About Joy

I am a writer, photog, mother of 3, wife to the love of my life and a seeker of Christ. I talk about this journey as a recovering narcissistic, self loathing, hypocrite. The goal is to start a conversation through either words or moments captured through the lens. Most importantly, it has to be authentic. Otherwise, what's the point?

1-Minute Meditation: Awareness

Posted on July 2, 2012 by Joy

“God made the world for the delight of human beings–
if we could see His goodness everywhere, His concern for us,
His awareness of our needs: the phone call we’ve waited for, the ride we are offered,
the letter in the mail, just the little things He does for us throughout the day.
As we remember and notice His love for us, we just begin to fall in love with Him because He is so busy with us — you just can’t resist Him.
I believe there’s no such thing as luck in life, it’s God’s love, it’s His.”

Mother Teresa, born Agnes Gonxha Bojaxhiu (pronounced [aɡˈnɛs ˈɡɔndʒa bɔjaˈdʒiu]),
was an Albanian Roman Catholic nun who founded the
Missionaries of Charity in Kolkata (Calcutta), India in 1950.
For over forty years she ministered to the poor, sick, orphaned, and dying,
while guiding the Missionaries of Charity’s expansion,
first throughout India and then in other countries.

For source of information click here

What? When? How?

Posted on June 30, 2012 by Joy

This page is for all of the planners out there. Those much more organized than I. You know the ones who need to know what’s coming long before it comes so that they can plan how to execute.

Unlike those of us who often fly by the seat of our pants in hopes of having fun and finding lasting relationships along the way.

I am not saying that one temperament is better than the other. As has been proven time and time again, in order to thrive, we desperately need each other to create a healthy balance.

I’ve received feedback from quite a few of my faithful readers who have given both positive and constructive suggestions about the wide range of topics discussed on the blog. Believe me, I feel you. I am aware that not everyone wants to read about eating disorders, recovery or Jesus. Some people don’t want to click on a link expecting 500-1,000 words only to find photos for a weekly challenge. Where I certainly want to write for my audience, I also began this venture in an effort to avoid imploding, as I wrote in one of my first posts, “A Stranger in my Own Skin.”

Recovery, Jesus, Relationships, Loss, Addiction, Eating Disorders, Beauty, Light, Photography, these things and more are all part of my being. They make me the person I am today, right now, sitting here typing this to you. I cannot ignore one for another.

“Why not?” you ask. Well because you may be that one person who needs to hear something pertaining to any one of these subjects. One day you could find yourself standing at the edge of your cliff (metaphorically speaking of course) and you could be directed to something said that gives you hope.

“How do I know this?” Because I have been that person.

So, I have sought the counsel of someone much wiser than I who is rather impartial and we talked through several different scenarios.
~~I could have a new blog for each subject.~~ I’m just not organized enough to juggle more than one.
~~I could stick to one theme. The one that I feel I am more versed in.~~ That’s just not who I am. I want to learn and grow. I’m not going to only post about things that I feel I know better than anyone else.
I could schedule specific days for each topic while leaving myself a little wiggle room. YES! I LIKE it!

When questioning whether I have multiple personalities or not, please refer to the schedule below. This way you will know what to expect and when to expect it.

~ MONDAY ~
1-Minute Meditation

~ TUESDAY ~
A Prayer (either that I write or that speaks to the season I am in)
Several of you have asked if I could write a prayer every morning. If only it worked that way. The only time I am able to write these prayers is when I am in the right state spiritually, mentally and emotionally. Maybe one day I will learn how to turn it on at will, but for now, I can’t do that.

~ WEDNESDAY ~
Wordless/Worship (usually a picture)
Wandering (random thoughts)

~ THURSDAY ~
Body Image and/or (un)defining beauty

~ FRIDAY ~
Weekly Photo Challenge
Five Minute Friday

~ THE WEEKEND ~
This needs to remain rather open. I don’t always post on the weekend, but when feeling the urge to write something, I do. It is also a great time for me to add to my More than Words page. I am usually responding to comments, emails and catching up on the blogs that I follow. Every now and then I will post something from the archives that I feel is relevant.

I hope this gives a better idea of what to expect when you stop by for a visit. This list is not engraved into stone tablets and displayed on my coffee table. It could change. But this has been a pretty consistent pattern and one that helps me stay a little more organized.

I may post a picture on any given day or if a fellow blogger writes an incredible post, I will re-post or direct to their blog with a tease blurb on my site. My suggestion is that you have a fresh mug of coffee or tea and a little something sweet to compliment it while you read.

I am always open to insight, suggestions, constructive criticism and praise. Please feel free to leave any of those in the comments below or send via email.

If you are new around here, you may not know this yet, but I appreciate you more than words can adequately describe. I am so grateful that you would spend moments of your life, here, on these pages, with me.

Evermore thank you.

Weekly Photo Challenge: Fleeting Moments

Posted on June 29, 2012 by Joy

The photo challenge this week is to share a captured moment…that is fleeting…in the street. The following five pictures capture memories. The ones that make me feel lucky to have a camera in my hands at that exact moment in time.

“Yes. Live today. Not yesterday. Not tomorrow. Just today. Inhabit your moments.
Don’t rent them out to tomorrow. Do you know what you’re doing when you spend a moment wondering how things are going to turn out…?
…You’re cheating yourself out of today. Today is calling to you, trying to get your attention, but you’re stuck on tomorrow, and today trickles away like water down a drain. You wake up the next morning and that today that you wasted is gone forever. It’s now yesterday. Some of those moments may have had wonderful things in store for you, but now you’ll never know.” ~Jerry Spinelli

“Who came up with minutes, anyway?
Who needs them?
Name one good thing a minute’s ever done.
They shorten fun and measure misery.
Get rid of them, I say.
Down with minutes!
And while you’re at it–take hours with you too.
Don’t get me started on them.”
~Jerry Spinelli, Love, Stargirl

Beautiful Scars Series with Leanne Penny

Posted on June 29, 2012 by Joy

Leanne has started a series called Beautiful Scars. I had the privilege of being part of her series by writing about my own journey through darkness. These stories are a glimpse into what God can do from seemingly insurmountable circumstances and pain.

“And Then The Morning Comes”
by Jennifer Little

It’s easy for me to say I was molested for the first time as a nine-year old. It’s not, however, easy to sift through and relive all those years (27 to be exact), since I was visited in the darkness. That was when the safety of my pale pink bedroom shattered into millions of tiny pieces that would later cut deep like glass.

When I first began writing this, I fooled myself into thinking I could whip up an account that has, by the way, blossomed into one of hope and love and forgiveness. The truth is, though, there is no way for me to share the light without first revisiting the dark—the secret, the fear, the loneliness and wild anger. It’s been a long time since I’ve been there, thank God.

Thank you, God. It’s been a long time since I’ve been there.

Head over to Leanne Penny’s blog to read the rest of Jennifer’s story.

Slaying Dragons

Posted on June 28, 2012 by Joy

While rushing to get ready for an appointment the other day, my three year old became very concerned. Here is a glimpse into our conversation.

Him: “Mom, where are you going?”

Me: “Mommy is going to the doctor, Darling.”

Him: “What hurts.”

Me: “Nothing hurts, Love. It’s just a recheck. ”

He looks up at me with those big brown eyes and says, “Mahhhhmmmmm, nobody goes to the doctor unless something hurts. I need to go too so that I can take care of you.”

Heart melting, I knelt down and said, “I promise nothing hurts and I love that you want to take care of me. I am so proud of you. You are an amazing human being, my son.”

With that he gave me the half grin and looking down at the floor said, “Well make sure they give you a sticker when you’re done.”

“I will.” I said, as I watched him run back to his toys.

I cannot proceed without saying that, of all three of my children, this is the child with the toughest skin. Nothing gets to him. If you don’t like something about him, he couldn’t care less. He’s strong, determined and focused.

This tender moment with him was confirmation that, no matter how tough or strong one may seem, everyone needs connection. Maybe all of those times when I hugged him tightly even when he was squirming to get away, have been effective?

Raising boys is a huge responsibility and one that is not to be taken lightly. Yes, right now they are boys, but one day they will be men.

Am I raising men of integrity?

Am I intentional when it comes to praying for my men in the making? Or do I come before the Father and say, “Lord, you know what they need. You know who they are. Please help them seek you always. Amen.”

Honest answer… as much as I don’t like it… there are far more times when I say the brief, non specific, saying this out of a feeling of duty or guilt, prayer.

This year, my goal has been to ask the Father for 3 specific things that He would have me pray for each of my children.

I wanted Him to show me all at once so that I could make my list and get started. However, He is making it clear that more will be revealed as time goes on. He is calling me to step back, put down my list and observe my precious ones.

In doing so, He is showing me a few things about my boys that are part of their DNA, the way they are created, not things that I should try to break them of (so to speak) or change.

Boys need to release energy. They need to scream, throw sticks and balls and various other things. They need to run until they are out of breath. To deprive them of this outlet is to ask for caged chaos.

Boys need to know that it’s okay to express emotion. They shouldn’t have to turn in their “man card” before having a good cry? Since when does being male mean that you have dehydrated tear ducts? This is important, because the world will tell them otherwise. Suppressed emotion now = misplaced anger later. Whether you have testosterone or estrogen, crying is healthy. Be a safe place for them to cry.

Boys need discipline with encouragement. What do I mean? I’m not totally sure I can explain it… Depending on what they are being corrected for, they need to be encouraged at the same time. For example… “No, you don’t need to use a whole roll of paper towels, but I am so proud of you for cleaning up the spill yourself.” They need to know that they are being “groomed for greatness” and that they are going to make mistakes along the way. Wait to make a big deal when the mistakes involve their character.

Boys need the freedom to be warriors, adventurers and conquerors. God put this desire in them. Let them make pretend guns out of their legos and swords out of branches that they find on the ground. Don’t hinder them from digging in the dirt, building forts and climbing on things.

When they come in from playing, they should smell like they need a bath.

Ladies, this goes for grown men as well. They need to be around other men. I’m not talking about at the bar (necessarily), but whether they play golf or shoot skeet, they need that time to bond, away from us. They are just little boys with long legs.

That last paragraph is probably going to irritate some of you, but I’m okay with that, because maybe you have yet to realize, the more you love them with an open palm, the more they will love coming home to you. For those of you thinking, “You don’t know my husband!” You’re right, I don’t. However, out of all the men, including mine, that I have talked to, the response has been unanimous.

I strongly suggest, if you haven’t already, that you read “Wild at Heart” by John Eldridge. You will not agree with everything he says, but that’s okay. There are so many useful things to walk away with and who better to explain a man than, well, a man?!

I cannot and should not expect my boys (including the big one) to act like a girlfriend in any way, shape or form. If I do, I am setting myself up for constant disappointment. Whether we are talking about a 3 year old or a 36 year old, they do not want to sit and talk about feelings for hours. Honestly, they do not want to hear us verbally process in circles until we figure out the answer. When it comes to my boys, I have found bullet points to be most useful.

When I need a girlfriend, I call a girlfriend. See how easy that is?! There are some things that men will never understand about us. Let’s be honest, there’s plenty that we don’t even understand about ourselves. The sooner we accept this truth, the better off we will be.

To sum it up, here is what I am learning about being the mother of boys…

Be a builder, not a tearer down.
Be a safe place for vulnerability.
Love them until you feel that you cannot love anymore. No matter their reaction, it matters.
NEVER embarrass or discipline them in front of others. This should be a private thing and kept within the sanctuary of the family.
Tell them you love them and you are SO proud of them.
Be sincere and specific when complimenting their efforts and achievements.
Show them that they are yours, no matter what. I uses phrases like, “My son.”
Brag on them in front of others.
Be someone that sets the standard for who they will want to marry.
Be affectionate to your husband in front of them. Talk about how strong he is and what a wonderful provider he is. Thank him for how hard he works. Tell him that you love him when they can hear it. Kiss him on the mouth when he leaves the house or for no reason at all. It’s okay for them to see that. Don’t let their response of “Ewwwwwwwwwwww” fool you. They are learning how to interact in a healthy way with the one they love. (If there is not a husband in the picture, be very careful about the way you speak about men in front of them.)
Pray for and with them. Pray for strength and valor. Pray for wisdom and guidance. Pray for your abilities as a mother. Pray for your family. Pray that God will guard their heart and direct their decisions.

Ladies, if you are in a relationship or married to a man that didn’t experience this from his mother, it’s not too late. It’s never too late.

So, men, women, children…what would you add to my list?

Tell me how you really feel…

Posted on June 28, 2012 by Joy

In preparation for a workshop on beauty, I sent out a survey to 100 women between the ages of 13 and 65. When calculating the results, unfortunately, I wasn’t at all surprised by the answers.

I found it interesting that more than half of the women who responded with “Yes” to the question, “Is beauty important for your overall happiness?” apologized for it saying that they knew it was bad to make beauty a priority. Every one of them claims to be a christian. If you look just three questions before that, the #1 answer when asked “What do you think of when you hear the word beauty?” is “Nature, God, Creation.” What is there to feel guilty about or apologize for?

Clearly there is a vast difference between our definition of beauty and what we think God says about beauty. Why is that? Do you think God cares about beauty? Why or why not?

Results for “Beauty Undefined”

What do you like most about your appearance?
#1 Eyes
#2 Hair
#3 Nothing

What do you like least about your appearance?
#1 Stomach
#2 Thighs
#3 Butt

What is the one thing you would change about your physical appearance?
#1 Thinner/More toned overall
#2 Stomach
#3 Complexion

What is the first thing you see when you look in the mirror?
#1 Aging
#2 Eyes/Hair
#3 Size/Weight
(A 13 yr. old responded with, “I see God’s creation! Wow!)

What do you think of when you hear the word beauty?
#1 Nature, God, Creation
#2 Supermodel, Actress (Tall,thin, perfect hair and face)
#3 Inner beauty

What makes you feel beautiful?
#1 Dressing Up
#2 Affirmation (mainly from strangers)
#3 Husband
(A 21 year old responded that she has never felt beautiful.)

Has your dad ever said you are beautiful?
Yes 65%
No 35%

Is beauty important for your overall happiness?
Yes 92%
No 8%

How old were you when you remember first feeling self conscious?
#1 12 years old
#2 8 years old
#3 5 years old

Do the women in your life make you feel valued?
Yes 94%
No 6%

What would you tell the 5 year old you if you could go back and tell her anything?

Don’t listen to what others think, don’t let it dictate what you think of yourself.
You are going to be told A LOT about beauty and how to be beautiful. As hard as it may be, focus on the fact that God made you beautiful and that’s all that matters! God’s love is more important than anything else.
Find your beauty by looking inside not outside. True beauty starts in the heart and works it’s way out.
You’re beautiful no matter what!
Be true to yourself.
Cultivate a lifestyle of health.
People are too concerned about themselves to notice all of your flaws.
Feel beautiful for yourself on your terms. If you do it for someone else, they will take it with them when they leave.
Beauty comes from how you live and treat others. Some of the most beautiful people I know laugh a lot.
Love yourself first, be confident!
This will pass and you will be fine.
Don’t listen to the lies.

This is the 2nd post in a series of posts about beauty and body image. There will be a new post every Thursday about this subject. If you would like to join in the discussion, let me hear from you. All submissions can remain anonymous when posted by contacting me here or you may leave a comment in the section below. If you would like a pdf copy of these results, click here.