Oh my soul

Today started out like any other.
Get up.
Make coffee.
Eat breakfast.
Wake the boys.
Make lunches.
Go back upstairs to get the boys up.
Pack their backpacks.
Yell from downstairs for the boys to come eat or go to school hungry.
Go back upstairs.
Get dressed.
Go back downstairs to ensure the boys are eating and hurry them along getting dressed.
Get on our way to school and work (after a few other steps).

And then…out of nowhere….there she is…filling my thoughts.
The clouds in the sky, the sun hitting the early morning pavement. All of it reminds me of my friend who passed away only a few short months ago.

I think of Wyatt, her son, on his first day of school. He’s in 1st grade…just like my son. His daddy packed a picture of his mom in his backpack to show his friends. He looks just like her.

I smile at the picture of Bradford as she holds her teacher’s hand on her first day of preschool. She’s so beautiful in her blue dress with her blond hair pulled back and backpack on one shoulder.

I want to scream and cry and pound my fists on the ground. When I think of how badly she wanted these precious children and how she went to any lengths to give them life, I want to vomit at my hypocrisy and how nonchalantly I became pregnant even when I didn’t want to be (or so I thought). All that I took for granted and still do. All of it is put into perspective when I think about her.

Elliot passed away on a Monday in May and ever since then I have carried around letters for Wyatt and Bradford. Letters that I intend to send everyday, but never do. Letters that talk about the beautiful person that their mother is and how she not only showed love, but also lived it. Letters that make me weep just thinking about little hands opening them up to read.

Today…I’m not okay. I feel all knotted up inside.
Today, my heart breaks for a young husband aching for his wife and two beautiful children with only memories of their mother.
Today, the world is cold, and its demands relentless.
Today, the sun is hidden by the clouds and I want to close the blinds and stay inside.

I miss my friend and all of the time we didn’t have because of all the time I thought we had.

Posts written while walking through Elliot’s journey:
Girl of little faith…Why do you doubt?
When Cancer is no longer a Stranger
When the monster returns, Thy will be done
A Father’s Love
In the midst of the storm
A Tribute to Elliot
Saying Goodbye
21 Days Later
Finding God on the Farm
Five Minute Friday: Beyond
No more pain
Memorial Fund

I’ll have…an overwhelmed June Cleaver with a side of crazy, please.

“Oh, June. With your pearls and your 19 inch waist, in your polished beige heals, fryin’ it up in a pan to have on the table when Ward, Wally and the Beave get home. How did you do it, June?! How did you hold it all together? (Is that a pill bottle I see by the cookie jar? Or maybe the pill bottle IS the cookie jar. Nice cover!)”

Being a wife and mother is hard difficult virtually impossible left to my own devices. Thankfully God knew this and makes it clear that I am not alone when that affirmation is needed the most. For the record, I’m not feeling any affirmations from June. I bet she was drinking straight gin from the freezer between takes! And who can blame her?!

I step over a growing mound of laundry to sit in my “writing chair” and purge my day of mental processing, I stare at the laundry and remember the fact that I need to vacuum….thank you notes need to be written…emails need responses…Bella is leaving again tomorrow…the lump comes up in my throat and that old familiar feeling of being overwhelmed attempts to settle in. Why does this happen?

I don’t think men have the incessant thought pattern that we women have. From the time I get up in the morning, the thoughts come pouring in. Hot off the presses from my unconscious mind to the conscious mind, continuing throughout every moment of every day.

It is imperative to start my day with 3 things; God, Quiet, and Coffee. If I miss anyone of those I’m setting myself up for failure, but especially the first one. It must look something like this for me…breathe in God, breathe out God (repeat), dwell on God and his promises (without ceasing), speak God into every circumstance…all God all the time. If not, my ego will sneak in and screw everything up.

For those of you who are parents, maybe you can relate, for those who aren’t, consider this mental preparation for the day you might someday become one. By nature, we are selfish creatures. Some of us more than others. I have to make a conscious effort to invite God into my day or I tend to leave him at home, waving good-bye as I speed away in the minivan with my praise music blaring. (It’s hard to yell at your children with praise music on. Yay for preemptive steps.)

What I’ve learned is that God does not force himself on me. He’s a gentleman. Sure he can be intense and fierce, but in my day-to-day he tends to wait for me to approach the throne of grace. “Why?” you ask. Because there is just something in the effort of me taking the initiative. When I don’t approach the throne of grace, opening my hands to survey those things thought to be of the utmost importance, I will keep my fingers tightly closed, missing all of the things that are waiting to be poured into them. I don’t want to do that! And yet, I still do it. Do you see my dilemma?

It’s me!!! I am my own dilemma!!! “Why not just fix it then?” you ask. Because I’m stubborn and doubtful and slow to change. The world screams at me in every way that if I’m not doing this, wearing that, volunteering there, eating these, I’m doing it all wrong.

I have a couple of different choices in this situation, I can continue to beat myself up with how I’m never going to win be nominated for “Mother of the Year” or I can turn to the voices of truth that refresh my soul and renew my mind. Like these gals…

I opened a recent post from my friend Courtney over at Lil Light O’ Mine where she was writing about her precious Ella not wanting to wear glasses because no one else her age does and everyone asks her about them. Courtney’s answer was beautiful and exactly what I needed to hear today. (Sometimes it helps to talk to me like I’m a Kindergartener, especially when I’m acting like one!)

Another awesome chick whose every word I hang on is Joy Phenix. Not just because she has an awesome name, but because she doesn’t pretend to have it all together, even though I think she’s one of the most stellar women on the planet. She writes over at Joy: Defined and one of my favorite posts is her take on the unattainable “balance” in life. She recommends working on your life “blend.” You can read all about it by clicking here.

My mentor is another irreplaceable gift in my life. Pam started a blog recently though she has been writing, speaking and coaching for years. I look forward to her posts as I can hear her beautiful southern accent through the page. It leaves me with a hankerin’ for sweet tea every time.

Who is that person for you? Do you have a person? If not, you can borrow mine until you find one or forever. These ladies have more wisdom and insight than they will ever be able to give away. They continue to grow and stretch themselves everyday in new ways. That’s what I want to be doing…growing and stretching. So when I have days filled with “mommy time-outs” I will rejoice in the gifts that are my children and I will thank God for the blessing of strong beautiful women who remind me that I’m not alone on this journey and that “perfect” may as well be a four letter word.

Awesome Resource at your fingertips! The one and only, Andy Stanley is in the middle of the series, Future Family. It is so great. Click here to watch the messages and print discussion questions. (You can thank me later, cause you’ll want to!)

Five Minute Friday: Change

 

GO

© Joy Cannis and Even A Girl Like Me, 2012

When we least expect it, life sets us a challenge to test our courage and willingness to change; at such a moment, there is no point in pretending that nothing has happened or in saying that we are not yet ready. The challenge will not wait. Life does not look back. A week is more than enough time for us to decide whether or not to accept our destiny.~Paulo Coelho

The topic for this week’s FMF post could not be more timely. Selfishly I like to think that God put it on Lisa-Jo‘s heart just for me.

I am experiencing change all around me. It’s not all bad, but unsettling nonetheless. The quote at the top of the page came from attempts to calm my nerves through hours of reading what different authors say about change. It sums it up well for me right now.

Change is a funny thing, it brings to the surface two very strong, competing emotions, fear and excitement.

Fear of the unknown.
Excitement for what the future holds.

For me, today, in this moment,
Change = Adventure.
I’ll keep you posted.

All that you touch
You Change.
All that you Change
Changes you.
The only lasting truth
is Change.
God
is Change.
~Octavia E. Butler

STOP

Wanna participate or just read more takes on the word change? Click here

 

 

Pardon me while I compare my insides to your outsides

© Joy Cannis and Even A Girl Like Me, 2012

While shooting pictures yesterday for something unrelated to birds on a wire, I turned around and saw this site that had to be captured. It goes right along with how I have been thinking and feeling. It was as if it was placed there just for me and all I had to do was look up.

I laughed while thinking, “I wonder if this bird ever looks around and thinks, ‘Why don’t I look like they do?'” You have to admit, he kind of stands out. Do you think he sees his uniqueness as a blessing?

My temperament is one that craves relationships and interaction with many different people. I invest heavily in the lives of those I love and enjoy doing so. However, when I am experiencing inward turmoil I want to retreat and be quite. Lately, while going through certain stress I have been unable to withdraw which forces me to interact with others when I am out of sorts. This can be disconcerting.

In the past couple of weeks I have found myself looking around and thinking, “How does she do that?!

“How does she work full-time, grocery shop during the week, run her children back and forth from soccer practice, gymnastics and piano, keep her house clean, volunteer at her church, serve on the PTA and have dinner waiting when her significant other returns from work? And what about doctors appointments in between and the unexpected illness?”

So tell me ladies, are you one of these women? If so, are you really doing everything that it appears you’re doing? Do you have hidden super powers? Are you saying affirmations in the mirror multiple times throughout the day to keep up the pace?

Most days, I feel more like this chick…
I can relate to the white bird on the wire. Sometimes I feel that my uniqueness is a gift and adds to my awesomeness. Other times I see it as a hindrance and something to be overcome. Here is what I know about feelings, they are constantly changing. Feelings in and of themselves are not to be trusted. So I must rely on truth, grace and the love that I know to be unchanging.

What are your thoughts? Am I way off base or do you know exactly where I am coming from on this?

What will tomorrow’s yesterday reveal about me?

After saying, “Happy Birthday!” A friend asked me, “Do you feel another year younger?”

“No.” I replied. “After the stress of the past few weeks I actually feel older.”

His question got me thinking. “Is one incredibly challenging week capable of aging me a year?!” Am I going to look at this birthday as another year gone or as 365 days of endless possibilities before me?

The happenings within 48 hours were powerful enough to change my warped perception of my circumstances and future. This year I found answers in the gifts. Maybe not how you would think? Allow me to explain.

The night before my actual birthday, we had dinner in with two of our close friends.

That is an actual lippy beside it on the left for scale.

Jill‘s gift is one that I will forever keep in a place where I can look at it frequently as it makes me laugh out loud while reminding me that it’s okay to need a little sparkle in your life. It’s okay that I’m known for my love of lippy.

And since I know you’re wondering, the answer is “Yes.” It lights up!

This will forever serve as affirmation that no matter who comes down on me for who I am, my job is to be a light in the world…with a splash of color.

I woke up on the morning of the 18th with no plans for the day. I went to check voice mail and there was my beautiful Bella’s voice at 12:01 a.m. leaving a message to say that she wanted to be the first one to wish me happy birthday. She was! The thing that struck me most about this is
1.) She is 14 yrs. old and stereotyped as completely self-absorbed.
2.) She was intentional about letting me know she cared.
3.) It is a great reminder to me that kindness does not have to cost money.
I will be saving that message until my phone kicks it out.

Early afternoon the doorbell rang. When I opened the door there was an enormous arrangement. I tried to pick it up but it was too heavy. After Chris carried it inside and placed it at eye level, I stared, enamored with its beauty. It is absolutely breathtaking, releasing sweet aromas better than fine perfume. Sent from my sisters, mom and niece, it is a reminder that there is so much beauty around me on a daily basis. At times, it is too heavy for me to hold.  If only I could freeze it just as it is so that when the world issues its criticisms I am reminded that beauty outweighs malice every time.

Late afternoon one of my favorite people in the world came over. Tara knows me well. I asked if I could open the bag in her hand as soon as she walked in. “Of course!” she said. It was stuffed with tissue, just the way I love and as I began throwing the tissue and reaching into the bag, I was reminded of the things that were stifled only days before. Creativity, Learning and Growing. The bag held in it, a photography book for the student I have become, a journal for the writer that I am, a set of 4 different colored pens of glitter gel for the absolute delight that I find when the glitter falls from the page ending up on my hands, face and clothes. A water bottle, representing sustained energy, dark chocolate for the happy endorphins that are sure to follow shortly after consumption and a beautifully colored scarf complete with sparkles, of course.

By the end of the day I had seen 3 sky crosses. They are Elliot’s favorite and I search the sky continually in hopes of seeing one. I don’t think this was a coincidence. The sky was literally filled with them. I had to smile when looking up and thinking of my friend and her love of these acknowledgements from the Creator. It was a beautiful birthday wish.

Those who sent cards, gift cards and…well…cash (thanks dad!) know me just as well. They know that for me having the freedom to buy something with money that someone else has given me has a thrill all its own.

And how could I not mention my Christopher? Without whom I would have gone off the deep-end long ago. He swoops in at a moments notice and turns my catastrophe into a manageable task. He has saved me from myself time and time again, but most recently from the words of defeat that I am so quick to tell myself. The spiritual, emotional and mental gifts that he lavishes on me are far greater and worth so much more than any possession he purchases. (Though I do love my camera gear.) A man who will fight for your mental, spiritual and emotional well-being as well as physical, is one you cannot put a price on. His value is far greater than any measurable standard.

There is something about being known. I don’t mean when someone with a great deal of influence remembers my name and acknowledges my existence. I’m talking about lamps shaped like lipstick and bags filled with the things that would tell much of my story without me ever saying a word.

So, here’s to the next 365 days of endless possibilities before me. No matter what they bring may I see them as blessings. Some blatant while others disguised, blessings nonetheless.

No more pain

She went to be with Jesus and her earthly father, my grandpa Ed at 9:46. It was peaceful and I was with her.

This was the text I received from my friend whose mother has been battling an aggressive form of cancer that just recently spread to her brain.

A few short months ago I had the incredibly privilege of capturing four generations of women through the lens of my camera. I was honored when Erin asked me to come to her family home and record precious moments with her mother, daughter and grandmother. What a gift.

I would love to honor Krista by sharing a few photos of her with her favorite girls.

Thank you Erin for introducing me to your amazing mama who, in spite of the disease ravaging her body, never lost sight of the bigger picture.

© Joy Cannis and Even A Girl Like Me, 2012.

© Joy Cannis and Even A Girl Like Me, 2012.

© Joy Cannis and Even A Girl Like Me, 2012.

© Joy Cannis and Even A Girl Like Me, 2012.

 

 

© Joy Cannis and Even A Girl Like Me, 2012.

© Joy Cannis and Even A Girl Like Me, 2012.

© Joy Cannis and Even A Girl Like Me, 2012.

And I saw a new heaven and a new earth: for the first heaven and the first earth were passed away; …And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away. And He that sat upon the throne said, Behold, I make all things new. …These words are true and faithful. And He said unto me, It is done. I am Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the end.~Revelation 21

Accentuating Beauty: Part 3

I hope you have enjoyed the last few weeks with Ariel. This was such a fun series. This week Ariel will answer your questions, but first I wanted you to know a little bit more about her. This was a stretch since she doesn’t like to talk about herself. She is always focused on others. Truly, Ariel is as beautiful on the inside as she is on the outside.

Where are you from? “I am from Richmond, Kentucky. I was born and raised there until I was 19. I got married (ya, I was young) and moved to Atlanta. I have been happily married and lived here with my family for six years.”

When did you start doing make-up?I started doing makeup on myself and my sisters when I was young, but I was TERRIBLE! I didn’t know a thing. Then when I moved to Atlanta, I didn’t have a job. I walked in to a Dillard’s actually looking to buy clothes for interviews and someone stopped me and asked me if I was there for the job fair. I said no, but she continued on like she didn’t hear me and took me to the cosmetic manager. She then proceeded to say that I would be great in cosmetics. Long story short, I worked for Lancôme for almost a year at Dillard’s because, well, I loved it and learned a ton! I then went to Neiman Marcus (a whole new world) where this country girl adapted to the city just fine. I worked there for four years for several lines and then specializing in Bobbi Brown.”

Why Bobbi Brown? “Like I said before, I am not making a plug for Bobbi Brown and I no longer work for them. I just honestly fell in love with a lot of their products and their philosophy about makeup. Check out their website and read up on the brand. They are one of the few lines who have a foundation/ concealer for every skin color. That is just one of the reason I love that line. I have tons of other favorite products that are not Bobbi Brown; I just tend to use mostly their stuff.”

What is your favorite thing about doing this? “If you ask any makeup artist they will tell you they have seen it all. You meet people from all walks of life and I LOVED that. I learned so much about how to talk with people and I learned from them. That was my favorite thing about working, was meeting new people and learning their story. Sometimes I felt like a therapist. That leads me to my favorite thing to do now are my friends makeup and some events. I don’t work much more outside of that because I am focusing on my family. I love being able to make someone feel great about themselves. Make up is not needed, but it can accentuate the beauty that is already there. I love being able to make someone realize how truly beautiful they are.”

What is one random fact about you? “I was somewhat of a tom boy growing up. I played softball from age five through my senior year of high school. I also played soccer for six years. I love to be active and be outside. (well, with no bugs) I run and play golf. (When I have the time) This seemed to shock most of my clients when I told them, but I would tell them that I have always loved to dress up and be girly too.”

“I don’t pretend to know all the answers or to be the best makeup artist. I was just thrown into doing makeup by events that could have only been orchestrated by God. I want to use what I know to help people feel better about themselves and to be confident in their beauty.”
She may not know all the answers, but she knows a lot. Let’s look at your questions from the past three weeks and her answers.

This is in response to Cat’s question about eyeshadow color (especially for hazel eyes.)Eye shadow can be very tricky to pick out and very hard to recommend without talking one on one with someone. Just like any kind of makeup, you can make a statement with the colors you choose to wear. For specific color recommendations for hazel eyes, I would say to wear gold, brown, green, and violets/plum colors. These are pretty basic go to colors that will complement your eye color.

 Now, for everyone you should have your three go to colors for your day look. A light color that you apply all over the lid, this includes under the brow all the way to your lash line. This helps to take darkness out of your lid and make the other colors you apply stay more true to color. If you use an eye shadow base apply that first and then your light color. You can get eye shadow bases in light colors, like the one I used on Melissa to serve two purposes. Then you should have a neutral color that complements your eye color that you can place all over the lid or in the crease. You can stop here and not put another color on, but if you like to have more on or want a night look you can add in your third darker color. This can be a brown, black, purple, green, etc. (Just a color that is darker than your first two). This color serves as your eyeliner or crease color.

    I am all about getting the most out my cosmetic products and most cosmetic companies get that you need a few colors to complete your eye shadow look. That is why you see several eye shadow kits at the cosmetic counter and at the drugstores. You don’t have to do the same thing every day or use the same amount of colors every time. These are just some easy steps to get your started in your makeup experiments. I will be the first to tell you that there are going to be some awesome looks and some not so awesome, but just practice and see what you end up liking. Just remember it’s makeup and it’s supposed to be fun!”

This is in response to Elizabeth’s question about her lipstick not staying put. “Everyone has the issue with their lipstick fading or smudging…believe me I wish I could recommend the perfect lipstick! The truth about lipstick is the longer lasting ones tend to be dry and don’t look great unless a gloss is applied afterward. Then you have the moist lipstick that we love the feel, but it is off our lips onto our face or teeth in a second. I would recommend choosing a lipstick color that you love and then wearing it a few times and see what it does. If it tends to get dry, apply a lip balm or gloss over it (not before, this will cause smudging). If your lipstick jumps all over on ya, then apply a lip liner all over the lip first. You can put some of your foundation/powder on the lips as a primer. You can also limit the coats of the lipstick on; more is not always better. The lipstick feels so good going on, so try and resist applying too much. I love lipstick, but for day my go to is a gloss. I love the hint of color and hydration that it gives my lips.”

Several have asked for a list of products used. For a PDF version, click here

We have received messages regarding booking information for Ariel. We will respond via email. As Ariel said, she is in a season of life where her little ones need most of her, which requires that she be more strategic about appointments. Please give as many details as possible when inquiring (date, event, time commitment) and I will return your email as quickly as possible. Thank you for your understanding.

Annnnnnnnnnnnnnnnd the winner of the eyelash curler, primer and mascara is… Liz! Congratulations Liz! If you will forward the mailing information via email for your prize, I will send it out right away.