For me, it has nothing to do with religion. It has everything to do with redemption.

One of my favorite scriptures is Psalm 139. When I stand before the mirror, first thing in the morning and last thing at night, I commit my perception to Him. I stand fully stripped of all that I feel hides my imperfections and I pray this verse;

7-12 Is there anyplace I can go to avoid your Spirit? to be out of your sight?
…You’d find me in a minute— you’re already there waiting!

Then I said to myself, “Oh, he even sees me in the dark!
At night I’m immersed in the light!”
It’s a fact: darkness isn’t dark to you;
night and day, darkness and light, they’re all the same to you.

13-16 Oh yes, you shaped me first inside, then out;
you formed me in my mother’s womb.
I thank you, High God—you’re breathtaking!
Body and soul, I am marvelously made!
I worship in adoration—what a creation!

What do you think? Could you do it? Would you do it? Are you willing to approach the throne of grace completely uninhibited?

If you’re not a throne of grace kind of person, are you willing to stand before your reflection, stripped of all the things you use to hide? Including excuses?

Try it. And then come back and tell me about it. Don’t be scared. If I can do it, anyone can!

Photos were borrowed from my trusty friend, google.

The Shadows

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Lord, I have cried out
pleading throughout the night
for Your provision
guidance and
serenity

I lay before you now
downtrodden
face to the ground
acutely aware of how unworthy I am

To even be in Your presence is
so much more than I deserve
and yet, You know that
it is the only thing sustaining me

God, I am afraid
though You clearly say that
I am not to fear what man can do
I tremble at the possibilities
that mere humans hold over me

I was so sure
Lord, was it too much
was it too little
was it all an illusion

I am angry
search me
and reveal what is in me
that’s being allowed to rise up and steal my joy

I am sad
fill me
replace my sorrow with
the security of Your faithfulness

I am confused
breathe clarity
into my circumstances
so that more will be revealed

What I once thought was silence
I now know is peace
I feel Your presence
as You lead me to the cross

That sacred ground where you took upon yourself all the evil of the world
as you were nailed to a tree created by your hands
how can I even think of
continuing to carry anything but forgiveness

You are good
even in the uncertainty of this life
You are the only honorable part
of the story

You alone know my heart
You see the ugliness that festers
I am unable to change that
without Your divine intervention

You are God
and
I am not
Thy will be done

Tell me how you really feel…

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In preparation for a workshop on beauty, I sent out a survey to 100 women between the ages of 13 and 65. When calculating the results, unfortunately, I wasn’t at all surprised by the answers.

I found it interesting that more than half of the women who responded with “Yes” to the question, “Is beauty important for your overall happiness?” apologized for it saying that they knew it was bad to make beauty a priority. Every one of them claims to be a christian. If you look just three questions before that, the #1 answer when asked “What do you think of when you hear the word beauty?” is “Nature, God, Creation.” What is there to feel guilty about or apologize for?

Clearly there is a vast difference between our definition of beauty and what we think God says about beauty. Why is that? Do you think God cares about beauty? Why or why not?

Results for “Beauty Undefined”

What do you like most about your appearance?
#1 Eyes
#2 Hair
#3 Nothing

What do you like least about your appearance?
#1 Stomach
#2 Thighs
#3 Butt

What is the one thing you would change about your physical appearance?
#1 Thinner/More toned overall
#2 Stomach
#3 Complexion

What is the first thing you see when you look in the mirror?
#1 Aging
#2 Eyes/Hair
#3 Size/Weight
(A 13 yr. old responded with, “I see God’s creation! Wow!)

What do you think of when you hear the word beauty?
#1 Nature, God, Creation
#2 Supermodel, Actress (Tall,thin, perfect hair and face)
#3 Inner beauty

What makes you feel beautiful?
#1 Dressing Up
#2 Affirmation (mainly from strangers)
#3 Husband
(A 21 year old responded that she has never felt beautiful.)

Has your dad ever said you are beautiful?
Yes 65%
No 35%

Is beauty important for your overall happiness?
Yes 92%
No 8%

How old were you when you remember first feeling self conscious?
#1 12 years old
#2 8 years old
#3 5 years old

Do the women in your life make you feel valued?
Yes 94%
No 6%

What would you tell the 5 year old you if you could go back and tell her anything?

  • Don’t listen to what others think, don’t let it dictate what you think of yourself.
  • You are going to be told A LOT about beauty and how to be beautiful. As hard as it may be, focus on the fact that God made you beautiful and that’s all that matters! God’s love is more important than anything else.
  • Find your beauty by looking inside not outside. True beauty starts in the heart and works it’s way out.
  • You’re beautiful no matter what!
  • Be true to yourself.
  • Cultivate a lifestyle of health.
  • People are too concerned about themselves to notice all of your flaws.
  • Feel beautiful for yourself on your terms. If you do it for someone else, they will take it with them when they leave.
  • Beauty comes from how you live and treat others. Some of the most beautiful people I know laugh a lot.
  • Love yourself first, be confident!
  • This will pass and you will be fine.
  • Don’t listen to the lies.

This is the 2nd post in a series of posts about beauty and body image. There will be a new post every Thursday about this subject. If you would like to join in the discussion, let me hear from you. All submissions can remain anonymous when posted by contacting me here or you may leave a comment in the section below. If you would like a pdf copy of these results, click here.

 

Sanctuary

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Father, here I am
exposed
my petitions laid out before You
as a day of uncertainty is dawning

It is You whom I trust
not I
I grow weary at the slightest task
Your strength endures

My heart is heavy with my will
it longs to delight in Yours
though You remain silent
the peace from Your faithfulness
calms my restless mind

Speak into my being
I beg You
search me
reveal where faith is lacking

I trust You
my Savior
I need You
my Deliverer

This world and all of its wickedness
has filled my dreams throughout the night
until I awoke
heart pounding
gasping for a breath of truth

Here I am
pensive
deficient
exhausted from a night of wrestling darkness

I come to this place
before dawn
between sleep and the demands of the day
my quiet sanctuary

Where else would I go
my King
my Lord
my Redeemer
You are all there is

Mountain or Molehill?

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A little more than 24 hours ago, this was my mountain.

It was overwhelming…daunting…I was exhausted by the thought of it.
I mean, I can’t even get to the washer to start a load! Ughhhhh…”I would rather donate these clothes than have to separate, wash, dry, fold and put it all away!”

I can sense you judging me.
Part of what you’re thinking is accurate.
I was behaving like a spoiled brat. I mean, who looks at their dirty laundry and prefers to give it away over washing it?! (Maybe I should stop wearing my tiara randomly around the house? Nah.)

What?! You don’t wear a tiara while doing laundry, the dishes, scrubbing toilets, or anything else of importance?! I highly recommend it!

Then it happened…it happens every time I start whining about my circumstances. The girl with no shoes and a tired expression comes into my mind. She walks 6 miles a day just to get water. I imagine what her face would look like if she had a washer and dryer and if she could walk to the refrigerator and fill a cup with water that comes straight from the door. You don’t even have to open the fridge!

One may argue that this is a reaction of guilt. Maybe it’s the product of growing up in an environment where, if I didn’t finish a meal I would hear, “Children in Africa don’t have anything to eat. They would gobble that cauliflower right up and be thankful!”

However, one would be wrong. Visualizing the young girl having to walk miles to get water all while hoping she isn’t ambushed and raped along the way is a very true reality for many. I am fortunate enough to be here, in my home, in the land of plenty.

There are few things I dislike more than “housework,” none of it compares to what others endure on a daily basis for simple survival. I do enjoy vacuuming because I get to see instant progress by the tracks being made in the carpet as the vacuum removes all of the dust and dirt. However, when I think about the fact that I have an entire room dedicated to removing the stains, washing and drying my clothes… well… I am overcome with the reality that I am either spoiled beyond entitlement, immensely blessed, or a little bit of both.

Now that things were coming back into perspective and I was feeling a little more rational, I formulated a plan. Eight loads of laundry later, tiara still shining, this is the new view…

This may be a silly example to some, but for me the mess, our dirty laundry, made everything else seem bigger.

We all have our mountains. Some are daily, some weekly, others monthly. There are those that will only be part of our story once in our lifetime.

Compared to cancer, my mountain looks like a speed bump. However, for me it represents what’s going on with my insides. Does it seem a little more valid when I put it that way? When my spiritual life is in comparable condition to my laundry room before overhaul it calls for drastic measures. It is also a telltale sign that no maintenance is being done. If I would do a little bit of laundry everyday, my floor would not be covered with dirty clothes. Isn’t it the same with my spiritual life?

If you are still wondering if I am comparing my insides to my dirty laundry and the avoidance to clean it all up, the answer is a resounding, “YES!” I’m a simple gal (for today anyway), meaning I  need simple illustrations that I can wrap my brain around. Jesus is for my soul what Tide is for my clothes. Shew! I am so thankful for grace!

A man much smarter than I, by the name of Thomas Merton wrote, “Once you have grace… you are free. Without it, you cannot help doing the things you know you should not do, and that you know you don’t really want to do. But once you have grace, you are free… there is no power in existence that can force you to commit a sin–nothing that will be able to drive you to it against your own conscience. And if you merely will it, you will be free forever, because the strength will be given you, as much as you need, and as often as you ask, and as soon as you ask, and generally long before you ask for it, too.” ~The Seven Storey Mountain

Walking past my clean laundry room gives me a sense of accomplishment and pride. Is that wrong? What’s your mountain today? Is victory attainable? Are you overwhelmed?

Scriptures for a Sound Mind

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The following is an excerpt from Joyce Meyer’s Ministries. As I read it this morning I felt compelled to share it with you. Our mind is such a powerful tool. For as long as I can remember I have struggled with darkness. As you know, the only thing that can combat the darkness is light. Blessings to you on this faith journey.

As you begin to claim your mind back from the enemy, he will not want to give up the place that he has had. You will have to do battle with his lies and confusion.

Your first step is to declare out loud that you will not allow any outside force to do your thinking–no man and no spirit. There are spiritual laws that demons must obey. They cannot stay where a man wills them not to stay. Your power is in the Name of Jesus, the Blood of Jesus, and the Word of God. Ask God to give you discernment of the lies of the devil.

Think about what you are thinking about. As you recognize a lie to your mind, always defend yourself out loud. That means speaking to Satan and the evil forces out loud, binding them in the Name of Jesus, and forbidding them to lie to you and to use your mind.

When you catch a lie to your mind, use this prescription regularly–and you will regain peace, your memory, restful nights, and the ability to concentrate and comprehend.

You are in a battle–you are not alone–for all of God’s people fight this same fight (Ephesians 6:12). Make up your mind not to give up! According to Colossians 3:2, set your mind on things above and keep it set! As you begin this battle, it will seem worse than ever. The reason is that the demonic powers are fighting to keep their place in your mind (and in your thinking). Call upon God’s grace in the Name of Jesus, and He will give you the power of the Holy Spirit to overcome every evil tendency fully.

Remember, regaining your mind is a process. We all fail at one time or another. God knows our weakness; that is why He gave us 1 John 1:9. Just ask for forgiveness and see the Blood of Jesus washing away your sin. Don’t give up! Continue claiming what belongs to you (your mind and your thinking belong to you), and Jesus will help you overcome.

Second Timothy 1:7 says, “For God did not give us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind!”

ADDITIONAL SCRIPTURES FOR A SOUND MIND
When You Hear A Lie Going Through Your Mind, Say Out Loud:
2 Corinthians 10:5 “Satan, you are a liar. I will not receive (or believe) your lie in the Name of Jesus.”

1 John 4:4 “I remind you that it is written, ‘He that is within me is greater than he that is in the world.’ I command you to bow your knee to the Name of Jesus and leave me.”
(Now you have pulled the lie out–just as you pull a weed out of the ground. An empty hole remains where the weed was, and you will need to fill the space you cast the lie out of with Scripture.)

Philippians 4:8 Begin to think on the Word or begin to sing a praise song to God. Make a conscious effort to fill your mind with good, pure, wholesome, and lovely thoughts.

Copyright © 2008 Joyce Meyer Ministries, Inc.

Five Minute Friday: Path

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“As a single footstep will not make a path on the earth,
so a single thought will not make a pathway in the mind.
To make a deep physical path, we walk again and again.
To make a deep mental path, we must think
over and over the kind of thoughts we wish to dominate our lives.”
~Henry David Thoreau~

While out in the gardens this morning, we came across several beautiful paths. I wanted to share them with you. They are all different…beautifully unique…full of potential. What do you see when you look down these paths? Where do you think they go?
Where would they take you?

It’s a #FiveMinuteFriday flash mob! <—click to tweet this!

1. Write for 5 minutes flat – no editing, no over thinking, no backtracking
2. Link back here and invite others to join in.
3. And then absolutely, no ifs, ands or buts about it, you need to visit the person who linked up before you & encourage them in their comments. Seriously. That is, like, the rule. And the fun. And the heart of this community..