The Overcommitter Quitter

Posted on July 10, 2012 by Joy

We have all known at least one. Maybe you are one? That person who overcommits only to quit before the follow through and usually with only hours notice. I know this person well because I was one. There are times when I still slip back into the pattern of pleasing. It is one of the things that I detest most about myself! A defect of character found often in my blind spot.

No one likes a person who will not follow through. The kind of person who is the first to volunteer and then call at the last-minute or better yet, text to say that there is just no way they can make it. They are so sorry, but…

The worst part about this behavior is that it sets the person on the other end up to fail from the very beginning. It deems the offender undependable. Few things are worse than when you take someone at their word only to find that their word has been spread so thin that it means virtually nothing.

I must make a conscious effort not to say yes to every opportunity that comes my way. In an ideal world everyone would always be happy with me. My work would be unbelievable every time, even if something I’m not versed in. Everyone would want me on their team to offer my ideas and then carry them out.

Are you laughing out loud?! I know! It’s I N S A N E! It’s also exhausting. For me, overcommitting is just another way of feeding my ego. It’s Edging God Out. I don’t intentionally push God to the side. It happens subtly. That’s why ego is so tricky. It makes those of us who overcommit and under deliver look like the victim. Many people will even feel sorry for us.

Self-centeredness often comes disguised as an opportunity to help someone else. At least mine does. I have to look at my motives or the next thing you know I’m shh-shing God and striving for the acceptance of man. That which is not lasting, but feels so rewarding in the moment.

Henri Nouwen says it best when discussing The Temptation to be relevant. “I was suddenly faced with my naked self, open for affirmations and rejections, hugs and punches, smiles and tears, all dependent simply on how I was perceived at the moment.”

I’ve shared with you before that I have to strip myself of everything, stand before a full-length mirror and speak aloud to God. To some it sounds crazy while to others it’s genius.

It has been many years since I was blindly living my life to please everyone else. I will use Nouwen’s words again when he was asking God for clear direction with important decisions and he said, “I was living in a very dark place and the term “burnout” was a convenient psychological translation for a spiritual death.”

When my soul purpose is to please Christ, the one who made me and everything on earth and in heaven, my life can be rich and full without being overwhelming. When my attention drifts from the giver and sustainer of all that is good, it’s only a matter of time before I am brought to my knees.

I have released myself from the chains of people pleasing through overcommitment. I have some incredible friends who, in their wisdom, with kindness and love, help me back to my center. It takes time. It doesn’t happen overnight. It’s work, but I am here to tell you it is attainable. You will need someone you trust to point things out to you without the fear of being chastised. Like anything else that’s worth having, it means sacrifice and transparency.

Well, what are you? Are you an overcommitter? An overcommitter quitter? Or a healthy balance when it comes to demands?

Who do you think you’re fooling?

Posted on July 7, 2012 by Joy

Let me start by saying, “I’m not sure this warrants an entire post.” However, I need some feedback.

While looking through FB profiles of my peeps, several times I found myself asking, “Why are they standing with all of those ‘older’ people?!” Only to realize that it was someone my age. We may have even been in the same class?!

This thinking presents a problem (of my own making of course!). Is it me? Do you do this? Do you look at other people your age and think, “Wow! When did that happen?! When did we get so old?!” Do you think to yourself, “Do I look that old?”

I’m guessing you are thinking that I am a self-absorbed wretch. And I get that, but let me ask you this… Have you ever thought these things? Am I the only one?!

As you know, I do not have a healthy relationship with food. Some days are better than others, but I would never call it “healthy.” My internal image of myself resembles something like this…
Some days I feel thin and beautiful and other days…not so much. I realize that this all points back to “SELF.” Ewww…that word alone makes me feel spiritually dirty!

Don’t laugh! This really has me thinking…Am I completely delusional? It is strange that, depending on the day my perception of myself varies between super toned, 20-something hottie and unfit, can’t buy clothes in a regular store, couch potato?

I am extreme. I’m fully aware of this. There is no happy medium in my world. It’s rather exhausting really. This is why I have tried to rid myself of my, what I like to call, “Extreme behavior triggers.” These are the things that make me act like a lunatic, obsess constantly and end up rocking back and forth in a corner not knowing how I got there?!

This is why complete sobriety (aka abstinence from alcohol) was the only way for me to stay sober (what’s a buzz anyway?). It’s literally why I only stop drinking coffee when my hands start to tremble indicating that I’ve had enough caffeine. It’s why I went to rehab instead of college. All or nothing. Go big or stay home. All in. Any of this sound familiar?

That is why I had to rid myself of this atrocious thing. Raise your hand if you like to get up every morning and base your day off of what this little beauty says. And then, for a lot of us insanity types, we step on it before we go to bed!

SO, I haven’t owned one of these since…well…since I was alternating between starvation and puking my guts up on a regular basis almost 10 years ago. What does this say about me? That ignorance is bliss? That I’m refusing to look at the truth? That if I don’t know, I won’t care?

That is nonsense. Of course I care. However, I have to retrain my brain to care the way that my Creator wants me to care. NOT the way the world says I should care.

It took me a long time to learn this, but I can say it with all clarity in this moment.

Are you listening?

His opinion is the only one that matters. Did you hear that? Say it. Even if in a whisper. His opinion is the only one that matters.

Some of you are thinking, “here she goes with the whole religious bit.” Wrong. For me, it has nothing to do with religion. It has everything to do with redemption.

One of my favorite scriptures is Psalm 139. When I stand before the mirror, first thing in the morning and last thing at night, I commit my perception to Him. I stand fully stripped of all that I feel hides my imperfections and I pray this verse;
^7-12 Is there anyplace I can go to avoid your Spirit? to be out of your sight?
…You’d find me in a minute— you’re already there waiting!

Then I said to myself, “Oh, he even sees me in the dark!
At night I’m immersed in the light!”
It’s a fact: darkness isn’t dark to you;
night and day, darkness and light, they’re all the same to you.

^13-16 Oh yes, you shaped me first inside, then out;
you formed me in my mother’s womb.
I thank you, High God—you’re breathtaking!
Body and soul, I am marvelously made!
I worship in adoration—what a creation!

What do you think? Could you do it? Would you do it? Are you willing to approach the throne of grace completely uninhibited?

If you’re not a throne of grace kind of person, are you willing to stand before your reflection, stripped of all the things you use to hide? Including excuses?

Try it. And then come back and tell me about it. Don’t be scared. If I can do it, anyone can!

Photos were borrowed from my trusty friend, google.

The Shadows

Posted on July 3, 2012 by Joy

Lord, I have cried out
pleading throughout the night
for Your provision
guidance and
serenity

I lay before you now
downtrodden
face to the ground
acutely aware of how unworthy I am

To even be in Your presence is
so much more than I deserve
and yet, You know that
it is the only thing sustaining me

God, I am afraid
though You clearly say that
I am not to fear what man can do
I tremble at the possibilities
that mere humans hold over me

I was so sure
Lord, was it too much
was it too little
was it all an illusion

I am angry
search me
and reveal what is in me
that’s being allowed to rise up and steal my joy

I am sad
fill me
replace my sorrow with
the security of Your faithfulness

I am confused
breathe clarity
into my circumstances
so that more will be revealed

What I once thought was silence
I now know is peace
I feel Your presence
as You lead me to the cross

That sacred ground where you took upon yourself all the evil of the world
as you were nailed to a tree created by your hands
how can I even think of
continuing to carry anything but forgiveness

You are good
even in the uncertainty of this life
You are the only honorable part
of the story

You alone know my heart
You see the ugliness that festers
I am unable to change that
without Your divine intervention

You are God
and
I am not
Thy will be done

1-Minute Meditation: Awareness

Posted on July 2, 2012 by Joy

“God made the world for the delight of human beings–
if we could see His goodness everywhere, His concern for us,
His awareness of our needs: the phone call we’ve waited for, the ride we are offered,
the letter in the mail, just the little things He does for us throughout the day.
As we remember and notice His love for us, we just begin to fall in love with Him because He is so busy with us — you just can’t resist Him.
I believe there’s no such thing as luck in life, it’s God’s love, it’s His.”

Mother Teresa, born Agnes Gonxha Bojaxhiu (pronounced [aɡˈnɛs ˈɡɔndʒa bɔjaˈdʒiu]),
was an Albanian Roman Catholic nun who founded the
Missionaries of Charity in Kolkata (Calcutta), India in 1950.
For over forty years she ministered to the poor, sick, orphaned, and dying,
while guiding the Missionaries of Charity’s expansion,
first throughout India and then in other countries.

For source of information click here

Sanctuary

Posted on June 26, 2012 by Joy

Father, here I am
exposed
my petitions laid out before You
as a day of uncertainty is dawning

It is You whom I trust
not I
I grow weary at the slightest task
Your strength endures

My heart is heavy with my will
it longs to delight in Yours
though You remain silent
the peace from Your faithfulness
calms my restless mind

Speak into my being
I beg You
search me
reveal where faith is lacking

I trust You
my Savior
I need You
my Deliverer

This world and all of its wickedness
has filled my dreams throughout the night
until I awoke
heart pounding
gasping for a breath of truth

Here I am
pensive
deficient
exhausted from a night of wrestling darkness

I come to this place
before dawn
between sleep and the demands of the day
my quiet sanctuary

Where else would I go
my King
my Lord
my Redeemer
You are all there is

1-Minute Meditation: Merton Prayer

Posted on June 25, 2012 by Joy

In Thoughts in Solitude, Part Two,
Chapter II consists of fifteen lines that have become known as
“the Merton Prayer.”

“MY LORD GOD, I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me.
I cannot know for certain where it will end. Nor do I really know myself, and
the fact that I think I am following your will does not mean that
I am actually doing so.
But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you.
And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing.
I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire.
And I know that if I do this you will lead me by the right road,
though I may know nothing about it.
Therefore I will trust you always though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death. I will not fear, for you are ever with me, and
you will never leave me to face my perils alone.”

The Merton Prayer Translated Into Other Languages

Spanish Merton Prayer
Dios, Señor Mío, no tengo idea de adónde voy. No veo el camino ante mí. No puedo saber con certeza dónde terminará. Tampoco me conozco realmente, y el hecho de pensar que estoy siguiendo tu voluntad no significa que en realidad lo esté haciendo. Creo que el deseo de agradarte, de hecho te agrada. Y espero tener ese deseo en todo lo que hago. Espero que nunca haré algo apartado de ese deseo. Y sé que si hago esto me llevarás por el camino correcto, aunque yo no sepa nada al respecto. Por lo tanto, confiaré en ti aunque parezca estar perdido a la sombra de la muerte. No tendré temor porque estás siempre conmigo, y nunca dejarás que enfrente solo mis peligros. ···

Portuguese Merton Prayer
SENHOR, MEU DEUS, não tenho idéia para onde estou indo. Não vejo o caminho adiante de mim. Não posso saber com certeza onde terminará. Nem sequer, em verdade, me conheço. E o fato de eu pensar que estou seguindo tua vontade, não significa que realmente o esteja. Mas acredito que o desejo de te agradar te agrada, de fato. E espero ter esse desejo em tudo que estiver fazendo. Espero jamais vir a fazer alguma coisa distante desse desejo. E sei que, se agir assim, tu hás de me levar pelo caminho certo, embora eu possa nada saber sobre o mesmo. Portanto, hei de confiar sempre em ti, ainda que eu possa parecer estar perdido e sob a sombra da morte. Não hei de temer, pois tu sempre estás comigo, e nunca hás de deixar que eu enfrente meus perigos sozinho.

– Thomas Merton Na liberdade da soli

French Merton Prayer
Seigneur mon Dieu, je ne comprends pas du tout où je vais. Je ne vois pas la route devant moi. Je ne puis savoir avec certitude où elle aboutira. Je ne me connais pas non plus en réalité, et le fait que je pense me conformer à Votre volonté ne produit ni ne signifie mon obéissance effective. Mais je crois que le désir de Vous plaire Vous plaît en effet. Et j’espère avoir ce désir en toutes mes actions. J’espère ne jamais rien faire sans ce désir. Je sais que si j’agis ainsi Vous me conduirez par le droit chemin, même si je n’en sais rien. Aussi mettrai-je toujours ma confiance en Vous, même si je me crois perdu et dans l’ombre de la mort. Je ne craindrai pas, car Vous êtes toujours avec moi, et Vous ne me laisserez jamais seul en face du danger. ···

– Thomas Merton, “Thoughts in Solitude”
© Abbey of Gethsemani
© by Edition d’Histoire et d”Art por la traduction française

Swahili Merton Prayer
Bwana Munga Wangu, sijui niendako, nashindwa kuiona njia mbele yangu, wala siwezi kujua kwa hakika kwanba njia hiyo itakomea wapi. Kwa kweli hata mimi mwenyewe sijifahamu, na yale ambayo nafikiri nafanya kufuatana na mapenzi yako, inaonekana sina hakika nayo. Lakini naamini kwamba tamaa ya kukupendeza wewe kwa kweli ninayao. Natumaini kwamba ninayo tamaa hiyo katika yote nifanyayo. Naamini kwamba sitafanya lolote nje ya tamaa hiyo, na kamwe sitafanya hivyo. Wewe utaniongoza katika njia iliyo sawa ingawa sijui lo lote. Kwa hiyo nitnakuamini daima ingawa naweza kuonekana kupotea katika kivuli cha mauti. Sitaogopa kamwe kwa kuwa wewe upo pamoja nami daima, na wala hutaniacha katika hatari peke yangu. Amina.

Translated from English into Swahili by Sr. Christa Kimashi & Sr. Frieda Kisaka

For more translations click here

Weekly Photo Challenge: Create

Posted on June 23, 2012 by Joy

“The only reason for making a buzzing-noise that I know of is because you’re a bee…
The only reason for being a bee that I know of is making honey….
and the only reason for making honey is so I can eat it.”
~ Winnie the Pooh ~
‘The House at Pooh Corner’