Tag Archives: God

Five Minute Friday: Stay

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Words, quotes, statements, pleas, heartbreak, uncontrolled happiness… all flooded my mind when I read Lisa-Jo’s Five Minute Friday prompt.

Stay.

How many times and in how many ways do I use this word?

With my husband;
Can’t you stay in bed a little longer.
Can you stay with the boys while I run some errands.
Thank you for staying even when it wasn’t easy.
I could stay right here, in this moment with you forever.
Where will we stay when we go to __________?

With my children;
Stay right there! Don’t move!
I wish I could stay with you at school all day. It would be so fun!
We are going to stay with family when we go to California.
I wish you could stay this little forever.
Papaw is coming to stay for a few days!

I have so many uses for this word stay. Some healthy, others not so much. Regardless of the category in which they fall I have learned much about this word, my interpretation and the way I use it with others.

With Chris it’s, “Don’t leave yet. Stay.” What I’m really saying is, “I feel insecure. Please don’t leave me.”

When I tell my children I wish they would “stay little forever” it’s not really what I mean. I want them to grow and thrive and live life to the fullest.

Many times the things I wish could stay the same must evolve for my betterment. I don’t always see it, or want it for that matter, but it must. Few things stay the same and I am quite certain I wouldn’t want them to. Nothing but the Father’s love and faithfulness. Upon those I can rely, build my future and speak my truth. All else stays for a time and is gone.

My five minutes are up! Thanks for stopping by.

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Where is God now?

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How could I ever look at anything and ask, “Where’s God?!” All I have to do is look out my window. I can see God everywhere, in everything.
But I have been in that place. More than once. Spiritual desolation where God is nowhere to be found. That corner of hell with gnashing of teeth and pulling of hair.

That place where a young mother is diagnosed with cancer and dies less than a year later leaving a husband and two young children that she worked so hard to have.

The place where baby’s who are “incompatible with life” are carried full-term, the mother’s belly sliced open to give baby life and after a few short days out of the womb the mother is left with memories, photos and a wound far greater than the one from the blade of the scalpel.

The place where ends don’t meet.

There’s no happily ever after.

Where regret is a constant companion and depression is the norm.

Where one begins to doubt heaven and the existence of a God at all.

What kind of God would take the life of a 17-year-old girl with all the promise in the world, one beautiful day after a small town football game? Her mother recalls her saying, “It’s the most beautiful day! I don’t remember a day quite like it?” That was one of the last things she heard her daughter say.

Who wants to know a God that watches two small children lay flowers on their mother’s grave and ask their daddy night after night, “Where’s mommy?”

If God is so good wouldn’t he grant the wish of the young wife who has cried herself to sleep for the last 5 years when the pregnancy test is negative…again.

What about the children who are sold into a world of sex and abuse. Being promised to the dirtiest of men who use them up and throw them away when they’re finished. Surely God doesn’t see or hear their whimper for help. How could he and not do anything about it?!

I don’t know the answer. What I do know, without a doubt in my mind, is that God is good…all the time…even when it doesn’t feel like it. I have crouched, head in hands, digging nails into my scalp, hoping the pain would cure my numbness.

I have been in my corner of self-inflicted hell with seemingly no way out while making promise after promise to my Creator of what I would abstain from if only he would get me out of the current circumstances and save me from myself.I have committed heinous acts thought to push me far beyond forgiveness.

Here is what I know. The same God who calmed the sea when he told Peter to walk out on the water to him, calms my heart when I don’t understand his plan. Just like Peter, when I take my eyes off of him, I sink into the very thing I think capable of overtaking me.

I want to have faith. I do. I want to see every situation through the eyes of a just and loving God with a plan far greater than my own…but more times than not, I don’t. Half the time I shake my fist to the heavens while the other half I lay face down on the floor, arms out, palms open, “Thy will be done, Lord. Not my will, but thine.”

I don’t understand his ways. Why should I? I was never promised full disclosure. If I were granted understanding, would there be a need for faith? What would it really change?

He is a God who gives and takes away.

His love endures forever and ever.

I believe.

The only other option is the opposite of hope. A life of uncertainty, waiting for the next “thing” to happen. Asking myself when atrocities occur what I could have done to prevent it, when none of it is within the realm of my control, nor would I want it to be.

God is God and I am not.
All knowing.
All seeing.
All wise.
Infinite.
Immortal.
Unchanging.
The same yesterday, today and forever.

There is one thing I do have control over.
The choices I make.
In this moment,
I choose faith.
I choose not knowing the whole story, but trusting that it will play out as it should.
I choose joy.
I choose grace and mercy.
I choose to see people as God with skin on.
I choose life.
I choose Christ.
I choose freedom.
I choose trust.
I choose forgiveness.

I choose to go out on my back porch, take in beauty that is far too majestic to capture, inhale cleansing breaths through my nose and into every cell in my body, all that is good, all that is well, all that is pure and healing. While exhaling the “what if?” “Why me?” “Why them?” “Why now?” I choose the something far greater awaiting me, if I choose to believe.

Five Minute Friday: Quiet

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Just saying the word quiet feels like exhaling to me.
My world has been rather noisy as I am pulled in a million different directions. Just typing it out here causes that feeling of angst to return. It is self-inflicted noise.

I am a lover of change. I enjoy juggling many different projects at once. Problem is, I have never been a friend to balance. I will take on more and more until I’m completely drained. It usually takes my man of more than a decade to reel me back in.

And when he does I realize just how much I love the quiet. I get up long before the sun, not to work on the next project, but to sit in front of the fire and listen to the sounds of early morning. Every now and then I will hear something that I think are not so little feet hitting the carpeted floor in the boy’s room and I think, “Please God, just give me 5 more minutes of…this.”

Just a few more moments of unobtrusive meditation and inward worship. The kind where I close my eyes and focus solely on the living breath in and the healing breath out. The quiet before the chaos of everyday life ensues. Just a few more minutes…with you…uninterrupted.

That is my wish for you today, everyday, that you will have a quiet place to retreat when the world around you is too loud. A place to close your eyes and focus on the breath filling and emptying your lungs. A place where being quiet speaks volumes.

What does quiet mean to you? Wanna tell the world in 5 minutes or less? Here’s how to play…
1. Write for 5 minutes flat – no editing, no over thinking, no backtracking.
2. Link back here and invite others to join in.
3. And then absolutely, no ifs, ands or buts about it, you need to visit the person who linked up before you & encourage them in their comments. Seriously.

 

A Letter to our Troops

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Dear Service Hero,

Thank you! It hardly seems enough. A simple “thank you” isn’t enough, but it’s what I have to bring to you in this moment.

I could lie and say that I know how you feel, but I don’t. I can’t even begin to imagine what you’re feeling so far from home and in the midst of such uncertainty. I’m sorry that I do not appreciate you more. I’m sorry that it takes a letter writing initiative to cause me to pause long enough to recognize that my freedom isn’t free at all. Please forgive me when I take for granted all of the luxuries I am afforded because of your sacrifice. I am so blessed because of you and the work you do everyday.

As I put pen to paper (or finger to keys), in an effort to offer my sincere thanks, my heart swells with gratitude. Thank you. Thank you. A thousand times, Thank you. For protecting the life of a girl like me who has done absolutely nothing to deserve it. I am overcome with thanksgiving.

I pray that God’s hand will be upon you. That he will guide your steps and bring you home, safely and quickly. May the Lord bless you and keep you, my brave friend. May he make his face shine upon you and grant you peace, evermore.

Love and Light,

 
Just as James Freeman prayed this for all soldiers in World War II, I pray this for you.
This is my second year participating in The Bert Show‘s Big Thank You! They make it really easy by giving step by step instructions on letter format, drop-off locations and deadline. Last year I wrote letters because I felt it was the “right” thing to do. This year, as I began writing, it was different. I connected to the person who would be reading my words. I saw them as a human being who was far from home and missing their family. It made all the difference in the world.

It also made me realize that there is really no excuse for not appreciating the men and women sacrificing every detail of their lives for us. The Bert Show thought of everything and removes all excuses. Though the deadline for letters has come and gone, I would encourage you to sit down and write a letter or several letters to a service member.

If any of you reading are in the service or have ever been in the service, this post was written for you. Thank you.

For those of you who would like one, here is the PDF version of the prayer: Prayer for Protection

 

Among the thorns

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I have walked into a time of my life that is busier than any I have known before. 24 hours doesn’t seem to be enough to get everything done that needs doing. Plates are spinning high above my head on the imaginary poles I balance. And not well, mind you. The sound of china shattering happens more often than I’d like, but for the most part, I keep up the insidious act of holding it all together.

Recently I found myself asking, “Who am I…really?” “What will unfold over the next several months as I plunge into uncharted territory?” (For those of you wondering what I’m talking about, I will be leaving my current job position that I have become extremely comfortable in and exploring other opportunities at the end of December. It’s terrifying and exciting all at the same time.) What will I do, you ask. Well…I’m figuring that out.

I’m a writer.
A lover of words.
A poet at heart.
A romantic in the deepest sense of the word.
I love change.
I have fallen in love with photography.
I no longer see the world the way I once saw it.
I feel closer to God…looking at life through my lens.
The details that I never noticed now become impossible to miss.
And I will never see, even the smallest insect the same way again.

There is one place I love to go when I am stressed. This past weekend I didn’t even know I wanted to, but Chris knew I needed to go. It had been two very long work days and I was exhausted, but still eager to walk into my sanctuary of nature.

I had my camera, but didn’t plan on taking any pictures as I had been strategically photographing for several hours before I arrived. And then I stepped into one of the green houses.
Beams of sunlight streamed in across the plants and brick flooring.
The mist of humidity made it seem like you could hold the light in your hands.

It was magical and serene. It was beautiful and fragile.
It was an opportunity to be in the moment. To see God in all things. To inhale deeply and freely.

Nothing empty’s a life of the beauty of the moment faster than hurry. Call it what you will, but I believe it was God’s way of not only telling me, but showing me that his light will penetrate through absolutely anything. There’s no stopping it. There’s no hiding it. It will be made known, exposing not only the dirt and dust, but the beauty and luster of creation.

As I turned another corner, there it was again. Only in a different way. The light that pushes its way through that which tries to contain it. God knows that many times for me things have to be made blatantly obvious before I will recognize them for what they are. Before I will acknowledge the gift and the Giver.

The tension across my shoulders loosened and the stress melted away. I wasn’t anywhere else in the world. I was exactly where my feet were. In that moment. In the streams of sunlight accentuating the different shades of green on the leaves. The long slender vines stood out in a way they never had.
Okay, God, you have my attention.

From that point on, as I walked through the place I have been a dozen times before, it was as if I had never seen the surroundings. I would get lost in the detail of an orchid or the ripples of water in the copper basin. I allowed the scents of flowers in their last season of bloom to fill my nostrils and relax my mind.

As I walked 10 more steps or so, the most beautiful sight came into view.
My boys were drenched in sunlight. I watched as they moved their hands back and forth through the beams, laughing and squinting their eyes while looking up for the source of light. The tops of their heads appeared to be glowing. I couldn’t help but laugh. God, I am so undeserving of such beauty and blessings. The fact that you would give a wretch like me a day like this one proves that you are a God of mercy and grace. Thank you…Father…Thank you.

There is something God whispered to me continually through every petal, leaf, blade of grass and beam of sunlight. It was this…You are mine. Treasured. Sacred. Adored. Heir to the throne of grace. Child of the King. This life that you toil so to figure out has already been decided. This time that you say is not enough is in fact fleeting. These moments of little boys with faces full of wonder is just that, a moment. Rest. Listen. Breathe. All will be well.

I truly believe that it will.

Here are some of the beautiful captures of the day. I would encourage you to take a moment as you look through these pictures to remind yourself of how valuable you are to the Creator of all things. Blessings to you on this journey, my friend.

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I am not the number

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on a scale
on a roster
of blog hits per hour
in my bank account
on my SAT
on a measuring tape
in a cell phone
at the dmv
of followers on twitter
of likes on facebook

i am breath
i am warmth
i am loved
i am chosen
i am forgiven
i am beautiful
i am passionate
i am sacred
i am treasured
i am made in the image of the God of life

i will begin living today as if i truly believe that i have a purpose
i will not focus on yesterday
i will not put my trust in tomorrow
i will live here
in this moment
in this gift
of time and energy and possibilities
here
where God is

i will not be your reason or your consequence
i will not look to you for my happiness or fulfillment
i choose to see the world through the filter of Jesus
accepting people as they are not as i think they should be
using whatever gifts i have to serve the one right in front of me
accepting my humanness as temporary and fleeting
embracing all that is holy
reflecting all that is good
absorbing all that is God

and when i fail
i will begin again
with the acute understanding that
this world is not my home
i am no longer a slave to sin
the chains that once bound me are broken
i do not work towards earthly rewards
my eyes will be fixed on eternity
on Christ
on all that is or ever will be
until at last faith becomes my sight

Five Minute Friday: Voice

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Listen closely
Do you hear that?
It’s the whisper of self
The voice inside you
Inside us all
Motivating your choices
Steering your future
Speaking up whenever there is a decision to be made
What is it saying?
Is it the voice of truth
Telling you to step outside your comfort zone
Telling you to walk by faith if you want to inherit eternal blessings
Nudging you to look up and around at all the beauty and life
Speaking the words of your Creator into your soul
Do you hear it?
What’s it saying?
This may be the most important voice you listen to
Why?
Because it’s your choice
Yours alone
No one can choose for you
Today
In this moment
I will choose
I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth

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